Neon Genesis Evangelion: Renaissance
by Ryoma
Summary: Continuation after 3rd Impact, can Shinji and Asuka survive and revive a dead world? **The Final Chapter**
1. Million Tear Stained Eyes

Nergal Fan Fiction LLC   
A division of Nergal Heavy Industries proudly presents:  
  
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: RENAISSANCE  
  
Chapter One "A MILLION TEAR STAINED EYES"  
  
by Ryoma  
  
Disclaimer: Characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion have been used without permission. All characters contained in this work are copyright GAINAX, Project EVA, Movic, AD Vision and Manga Entertainment. All proceeds generated by this fic will be distributed to them, I promise.  
  
  
  
But... this doesn't seem right. I don't think this is right.   
  
  
Those words reverberated in Shinji's mind over and over again. A small part of him wanted to laugh at the irony of it all... giving up on a world with no pain and surrounded by others for this, barren wasteland. Why had he even been allowed to make such a difficult choice? At the time he believed it to be the correct choice, and even with the evidence before him, deep down he still believed in that choice. But still, what had he come back to? Other than the sounds of the LCL soaked waves gently breaking on the white sand beach, nothing else could be heard. Shinji had been "awake" for at least a couple of hours as best he could tell.  
  
  
" I...I am sorry Misato, I have let you down." In his mind he relived his final moments with Misato.   
"I guess I have failed my promise to you"   
  
  
Shinji took a long look at the silver cross and then carefully placed it on a nail in a wooden post he had buried into the beach.   
  
  
"Now, at least you can rest, you won, the Angels are defeated...even the 18th", a slight smile formed on Shinji's face, "perhaps you are with Kaji...b...but I know I will miss you Misato."  
  
  
Tears were falling on the sand in front of the makeshift tombstone. Shinji hung his head for a couple of moments, then finished hanging the cross. Shinji sighed, and willed himself to continue his task.  
  
  
"One down, 2 to go, I must be strong for them," Shinji picked up another post and pushed it into the sand, next to the one with the cross. "I think they would do the same for me."   
  
  
Shinji stepped back and looked down at the stake, "Rei, I...I...Even though I know the truth about you, it doesn't change the feelings I felt toward you. I will always cherish the time we were able to spend together," he paused for a moment to reflect, "the sacrifice you made for me. I am sorry I couldn't make better use of that second chance. Goodbye Ayanami."  
  
  
He moved on to the last post. This post was slightly larger than the rest, and he took a long time to make sure it was perfectly aligned before he finally pushed it into its new home. He stood back and looked at it one more time. Finally satisfied, he knelt down in front of the wooden monument.  
  
  
"I...I tried to make sure everything was perfect. Look, I even used a larger piece of wood." Shinji wiped some loose sand off the marker. "I'm sorry but I couldn't find any stones to use."  
  
  
A steady flow of teardrops covered the sand at the foot of the monument. "I, Shinji Ikari, here and now promise that the memory of Asuka Langley Sohryu will never be forgotten. This monument will forever serve as a reminder of her skill and sacrifice, the worlds finest Eva pilot!"  
  
  
Shinji waited as those words seemed to echo, although he couldn't be sure if it was all in his mind.  
  
  
"I guess I will miss you most of all, Asuka...I would give anything just to hear your voice one more time." Shinji chuckled to himself as he imagined what the fiery redhead would say, 'Idiot Shinji', 'You pervert !!!', 'Mein Gott', 'Dumbkopff'.  
  
  
'But, if I have to be with you, I'd rather die!'  
  
  
Shinji quickly dismissed the last one, "That wasn't her, that was Lillith trying to deceive me," although Shinji's expression betrayed that he wasn't sure of that.  
  
  
"It doesn't matter to me whether it was real or not, the fact remains that I let her down when she needed me the most. Because of my failure I will never be able to help her...to...to have a chance to tell her how a truly felt about her."  
  
  
Shinji remained knelt at the foot of the tombstone as his legs began to grow numb.   
  
  
"I can't find the strength to move on. I can't say goodbye...I can't leave...I can't be alone."  
  
  
Thoughts began to flood Shinji's mind. If I stay here, then I will never have to let them go...I mean if I stay here then maybe they will come back. Yes, perhaps if I stay like this I will wake up and everything will be ok, like when I was trapped in the Eva.  
  
  
"Please, please, please wake up, dammit!! Wake up this has to be a dream or something...Please...PLEASE...MOTHER !!!!"   
  
  
Slowly he began to realize that he would not be waking up or emerging from the Eva. Shinji's fist began to pound the ground, slowly at first but becoming faster and harder with each stroke.  
  
  
"Why Mother, why would you leave me...my greatest fear... why here alone? Rei...Rei...Kaworu, anyone please help me, HELP ME!!! I can't bare the loneliness, the guilt,...the pain." Shinji's voice dropped to a whisper, "I can't bare the pain."   
  
  
"I am sorry everyone, this is all my fault...my fault. What the hell did I do?" Shinji looked down at his clenched fist. He opened it and closed it a few times with a slight twitching action. He slowly stood and shook off the numbness in his legs. Taking one last look at the 3 posts, Shinji turned and headed back to the waters edge with a determined look in his eye.  
  
  
"Well, I never learned how to swim so this should be quick," Shinji told no one in particular. He took a couple of steps into the surf and turned to take one last look at the reminders on the beach.   
  
  
"Please, please give me the strength for this one last act, I...I can't live if I am alone, I can't live with the guilt of my actions, the deaths of everyone I care about, the pain...I can't live without you."  
  
  
Shinji turned back toward the ocean with a resolute look on this face and dove into the water. This is a lot like sitting in the entry plug, he thought, everything so calm and peaceful. It seemed like an acceptable way to die. He knew it wouldn't be long now, soon his lungs would begin to ache for air. He knew he was too much of a coward to do it any other way, but now he was committed. He probably couldn't save himself even if I wanted to, he supposed. This was such a relaxing feeling, free from sound, weight, and direction. He wished he had learned how to swim...Asuka was going to teach him... because he thought he would have enjoyed this feeling...now I know why Rei always swam, he imagined, so she could experience this release... Perhaps by doing this I will see them again..."  
  
  
"But I why do I still feel like this is wrong..."  
  
  
The last memory of Misato flashed in Shinji's mind, 'Running from reality... Lying to yourself?   
Doing things half-assed is the worst thing you can do! So, stand up! Stand up!'  
  
  
"No... Let me die. I don't want to do anything."  
  
  
'Stop talking like a spoiled brat! You're still alive, aren't you? So, do all you can to keep yourself alive, and then die afterwards!'  
  
  
He began to reflect on his current state, he couldn't do this and let her down. No, he had to try and live, he wanted to live. With that thought in his mind, Shinji turned around and began to struggle back toward shore. I don't know if I can make it, but I have to try! He told himself over and over. He began to panic as he could feel his lungs begin to burn. He started to fail his arms and legs in an attempt to duplicate the motion he had seen Asuka and Rei do in the pool many times.  
  
  
"You have not understood, do not give up Ikari, there is still much to be done."   
  
  
Shinji opened his eyes and saw Rei floating in front of him, holding out her hand.  
  
  
"Take my hand, Ikari, with it you will find your answers." Shinji reached out and grabbed Rei's hand and held on as tight as he could.  
  
  
Please, please give me the strength to hold on, he repeated to himself.  
  
  
Shinji finally felt the ground beneath his feet as he furiously dug in to pull himself and his companion out of the water. Shinji felt his lungs burn, longing for life giving oxygen as he dragged himself toward the shore. I can make it, I can make it, I won't be alone anymore, I have to make it, he chanted internally. Shinji's head finally broke the surface and he took a giant breath. "Come on...come on...I won't let go."  
  
  
Shinji furiously dragged the face down figure behind him as he wadded ashore. He dragged her up on the beach, after which Shinji fell down exhausted, too tired to move.  
  
  
"Rei, we made it, we made it...Ayanami, can you hear me?" Shinji leaned over and looked at her for the first time since emerging from the water.  
  
  
"No, it can't be...IT'S YOU! What happened...where's Rei, how did you end up here?"  
  
  
Asuka lay motionless beneath him, still in her signature red plug suit, but he noticed her head and right arm bandaged.  
  
  
"How...Why did you come back...Asuka...Asuka...ASUKA." Shinji began to shake her, "Asuka are you there, please wake up, Asuka...Asuka I need you, PLEASE WAKE UP."   
  
  
Shinji clutched her head to his chest, "Please wake up, I don't want to be alone again..."  
  
  
Sensing no movement from her, Shinji carefully laid her down and rolled over on his back.  
  
  
More tricks from Lillith, he decided. Why must she continue to punish me? When will this nightmare end?  
  
  
Shinji looked up to the heavens and observed for the first time the ring of red, which circled the planet, bisecting the moon. Although he hadn't noticed until now, he seemed to immediately know its true nature.  
  
  
Is this and eternal reminder of my failure, he contemplated. Are you trapped, like myself, trapped by the force of Lillith, or are you purposely waiting, waiting before moving on, staying above me so that no matter where I am, you will always be there looking down and cursing me for failing you, all of you.   
  
  
Shinji turned his head to see a ghostly image of Rei standing above the ocean of LCL.  
  
  
And still you taunt me also, why Rei? he thought to himself, have I not suffered enough? When will you release me from this prison...you betrayed my wishes, you left me alone, you won't let me die...  
  
  
Rei disappeared as suddenly as she appeared.  
  
  
Shinji sat up and surveyed his surroundings.   
  
  
And worst of all, you fill my heart with false hope, putting her image here to torture me...just like during 3rd impact, you used familiar images to trick me, to hurt me, but I won't let you do it again, Shinji decided.   
  
  
Shinji climbed on top of Asuka and began to choke her.  
  
  
The thoughts began to flood Shinji's mind in a flood. I won't let you betray me again, I won't let you use false images to hurt me, see what I'll do to your doll first... Shinji continued to choke her, harder and harder he clinched, the pain from the previous day's events fueling his hatred. Images swirled in his mind as Shinji recalled the images of Asuka during 3rd Impact, the pain she caused him, her rejection of him, her denial of his help. I'll destroy your doll, just like I destroyed you he cried out with his mind.  
  
  
Shinji's thoughts were suddenly broken as he felt something on his face, a soft caress. In his blind fury, he had failed to notice a hand reach up to him. The images in his mind began to disappear. A new idea entered his mind, perhaps...maybe...could it really be?  
  
  
Shinji snapped back to his senses, and he began to loosen his grip on her neck. He realized that touch...that was...was...her, he knew it was real, it was his Asuka, it was really her.  
  
  
Shinji saw tears begin to appear on her face, falling down from his own. He began to feel the anger fueled strength leaving his body, replaced by a feeling of happiness and relief, something he hadn't felt since he arrived here. He could no longer support his own weight, and he fell on top of her. The last vestiges of control left him as he began to weep uncontrollably. If he had been looking up during this time he would have noticed a single blue eye slowly look down at him.  
  
  
"I feel sick"   
  
  
With that comment the redhead turned her head and began vomiting out the LCL trapped in her stomach. The weight of someone on her midsection did not help the situation and she pushed the offending party off of her and rolled over into a sitting position. A couple of dry heaves later, the feelings of nausea had faded and been replaced with the sensations of pain coursing through her body. Looking down she noticed her arm was neatly bandaged. She reached up with her left hand and carefully traced the outline of the bandages covering her left eye and continued around her head. Confident that although she was in pain, she appeared to be alive, she looked over at the sobbing figure next to her.  
  
  
"Shinji?" Her only reply was the muffled cries of the boy. She moved next to him and slowly began to roll him over, "Shinji stop crying. Hey, Shinji, pull yourself together and talk to me, what happened here? Dammit, calm down and talk to me...Shinji!" A small frown appeared on Asuka's face. SLAP. Her good hand darted out and connected with its intended target. "Pull yourself together or I'll give you another one" she said while turning away.   
  
  
Although she doubted she could hit him again, she knew that the threat must be real for it to have the desired effect. Judging by the sudden silence, she deemed her action a success. She quickly wiped a tear off her face as she gave him a couple of moments to compose himself before facing him. "Shinji, what happened, what happened to us?"  
  
  
Shinji wiped the tears from his face, "I really don't know."  
  
  
"What do you mean, you don't know," she bellowed.  
  
  
"Well...I mean, you know, I remember the events, but...but things just don't seem right." Shinji stood up while still staring at her.  
  
  
Asuka paused for a moment and replied, "What do you mean, they don't seem right?"  
  
  
"Well, I...I thought I, we wouldn't be alone here."  
  
  
"Huh?"  
  
  
"Kaworu, Rei, my mother, they all betrayed me." Shinji whispered, "They told me that everyone could come back, they said everything would be alright, and that I could find happiness." Shinji flexed then clenched his hand, "All lies and now I've let everyone down!"  
  
  
A panicked look appeared on Asuka's face. "So were the only ones...are you sure?"   
  
  
Shinji stared down and the white sand below, "Yes, I have been here for a while and I haven't seen anyone yet."  
  
  
Asuka thought to herself, why only us, what went wrong? This can't be right.  
  
  
Shinji's voice broke her thoughts. "I think I understand why I am here, but do you remember how you got here?"  
  
  
"Well, I remember fighting the Eva Series and then I...I'm not sure what happened. I only remember waking up here, and...and you were trying to kill me!" Asuka snapped.  
  
  
Shinji looked back at her and then down again and began to push the sand around with his feet, "I...I...I'm sorry, I...I...didn't...I...thought..."  
  
  
"Thought what?" Asuka's voice raised another notch.  
  
  
"I thought you weren't real, I'm sorry, I really...please forgive me," Shinji pleaded while still pushing the sand with his feet. He had made a good sized pile before she spoke again.  
  
  
"Not real, what are you talking about?"  
  
  
Shinji flattened out his sand pile with his foot before responding, "I thought you were a false image, an image created by Lillith to punish me, like the false visions of you and the others she used during the 3rd Impact."  
  
  
"What false images?"  
  
  
"During Third Impact Lillith used images of you, Misato and Rei to trick me...to reject Instrumentality...to chose to return and kill everybody. She made me think that the images were helping me choose, but in reality the choice was mine alone...and I blew it." Shinji persisted on staring at the ground as he spoke.  
  
  
Asuka began to speak and then stopped. She carefully reviewed the words in her mind before she spoke. "Why do you think the images weren't real, I mean...um...why are you sure you made the decision alone?"  
  
  
Shinji suddenly looked up and stared directly at her. "Well, you weren't really there...were you?" His words seemed to have a little life in them.  
  
  
Asuka's face froze for a moment, then she turned away, "No, I think I would have remembered something like that. I know I sure wouldn't have rejected Instrumentality for a world like this." Asuka seemed to cringe a bit during that last comment, but Shinji did not notice as he had again hung his head down and was facing the sand.  
  
  
"Y...You're right...I just sort of...you know...hoped that I wasn't alone in there." Shinji turned away, "So it really is all my fault."  
  
  
Asuka saw his pained expression and decided to change the subject, "But you still haven't explained why you were choking me?"  
  
  
"I...I guess it was the frustration of having you return, and then learning that it was yet another lie from Lillith, I was taking out my anger on what I thought was the image that caused me so much pain during Third Impact. I really didn't know it was you...I am sorry...I shouldn't have let my emotions govern my actions like that...sorry."  
  
  
"Jeez, stop apologizing," Asuka shouted and feigned a frown at Shinji, "man, Third Impact hasn't changed you at all."  
  
  
Shinji looked up to see the frown slowly turn into a smug smile on her face. Unwittingly he also began to smile to match hers. The tension he had been feeling began to lift with each moment.   
  
  
"Apology accepted, just don't try it again." Asuka shook her good fist menacingly at him.  
  
  
Shinji gave his best fearful face and shouted, "Yes, Ma'am!"  
  
  
Asuka looked down at the sand and fidgeted with her plug suit and bandages. She glanced back up at him, "Hey Shinji, can I ask you a question?"  
  
  
"Sure, anything you want."  
  
  
Asuka continued to play with her plug suit, "The image of me in Third Impact, it really caused you that much pain?"  
  
  
"Well, yes...but."  
  
  
She stopped and looked at him. "But what?"  
  
  
Shinji thought for a moment and answered, "I...I think that I may have needed that pain...I'm not sure."  
  
  
"You think I, I mean she, helped you to chose to come back, to reject Instrumentality?"  
  
  
"Well the decision was ultimately mine, but I really think I might have chose to stay if not for her. Hey are you sure you don't remember anything?" Shinji's eyes again fixed on her.  
  
  
"Well, let me think..." Asuka glanced around at the desolate beach. "No, I don't remember being there."  
  
  
"Yah, that's what I thought. Rei told me it was the Asuka in my mind or something like that."  
  
  
"The Asuka in your mind, what the hell was Wondergirl talking about?"  
  
  
"She was my own image of Asuka, I mean you."  
  
  
"Oh I see, I learned about that sort of stuff in Psychology class in college."  
  
  
Shinji drifted off to his thoughts. He knew it wasn't her, she hated him and all but even she couldn't wish this on him. He had no one to blame here but himself. How could he be so stupid? Why her? She didn't deserve to be here. This was his choice, she shouldn't have to suffer for his mistakes. As if she didn't hate him enough before, he reflected, he'd be lucky if she didn't just walk away and leave him alone again. She'd never stay with him, not after all that he had done. He decided she'd leave the first chance she got. Shinji's hand began to flex open and shut. His thoughts were broken by the repeated calling of his name by a certain female voice.  
  
  
"Hello, you in there Shinji?" Asuka can see him snap out of his trance. "What were you thinking about that could cause you to ignore me?"  
  
  
"Oh...nothing really." Shinji saw a hostile look come over her so he quickly continued, "I was just trying to remember the Asuka in my mind."  
  
  
"Well, you will have to tell me about the Asuka in your mind sometime, as long as it's not dirty, or are you a pervert?" Asuka said with a smile.  
  
  
He was not prepared for this question. "Yes...I mean no...I mean yes I will tell you about her someday, its not perverted...unless you count that kiss and she was...naked..." Shinji stammered, trying to catch each word as it left his mouth.  
  
  
"WHAT!!!, Asuka screamed, "I knew it, I'm trapped with a pervert."  
  
  
Shinji stumbled, "it wasn't just you, I mean her, everyone was naked..." He chastised himself for again speaking without thinking. He silently began to wonder exactly how bad she would react. Looking over he saw the girl's face contort into a face which he could only describe as a mix of horror and embarrassment.  
  
  
"Arrgh, lets just drop it for now ok. You can tell me about your hentai fantasy land later." Asuka hid her blush very well, garnering no response from Shinji.  
  
  
He seemed glad for the reprieve and sighed, "Ok, but it really isn't bad."  
  
  
"Now what were we talking about before your perverted dreams, oh yes, I do remember taking out the Eva Series and then the rest is...weird."  
  
  
Shinji glanced over Asuka's shoulder at the statues in the LCL ocean.  
  
  
"I can't be sure what to make of it..., hey, what are you looking at?" Asuka said as she turned around.  
  
  
"Mein Gott, its them...NO, NO STAY AWAY FROM ME !!!!!! AHHHH !!!!!"  
  
  
Asuka jumped up and backed away from the water and the petrified Eva Series standing guard just off the shore. Images flashed through her mind, sitting in the lake, the JSSDF, her mother. 'Mama... So this is where you've been? Mama! I understand now... The meaning of the AT Field. It's always protecting me! Always watching over me! Always... always together! Mama!' The memories came flooding back, the Eva Series battle, the lance, pain, no power, her Unit 02, her arm, "I'll kill you, I'll kill you, I'll kill you..." her stomach, the lance, Third Impact...  
  
  
Shinji grabbed Asuka as she began to fall. He held her body tight, as he tried to imagine the horrible visions being replayed in her mind, but even he realized that he could never truly know what she must have went through.  
  
  
"Their gone, Asuka, they can't hurt you anymore," he whispered quietly, although he doubted she could hear him.   
  
  
Shinji carefully sat down with her on the sand as she began to cry. He placed her sobbing head to his chest and carefully rested his chin on the top of her head. He stared out at the Eva Series with a look of pure hatred, a look that threatened to crack the stone marvels, but yet they still stood, able to withstand his storm of fury. He tightened his embrace on Asuka as a feeling of hopelessness passed through his mind. "If I could have...No, if I would've gotten out there sooner, I could have saved her, I could've stopped all of this...I could've...I could've saved everyone. Instead I sat like the coward that I am, too afraid to go and help her. I let her down. I failed her and everyone else" he lamented.  
  
  
"You could not go to help her, you could not get into Unit 01, you were trapped."  
  
  
Shinji turned around and saw the familiar image of Rei.  
  
  
"Why do you chose to see false images? You know the truth, but yet you continue to punish yourself." Rei extended her arms toward Shinji.  
  
  
"Why are you back here, why did you bring her back here, hasn't she suffered enough, must you torture us both? She is innocent of any crimes I may have committed, you leave her out of my punishment," Shinji replied in an indignant voice.  
  
  
"Ikari, you still do not understand Third Impact, you listened to the words, but did not realize their meaning. I will help guide you to that understanding."  
  
  
"What understanding, you, Kaworu, my...my mother, you all lied to me. You told me things and then you betrayed me. You are no better than my father, you used me for your own ends, you and Lillith used me to destroy everyone...why...why Rei?"  
  
  
"I have not lied to you, Ikari. You have not been betrayed. You have not been used."  
  
  
"You used me to kill everyone, you manipulated me during Third Impact to cause this...this world where everyone is dead," Shinji bellowed.  
  
  
"I do not wish for my children to die."  
  
  
He paused before replying, "What...your children?"  
  
  
"That is unimportant now, you are blinded by images and words, images and words which are creating fear, and this fear blocks your heart to the truth. You must have hope, Ikari..."   
  
  
"Shinji..."  
  
  
"Rei, wait don't go, I don't understand...Rei." The image of the blue haired girl faded away.  
  
  
"Shinji..."  
  
  
Why did she go, what does she mean, what images, the only things he saw were death and destruction, how can she expect him to have hope in this place, he thought.  
  
  
"SHINJI..." Shinji looked down to see that Asuka had somewhat regained her composure and was looking up at him. "Who were you talking to?"  
  
  
"Oh, Asuka, did you see her...did you see Rei, she was just here and..."  
  
  
"I didn't see anything."  
  
  
"Oh, well she was right there," Shinji said as he pointed his finger at Rei's last location.  
  
  
"Shinji, we...we need to get out of here, I...I can't bare to look at those god damn things anymore." She pulled herself away from his embrace and sat up on the beach.  
  
  
Shinji stood and looked down to her. "Um, are you going to be able to make it?"  
  
  
"Well I don't feel that great, but I'll take the pain to get out of here."  
  
  
"Here, let me help you." Shinji tried to take her hand, but instinctively she pulled it away and glared at him.   
  
  
As she struggled to her feet, her face betrayed the pain she was feeling. Upon seeing this, he again offered a hand and was met with the same response, although this time he pushed the hand aside and carefully placed it over his shoulder.  
  
  
"You really aren't in much of a condition to fight so I'll tell you what, I'll help you get away from those monsters and when your better, you can beat the crap out of me, OK?"  
  
  
"Errrh, I really don't need your help you know." Asuka began to put more weight on Shinji's shoulders.  
  
  
"I know..."   
  
  
A slight smile, unseen by Shinji formed on her face, "Thanks, idiot."  
  
  
"No problem at all." He was relieved that she seemed back to normal.  
  
  
Asuka pointed straight ahead. "Hey Shinji, what are those?"  
  
  
In front of them stood the 3 tombstones in his makeshift graveyard. "Well...I...um..."  
  
  
"Isn't that Misato's cross?"  
  
  
"Well, yes, she a...gave it to me...um...right before she...died."  
  
  
"Oh...I understand, its alright, you don't need to tell me now, I don't think either of us needs to relive anymore memories today."  
  
  
"That's probably good advice Asuka, thanks." Shinji wiped a small tear from his eye.  
  
  
"Well of course it is...but someday, when your ready, you will have to tell me everything, ok. I owe her a lot."  
  
  
"Yes."  
  
  
They continued walking toward the posts. "Three...why three?"  
  
  
"Well, I wanted to put them up for the people I cared about, so there was Misato...and um...Rei."  
  
  
"Wondergirl?, even after all she has put you through," Asuka replied mockingly.  
  
  
"Yes, well no matter what she has done to me, I still will always hold a special place in my heart for her..."  
  
  
A frown formed on Asuka's face as she looked away. "I see."  
  
  
Shinji noticed her look away, "Are you alright Asuka?"  
  
  
"Yes,...um, your father?"  
  
  
"My father?"  
  
  
"The third tombstone, the largest one." Asuka pointed toward the largest monument.  
  
  
"What?"  
  
  
"The third one, the big one, its obvious that it was meant for someone who was very important to you."  
  
  
"Yes, it was for the person I was...am...am going to miss the most. Someone who was very dear to me. Someone I think I respected more than anyone else. Someone that I couldn't show my true feelings toward. A person who meant more to me than all the others..."  
  
  
"Doesn't sound like your father, you guys must have reconciled or something."  
  
  
"Huh?, never mind, lets just keep going"  
  
  
"Well, who was it."  
  
  
Asuka stopped walking and stared at Shinji, "Well, were not moving until you tell me."  
  
  
Shinji paused for a moment, "Your right, it was my father."  
  
  
"See, I knew it. You must know by now that you can't hide things from me, Shinji. I can read you like an open book, I can tell exactly what you are thinking about, so just you remember that."  
  
  
Shinji sighed to himself, "If she only knew..." They continued walking toward the dunes, away from the LCL ocean.   
  
  
"I don't know why you would honor that jerk, I mean this whole mess is his fault. If I were you I'd..."   
  
  
Shinji ignored Asuka's ramblings. He took one last look back and reflected, he had to keep moving forward, to learn from his mistakes. He had made a promise...goodbye, Misato.  
  
  
"...I mean what was his problem, if he didn't like the world then he should have done the honorable thing and killed himself, what a jerk!"  
  
  
Shinji stopped walking bringing the two of them to a sudden halt. "Asuka?"  
  
  
"Yes."  
  
  
"Can we not talk about my father anymore?"  
  
  
"Ah...yea...sure, sorry about that Shinji."  
  
  
A small grin formed on Shinji's face. "What's so funny?"  
  
  
"Well, the great Asuka Sohryu Langley just apologized."  
  
  
"So."  
  
  
"And I thought Third Impact was the most earth shattering event I would see today." Shinji began to laugh.  
  
  
Asuka stopped and observed the laughing boy for a moment. "Your sick."  
  
  
Asuka raised her free hand, ready to punish the boy for his comments, but the pain in her arm convinced her that the price would be too high. "Enjoy it while you can, Third Child, but I warn you, I'm a fast healer and when I'm better, I may have to add another marker to your cemetery."  
  
  
They continued on again, toward the wasteland that had once been the thriving city of Tokyo-3. Slowly they trudged, away from the beach, away from the Eva Series, away from the tombstones, and most of all away from the past. Neither of them looked back, their previous lives were over, the future was in front of them. The sun had final broken free of the horizon and began it's daily voyage across the heavens. A new day had begun, with new opportunities, new adventures, new experiences, and a new purpose. A single pair of red eyes watched as the pair struggled away.  
  
  
"Physically you stand as one, yet the void known as fear still exists between your hearts, keeping them far apart. Though each heart seeks the other, they remain hidden from each other by the darkness of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of commitment, fear of betrayal, fear of loneliness, fear of loss. These fears will continue to hold your hearts far apart, only the light of truth can cut through this darkness, to provide a beacon for the others to follow. Ikari, Sohryu, there is still much to do, much to learn...and so little time."   
  
  
  
To be continued....  
  
  
Authors Notes: This is my first fic, so it will get better as I move forward. I finally started to put this down on paper so now I have to see how it goes.   
I will see this all the way through so don't worry that it will end up in the Land of Unfinished Fics. As the fic moves forward I am going to great lengths to try to avoid OOC, however I am working on the fact that since Shinji and Asuka came back to Earth, they have changed some from the series. Asuka is now able to give and receive affection and she has a reason to live now that she has faced her demons and reconciled with her mother. Shinji hasn't changed as much as her, but I think he has matured a little, in addition he is not as afraid to open up for fear of being hurt. Basically I'm saying both of them are a little less messed up then in the series, they are capable of showing emotions to one another, doesn't mean they will, but the door is open.  
I am not planning this to be a straight WAFF fic, I think I have plenty of drama coming. This story is meant to be my take on how the world would continue from 3rd Impact plus 1 day.  
One last word of thanks to my prereaders, 20eva, and Random1377 for finding and fixing a multitude of mistakes. Apparently the Connecticut school system never bothered to teach tense.   
As always, C & C is appreciated, please contact me at nergalfanfic@yahoo.com.  



	2. The Flames are all Long Gone but the Pai...

Nergal Fan Fiction LLC   
A division of Nergal Heavy Industries proudly presents:  
  
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: RENAISSANCE  
  
Chapter Two "THE FLAMES ARE ALL GONE BUT THE PAIN LINGERS ON"  
  
by Ryoma  
  
  
Disclaimer: Characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion have been used without permission. All characters contained in this work are copyright GAINAX, Project EVA, Movic, AD Vision and Manga Entertainment. All proceeds generated by this fic will be distributed to them, I promise.  
  
  
  
Shinji and Asuka resumed their journey toward the wasteland that had once been the thriving city of Tokyo-3. Slowly they trudged, away from the beach, away from the Eva Series, away from the tombstones, and most of all away from the past. Neither of them looked back, their previous lives were over, the future lay in front of them. The sun had final broken free of the horizon and commenced its daily voyage across the heavens. A new day had begun, with new opportunities, new adventures, new experiences, and a new purpose.  
  
  
Onward they pressed, through the ruins of the Geofront and Tokyo-3. Anything the N2 mines missed, Lillith cleared when she tore her egg out of the ground beneath them. The upshot of this was that most of the large rubble had settled back into the hole where the Geofront once was. This made the passage away from the beach difficult, yet still possible. Although the landscape had radically changed, the few remaining landmarks provided sufficient information for Shinji to determine their location. His frequent excursions throughout Tokyo-3 and the surrounding countryside had finally proven their worth. At least that is what Asuka told him, as they headed toward the hills that marked the natural border of Tokyo-3. As the soft sound of the surf faded, nothing could be heard, other than their breathing and the thump of their footsteps. They could see no signs of life, no animals, no plants, not even a slight breeze. The world didn't just seem dead; it felt frozen as if time itself had stopped. Both of them seemed to realize this at the same time, but neither told the other, not wanting to depress an already difficult situation. They persisted on as the sun continued its voyage above them.  
  
  
---------  
  
  
It seemed like a logical place to stop, Shinji thought. Asuka's pace had been steadily slowing and the sun was getting close to the horizon in front of them. They had been walking for what seemed like hours, and although their pace was slow, they had made good progress. The ocean was a distant sight below.  
  
  
Shinji stopped walking. "I think we should stop for a rest."   
  
  
Shinji's voice seemed to snap her from a daze. "Yah, sure, I mean I can keep going...but if you need to rest, I'll stop." Asuka wiped the sweat off her brow with her bandaged arm.  
  
  
Shinji carefully released Asuka from his grip and she settled down on a large stone beside the road they had been walking on. Based on the fact that many cars and trucks were parked here, Shinji decided it appeared to be a military roadblock or something. He stood on the rock and surveyed the area.  
  
  
"I'm going to take a quick look around and find us some shelter before it gets too late." Shinji jumped down off the rock and began to walk away.  
  
  
"Your not going to leave me here, are you?" Asuka pleaded and began to stretch her legs toward the ground in anticipation of walking again.  
  
  
"I'm just going to scout around a little. We haven't much time before it gets dark."  
  
  
"Then I'll come too, you'll need my help." Asuka tried to stand up, but the brief respite from walking had caused her legs to tense up and cramp.   
  
  
"You stay and rest, I'm not going far," Shinji replied while still walking away.  
  
  
"Ok, but stay within earshot in case you need me...I mean it!" Asuka pulled her legs up to her chest and let out a little sigh of relief.  
  
  
Shinji began to move about the assorted vehicles on the road, Although most were the standard cars and small trucks he had seen hundreds of times in Tokyo-3, a line of large olive green trucks stood off to the side and grabbed his attention. Shinji changed his direction and headed off for the last in the line.  
  
  
Asuka picked her head up and looked for Shinji. Squinting she could just make out his appearance down the road. "What do you see?" she shouted.  
  
  
"They look like some type of army vehicles, they're not marked but most likely the Japanese Strategic Self Defense Force," he replied. The Japanese Strategic Self Defense Force. Shinji's face grimaced as those words seemed to finally register. These trucks may have carried the NERV invasion force, he pondered as he remembered the events of yesterday. The invasion of NERV, the bodies of both NERV and JSSDF troops lying dead at his feet. Those three soldiers that were going to kill him and Misato saving him at the last moment, only to die later. The memories all returned in a flood of emotion. Why had it happened? Could he have stopped it?  
  
  
Shinji stared at the line of trucks for a long moment. His right hand balled into a fist. The anger in him rose to a fevered pitch. Bastards, he thought, they were killing innocent people, they killed Misato...I'm glad their gone!  
  
  
He moved around from the back of the truck to the driver's side door. His resentment providing the catalyst, he reflexively ripped the door open.  
  
  
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"  
  
  
"What? Shinji, what is it!" Asuka struggled to her feet, his screams blocking out any pain she was feeling as she struggled toward Shinji's voice. What the hell was going on? she wondered frantically. I've got to help him.  
  
  
"Get off me...you murderer...Help...Help me...him get off!"  
  
  
After few anxious moments, Asuka finally made it to the back of the truck. A look of fear was frozen on her face as she stopped and took a deep breath. She raised her good hand and prepared herself for battle. She knew she couldn't fight with one arm, she needed a weapon. Asuka quickly scanned the truck. Seeing a shovel mounted to the back of the truck, she grabbed it and with her good arm, held it over her head. After one last breath, she jumped out from behind the truck, ready to repel the attack. Surprised at not seeing anyone, she looked down to the source of the struggle.  
  
  
"Shinji what are you doing?" Asuka screamed as she looked down and saw Shinji wrestling with what appeared to be a one piece Army uniform.  
  
  
"Shinji, hey, dork its not real! It's not even a person!"  
  
  
Even in his panicked state, her words seemed to reach him. Shinji stopped flailing his arms and opened his eyes. Much to his dismay he looked down to see a tangled and torn jumpsuit resting on his chest. Slowly he gazed upward to the figure standing over him. He witnessed certain redheaded girl's face slowly turn from a look of terror to a look of disgust or amusement, he couldn't be sure.  
  
  
"You scared the hell out of me for nothing, ...You idiot!" She slowly lowered her "weapon" and placed it on the ground.  
  
  
"I'm sorry Asuka. It's just that I opened the door and this thing fell on me... I thought it was real." Shinji grasped the uniform and tossed it aside. He sat up and began to brush himself off.  
  
  
"Shinji, it's as real as all the other pieces of clothing that we have passed." Asuka looked down at the jumpsuit, now resting at the side of the road. "Why the hell do you freak out over this one?"  
  
  
Shinji stood up and pondered his reply for a minute. "When I saw the trucks, I got to remembering the whole NERV invasion, I guess figured that these were the same troops."  
  
  
"So you decide to take it out on their clothes?" Asuka sardonically asks.  
  
  
"I guess I was scared. You...You weren't there. It was horrible. The killing...the blood...Misato. They were killing everybody...they almost killed me," Shinji whispered.  
  
  
A frown formed on Asuka's face, "I'm sorry...I didn't know."  
  
  
Shinji looked away, toward the distant ocean, "It was terrible. I never realized that people could be so cruel to one another."  
  
  
"It's all right, you don't have to tell me, I understand," Asuka apologized.  
  
  
Shinji turned back and faced her, "No, I have to start facing my past...I have to start taking responsibility for my actions...all of them!"  
  
  
Asuka was taken back by Shinji's tone. She looked at him quizzically before finally speaking, "Why did they attack NERV? I mean do you know why it happened?"   
  
  
"I don't know for sure...Misato told me it was prevent the Third Impact...but why? No one wanted Third Impact, most weren't even fighting back, and these bastards still killed them...no mercy, only death." Shinji looked down at the ground, his head hung low. "The only justice here is that the son's of bitches that ordered the attack are gone too," Shinji quietly remarked.  
  
  
Asuka moved in toward Shinji and placed her hand on his shoulder. "That must have awful, what did you while this was going on?"  
  
  
"I did nothing...stupid Shinji Ikari, world famous Eva pilot, cowers in the corner while everyone around him dies. I am pathetic." He pulled himself away, allowing her hand to fall back to her side.  
  
  
"Shinji, you're being too hard on yourself," she said as again she tried to reach out for him, but he turned himself away.  
  
  
"I don't think so, I didn't even try to help. If anything I got in the way. Misato would have been fine if she didn't have to come get me. I'm nothing but a coward." Shinji now completely turned away from Asuka.  
  
  
"You're not a soldier, you couldn't be expected to fight. Why do you think you're a coward, Shinji?" Asuka moved in behind him and wrapped her arm around his waist.  
  
  
"I guess I sort of hoped that they would kill me too." He tried to move forward out of the embrace, but was surprised at the strength in the arm holding him. He struggled a bit, but quickly resigned himself to remain held. "No, I didn't sort of hope they would kill me, I wanted them to kill me!"  
  
  
Asuka leaned forward and brought her head next to his and carefully placed her chin on his shoulder, "Why, why would you wish to die?" she whispered.  
  
  
Shinji stared blankly ahead while Asuka waited for a reply. She tightened her grip on him, hoping to perhaps squeeze a response out of him. She was about to pose the question again when he finally spoke, "I guess I had given up all hope, I no longer had anything left. You hated me, Rei...well at least the Rei I knew was gone, Misato ignored me, Kaji, Touji, Kensuke, Kaworu, everyone had left me. I had nothing, no one cared, I was just tired of living with the pain. I had no reason to live anymore."  
  
  
Asuka continued to hold him tightly as she carefully reviewed Shinji's last statement. She thought to herself about the current mental state of her companion. She had never seen him this low, even after the whole Touji thing. Random thoughts began to enter her mind, what did he mean about Wondergirl?, who was Kaworu?, many questions but no answers. She made a mental note to ask him later. Something he said seemed to resonate in her head, 'You hated me.' She began to ponder that idea as her head sunk down as she loosened her clench a little. She knew she didn't hate him, for that she was sure, but yet what were her feelings toward him? And why should he care either way, she knew he didn't care about her after the way she treated him for so long. He was only with her because he didn't have a choice. She decided she would need to think of something to keep him going, for both of their sakes. She continued deep in thought until her face suddenly lit up.  
  
  
"Well now you do!" Asuka optimistically replied while releasing her grip on him.  
  
  
"Do what?" Shinji turned around and gave her a puzzled look.  
  
  
"Have a reason to live." She turned around and began to straighten out her hair.  
  
  
"Huh?"  
  
  
She continued to fluff and straighten her hair as best she could given the circumstances. She had to look her best. She knew it always helps if the salesperson is attractive. The consequences were too great, she had to close this deal. Everything depended on it. There was no way he could reject her, she hoped. Satisfied that she had done all she could, she finally turned around and stared directly into his eyes. "You have to help me get better, stupid. That will be your reason to live."   
  
  
Shinji gazed blankly back at her.  
  
  
"Yah, I guess so," Shinji sighed  
  
  
His halfhearted answer didn't sit well with his companion, "Guess so? Look you need to take care of me until I am better, understand?" She began to pace back and forth in front of him. "When I'm better you can do whatever you think you need to do, understand." As soon as she stopped, she mentally admonished herself for yelling at the boy. She couldn't understand why she did it, but she resolved to try harder not to in the future.  
  
  
"Yes." Shinji began to stare at the ground.  
  
  
"Do you understand!" Asuka grabbed Shinji's chin and forced him to look at her.  
  
  
"YES."  
  
  
"Good, so...do you think these guys carried any food or water?" she asked after releasing her grip. She began to walk toward the back of the truck.  
  
  
Shinji stood in shock for a moment, trying to understand exactly what had just happened. A chorus of German profanities broke his silent reflection as Asuka's attempt to enter the back of the truck ended with her seated on the ground.  
  
  
"Asuka, you can't climb up there with one arm, you're going to hurt yourself. I'll take a look."  
  
  
With that Shinji carefully picked up the discarded jumpsuit and placed it back into the front seat and shut the door. They had both decided that it would be wrong to disturb any clothing if possible. Asuka had said that it was comparable to grave desecration, and Shinji had to agree. However, they also had agreed that anything that wasn't in the piles was free game so Shinji jumped into the back of the truck.  
  
  
"What do you see?" Asuka eagerly asked.  
  
  
"Well there's a bunch of equipment, radio's, helmets and stuff." Asuka could hear the sounds of drawers and cabinets being opened and shut emanate from the truck.  
  
  
"Water, I found some water bottles."  
  
  
"Great, hand one out here, I'm dying of thirst!" Asuka moved to the opening in anticipation.  
  
  
"Hold on, let me finish checking everything first."   
  
  
Asuka crossed her arms and began tapping her foot on the ground. "You better find something good for making me wait."  
  
  
A few moments later Shinji's head emerged from the canvas opening in back of the truck, "How's this?" In his hands was a box filled with water bottles, energy bars and instant meals.  
  
  
"The Japanese Army sure was prepared." Asuka exclaimed at seeing the bounty in front of her. She had not really felt it before, but now the pangs of hunger suddenly washed over her. She had been too busy to feel hungry, but now with relief so close at hand, her stomach growled audibly.  
  
  
"Yeah, I guess so." Shinji supposed. He jumped out and moved over to the front of a small car, which was parked next to the truck. He placed the box down and they both sat on the edge of hood. Shinji watched in silence as his companion began to tear open one energy bar after another, each one destined to silence the German's stomach. After a handful of bars, Asuka finally looked up, instant meal in one hand, water bottle in the other, "Are you going to eat or what?" she asked, though it was barely recognizable given her mouth full of food.  
  
  
"Huh?"  
  
  
Asuka swallowed her food and continued, "I said are you going to eat? How can you not be hungry?" She took a quick chug of the water before moving it back to her bandaged hand.  
  
  
"I...I guess I was just watching you..." Shinji stammered.  
  
  
Asuka put down her food and water. "Watching me? What are you stupid?"  
  
  
"No, its just that it reminded me of all the times we used to eat together at Misato's." A slight frown appeared on Shinji's face.  
  
  
"Shinji," Asuka sighed, "you have to let it go."  
  
  
"Let what go?"  
  
  
Asuka glanced away, "the past..."  
  
  
"Why, I still have good memories of the past, memories that I don't want to forget." Shinji continued to stare at her.  
  
  
Asuka looked back at him. "Memories are fine, but you still have to keep on living, you still have to move on...you have to keep going Shinji, the past is done, it can never be changed. All you can do is continue on and learn from your mistakes."  
  
  
Shinji paused and then replied, "I guess your right, but we still had some good times you must admit."  
  
  
Asuka sat for a minute, "I never knew anyone could drink that much beer."  
  
  
"Or eat that much take out, how did she ever keep her figure?"  
  
  
"Figures you would notice her figure, you pervert," Asuka jokingly replied. The two children enjoyed a mutual laugh as visions of their former guardian danced in their heads.  
  
  
Shinji gazed away from her, "you sound like Misato."  
  
  
"Huh...what!" Asuka unconsciously began to fret about.  
  
  
"Misato said the same thing to me right before I ran away the last time," Shinji replied without looking back.  
  
  
"Well...I guess I underestimated how smart she was, we great minds think alike you know." A smug smile appeared on her face.  
  
  
Shinji thought for a moment, "maybe...but,"  
  
  
"But what, but what?" her smile had disappeared, replaced by an expression of bewilderment.  
  
  
Again, Shinji paused and then replied, "I think she was drunk at the time."  
  
  
Asuka's face contorted, "Huh...what do you...errrr!"  
  
  
Shinji turned back around to reveal a beaming smile, one that Asuka told herself she had not seen in a long time. A smile she admitted she had missed seeing on him.  
  
  
"Sorr..."  
  
  
"Don't say it, Third Child," Asuka hissed, "If you say sorry I'll...I'll..."  
  
  
"You'll what, Miss one arm, one eye? Bleed on me." Shinji was obviously enjoying this little exchange.  
  
  
Asuka on the other hand was not prepared for his newfound boldness and she had been taken by surprise, "Well just remember I don't need two arms to kick your ass."   
  
  
"If you're going to kick my ass, its not your arms that I need to worry about." Shinji was laughing.  
  
  
"Rest assured that my arms, I mean my legs are just fine and...you know what I mean!" Asuka was becoming upset.  
  
  
"Sorr..." Shinji could literally feel the glare she directed at him. "Never mind."  
  
  
"Just shut up and eat your food, Idiot!" Asuka huffed.  
  
  
Asuka picked up her water and food and began to resume her meal. Fighting with Shinji took a lot of energy and she needed to replace it. She continued eating and staring out to the distant ocean.   
  
  
After a few minutes passed she spoke up. "Hey Shinji can you pass me another meal?" As she turned to receive it, she noticed that Shinji still had not taken anything to eat. "What are you waiting for, eat something."  
  
  
Shinji's mood seemed serious again, "I told you, I'm not hungry."  
  
  
"You have to be hungry, it's been a whole day." Asuka's voice had turned to a pleading tone.  
  
  
"I just don't want to eat." Shinji looked away toward the distant coast.  
  
  
Asuka took a moment or two, then erupted, "Eat some food you jerk, you need your strength to take care of me!"  
  
  
"I said I am not hungry, stop worrying about me, you never did before!" Shinji replied without turning around.  
  
  
Asuka raised her hand and pointed, prepared to say something, only to stop before any words emerged. She froze in this position for a minute, mouth open, finger pointing at an oblivious Shinji, deep in thought. "I may have only one arm and one eye, but I can still teach you a lesson."  
  
  
Turning back to face her, Shinji replied, "Like what?"  
  
  
"I'm going to teach you a lesson about not listening to me. I am going to eat all of your portion of the food and then when you realize that you are hungry, you will have nothing to eat."  
  
  
Shinji looked down at still impressive pile of food. Asuka's meal had barely put a dent in the collection of foodstuffs and by his rough estimate there was enough food for at least 3 more servings, maybe more. "Go ahead and try."  
  
  
"Oh I'll do it and when I do you'll be sorry." Asuka quickly replied.  
  
  
Shinji had listened to just about enough. "Asuka, look at all this food. If by some miracle you were able to hold it all down, your plug suit would explode at the seams. That is of course unless you're using your Type B suit." The image of Asuka in her Type B suit flashed into his mind. A slight smile formed on his face as her remembered how embarrassed she was when he was the one to help her out of the core plug after the mission to Mt. Asama.  
  
  
Asuka seemed to blush as the same image ran through her mind. "Oh you dork, don't remind me of that...that thing. I looked like a big red beach ball." They both let out a slight chuckle as an image of a helpless Asuka rolling around on a deserted beach simultaneously entered both of their minds.  
  
  
"Well, if you try to eat all this food, you'll look just like that again." Shinji crossed his arms with a satisfied smile on his face.  
  
  
Asuka glanced at Shinji, then back at the food, then back to Shinji. He was right, she couldn't eat all that food. She knew that she couldn't let him win, after all she was doing this for his own good. She decided to try a different approach, "Well, you're right for once, I can't eat all that food."  
  
  
Shinji seemed quite proud of himself for finally outsmarting the girl.  
  
  
"However, I may not be able to eat all that food, but nothing is stopping me from doing this." Asuka took one of the energy bars out of the pile and carefully ripped the top open. She removed the bar and stared at Shinji while she placed the bar in her mouth. Shinji was taken back when, instead of eating it, she removed it and placed it back into it wrapper. She placed that one aside and grabbed the next item in the pile.  
  
  
"Asuka, what the hell are you doing?"  
  
  
"Well, I can't eat them all, so I'll do the next best thing. I'm going to lick every piece of food so you'll be to disgusted to eat it. Then it will all be mine and you will go hungry." Asuka had the look of victory on her face as she started opening the next bar.  
  
  
Shinji grabbed her arm before she could put the bar in her mouth. "You're acting like a child. I just don't feel like eating, that's all."  
  
  
Asuka stared at Shinji, then pulled her arm free. "Fine, if you don't want to eat, then don't eat. I don't care...but if you don't stop me soon, you are going to have to find your own food." As before she placed the bar in her mouth and repeated her previous procedure. "Yup, all this fine food will be off limits to Shinji."  
  
  
"What are you talking about, I can still eat it, its not like your spit is poison." Shinji actually had to think about that for a second.  
  
  
Asuka sensed the tide turning and she pressed her attack, "Poison?!?!, Nothing as drastic as that but...I know that you wouldn't dare eat something that's been in a girl's mouth. Your too afraid of girls to do something like that."  
  
  
Shinji began to edge closer to Asuka. "Stop trying to goad me, I said I'm not hungry, I don't want to eat."   
  
  
"Yup, too afraid of girls." Asuka could feel victory within reach.  
  
  
"I am not!" Shinji was right next to Asuka now, his face inches from hers, their eyes locked, their lips tantalizingly close.  
  
  
Asuka delivered the coup de grace, "Such a pathetic little boy."  
  
  
Shinji stared directly into her unbandaged eye and slowly moved his hand over to hers. His hand delicately caressed the top of her hand, causing her to startle slightly and release a small gasp. He held her hand for just a moment and then quickly pulled out the open energy bar. His eyes never moving from her he spoke, "Fine, I'll eat if it will shut you up!" With that he took a large bite out of the bar, carefully chewing it as he continued his staring contest with her. Two bites later, he had devoured the entire thing. "There are you happy now, I'm eating!" The grabbed another one and tore it open.  
  
  
Asuka did not reply but rather turned away to return to her own food, a small smile escaping despite her best efforts to hold it in. Thank you, Shinji she thought to herself.  
  
  
They both continued eating in silence.  
  
  
---------  
  
  
Shinji got up, stretched and turned to Asuka, "We had better get a move on, it won't be light too much longer." Asuka nodded her head in agreement.  
  
  
"I want to check these trucks to see if there's anything else of use before we move on. I kind of stopped looking after I found the food and water."  
  
  
Asuka scanned the line of vehicles, "Tell you what Shinji, you check this one again, it seems to be the supply truck, and I'll give the other ones a quick check."  
  
  
Shinji looked worriedly at her, "Are you sure you'll be alright?"  
  
  
"Yeah, the food really helped, I feel much better, look." Asuka moved her bandaged arm around and smiled at Shinji. He returned the grin and she performed a quick little spin to emphasize her point. "See, nothing to worry about, now come on, the sun's starting to go down."  
  
  
Shinji followed her gaze and could see that in fact the sun was just touching the distant horizon. "Ok, grab anything you think we can use, stuff like food and water, matches,..."  
  
  
Asuka interrupted him, "I'm not stupid, you know. I am the college graduate here."  
  
  
"Oh, yeah...right...sorry." Shinji cringed as she tightened her hands into fists and shook them by her side.  
  
  
"Arrgh, just get going, idiot!" Asuka turned and stormed away.  
  
  
Shinji jumped into the truck and started his search. He found a large canvas bag and deciding that it would prove useful, he emptied its contents. He began stuffing the bag with items he found in the first set of cabinets he searched. He put the remaining food and water, a flashlight, and a lighter into the bag. Spotting a tent at the bottom of the cabinets, he placed it next to the entrance of the truck. He moved to the other side of the truck and commenced searching the cabinets on that side. He opened the first door and found a stack of large blankets. He quickly grabbed 2 and then stuffed them into the bag. Shinji stopped for a moment of thought, and then with a sly smirk he placed one back. He continued on to the second cabinet and finding it only filled with adult sized uniforms, he shut the door and proceeded to the last cabinet. Causally he opened the door and gasped. Inside he could see a myriad of different weapons and their associated accessories.  
  
  
"Wow, rifles, machine guns, hey that looks like a rocket launcher. Boy, if Kensuke were here he would have had a field day with this stuff." Shinji then noticed the locks, which held the aforementioned items in place. He pulled on the restraints but to no avail, they were made to keep unauthorized personnel out, and he certainly didn't belong in there. Shinji sighed and began to shut the door when he caught it out of the corner of his eye. It's polished chrome surface stood out amongst the black and olive drab surrounding it. He slowly bent down and cradled the weapon in his hands. It felt cold and unforgiving he thought, but yet he suddenly sensed powerful. He could feel his heart racing as he deliberately brought the gun up to his face, squinting as the little sunlight that was present glinted off into his eyes. A grin, small at first but growing larger by the minute, appeared on his face as he twisted it with a perverse fascination, examining his toy from every possible angle. He held it like he had seen Misato do before, feeling its deceptive, but gratifying weight transfer from his hand to his arm and throughout his body. He softly flicked the safety switch and gently gripped the trigger...  
  
  
Asuka had been feeling pretty good about herself. She had not found a lot of supplies, but then again she hadn't expected to find much. After all, stupid Shinji got to look in the supply truck while she got stuck looking in the smaller command vehicles. Still, she had in her opinion done a good job, finding a lighter, some water, a first aid kit, a blanket, and most important a map. Shinji may know the area around Tokyo-3, but she doubted he knew much about the rest of Japan. She sighed as she finished checking the last vehicle and found nothing useful. She loudly slammed the door and yelled, "Hey, Shinji, are you done yet?"  
  
  
She started walking back toward the supply truck. "Hey, dork, I said I'm done and as usual I did pretty well." The continued silence began to grate on her nerves. "What the hell are you doing in there?..."  
  
  
Shinji jumped as he heard Asuka's approaching voice. She seemed to snap him out of the trance that the handgun had put him under. He shook his head and carefully put the safety switch back on. Her second call was much closer than the first and he began to panic. She wouldn't understand, it's for our protection, he thought, I'll be careful, I...I may need this someday. He could hear her footsteps directly outside and he hastily placed the gun to his chest while turning his back to her.  
  
  
Poking her head through the canvas door Asuka bellowed, "Idiot, what in the hell is taking you so long?"  
  
  
"Nothing, I'm just finishing," Shinji replied while he knelt down behind the canvas bag and warily wrapped the gun in the blanket.  
  
  
Asuka strained to see what Shinji was doing. "Hey, what do you have there? Is that what I think it is?" His heart skipped a beat as he stuffed the blanket into the bag. He had been caught and he mentally prepared himself for her tirade. "Oh great, you found a blanket, at least you aren't completely stupid."  
  
  
Shinji breathed out sigh of relief as he nervously cinched the top shut. He slung the heavy bag over his shoulder and then turned around to face his cohort. Much to Shinji's surprise, Asuka had disappeared from the opening. "Figures," he whispered, "the minute her presence could actually be useful, she's no where to be found." He smiled to himself, savoring his little joke, before trudging to the opening.  
  
  
Outside, Asuka quickly rummaged through her knapsack of supplies. She could hear Shinji drop the bag on the ground as she finally found what she was looking for. "Asuka, where are you?"  
  
  
In one fluid motion she pulled something out of her knapsack and threw it under the truck. "I'll be right there," she answered to Shinji's calling. She began to refasten the clasps on the knapsack when she saw him thrust his head around the side of the truck and begin walking toward her. "I'm just making sure that everything's secure, don't want to lose anything ya know."  
  
  
"Here, let me help you." Shinji knelt down next to her. "Hey you got some great stuff, first aid kit, water...is that a map, excellent." He looked at her beaming face.  
  
  
"Yes...well you know, I just figured that...um we could use this stuff." His compliments had caught her off guard.   
  
  
Shinji stood up and held out his hand. Asuka looked at it for a moment and then took it as he helped her to her feet. "Well, I don't think we are going to find any shelter before dark, but I found a tent so I guess that will have to do."  
  
  
"Well, it's better than nothing I guess."...  
  
  
---------  
  
  
Shinji had finally finished putting up the tent just as the last remnants of the sun disappeared beneath the horizon. Asuka had made a campfire out of some army manuals and dead wood and was seated on a log in front of it. Although the day had been quite hot, and the chill of the night had not yet settled in, she found the warmth of the fire very comforting. She looked around at the scenery, the clear skies providing a beautiful view of the pale white moon just beginning to rise above the ocean. She had been feeling very uneasy as the darkness began to creep in around her. She told herself that must be why she made the fire as large as she did. Shinji joined her at the fire, sitting across from her on the ground.  
  
  
"There's plenty of room over her, you know." Asuka groaned upon seeing Shinji seated on the ground.  
  
  
"Well, I wasn't sure that you would want me to sit on your seat."  
  
  
"Shinji, we need to talk," Asuka sighed.  
  
  
"What?" Shinji cocked his head in an effort to improve his hearing.  
  
  
"We need to talk."  
  
  
"Um...Ok." Shinji's voice had to rise over the snapping and hissing of the flames between them. "What do you want to talk about?"  
  
  
"Well...!," Asuka started to reply but cut her response short. She stared through the fire directly into his eyes. "Get over here, I'm not going to scream to talk to you!"  
  
  
Shinji sighed and then grudgingly got up and sat down next to the girl, still keeping a noticeable gap between himself and Asuka.  
  
  
"Thank you, " she spoke softly. She began to stare at the flames dancing in the fire. "Shinji, we have a couple of things we need to work out."  
  
  
"Yes." Shinji turned to gaze out to the ocean.  
  
  
"First off, whether you like it or not we have to stick together. I don't know how long until I, or even if I'll ever, fully heal." Asuka shuttered at that thought but continued on, "I hate not being able to help as much as I should, but I promise I will do all that I can. I don't want to die here, Shinji. I fought too hard yesterday to throw it away now. It would have been so easy to just give in but I didn't. I refuse to believe that we are the only ones left, but either way I don't plan on dying for a long time. Anyway, until I can fend for myself, I need you to stay," Asuka's voice threatened to crack,"...regardless of your feelings toward me."  
  
  
Shinji had been nodding along with Asuka's comments until she reached the end. He turned back toward her with a look of bewilderment. My feelings toward her?, he thought, she's the one who will leave, she's the one who hates me.  
  
  
In the dim light of the fire, Asuka missed the expression on Shinji's face and assuming his silence confirmed his agreement, continued on, "Now that we have that out of the way, we need to get the sleeping arrangements squared away because I am dead tired."  
  
  
They both stared at the tent, then at each other, and then back to the tent. Seconds turned into minutes as they both peered into the darkness that emerged from within the structure. Asuka finally broke the spell, "Well, we really should get some sleep."  
  
  
"Y...Yes, I mean it's getting late." Shinji stammered.  
  
  
"Yeah, its getting late...so are you ready?"  
  
  
"Ready for what?" Shinji quizzed.  
  
  
"To go to sleep, stupid." Asuka huffed.  
  
  
"Oh, right...I'll get ready" Shinji stood up and looked around for a decent place to put down.  
  
  
Asuka watched him with bafflement as Shinji carefully scanned the immediate area, and ultimately settling on a space, laid down. "Good night Asuka."  
  
  
Asuka hung her down and shook it from side to side and with a groan she walked over to him. Standing over the reclined Shinji she crossed her arms over her chest and glared down at him. He slowly opened one eye and looked at her, "What?"  
  
  
"What are you doing? I said it was time to go to sleep." Asuka shouted.   
  
  
"That's what I'm trying to do, if you would leave me alone," Shinji closed his eye again.  
  
  
"What about the tent?"  
  
  
"What about it, it's all ready for you, I even laid out the blanket for you."  
  
  
"Well, you aren't going to sleep in there?"  
  
  
Shinji opened his eyes. "I didn't think that you would want me to sleep in there with you."  
  
  
Asuka's hands slipped down by her side and she offered her good one to Shinji. "Come here, idiot." Shinji took Asuka's hand and stood up. "Well, you did carry most of the stuff, and you did most of the work putting it up, so it would only be fair to allow you to stay in it with me."  
  
  
Shinji dusted off his clothes as they walked to the tent. "Thanks."  
  
  
"Nothing to thank me for, remember we have to start working together."  
  
  
"Yes"  
  
  
"Good, now here are the rules". Asuka began wagging her finger at Shinji to emphasize her point. "No snoring, no checking out my body, no touching, no hentai fantasies about Wondergirl, no perverted acts, no funny stuff, and most of all no kissing, you got me."   
  
  
"W...what fantasies?...Huh?" Shinji spluttered before remembering the point of the whole exchange. "Well, yes I guess"  
  
  
"Yes, what?"   
  
  
"Yes I will follow all of your rules!" Shinji stood straight at attention in a mock salute.  
  
  
"All of them?" Asuka probed.  
  
  
"Yes, all of them."  
  
  
A frown appeared on Asuka's face as she turned away. "Such a boring little boy," she commented as she climbed into the tent leaving a stunned Shinji behind.   
  
  
Shinji stood in quiet reflection at her last comment. Was she teasing him, or was there something else? He just couldn't understand her sometimes he decided.  
  
  
His stupor was broken by Asuka's voice. "Get your ass in gear, Shinji, it's getting cold in here with the door open."  
  
  
Shinji quickly entered the tent and zipped the door shut. Although it was quite dark inside, just enough light from the fire permeated the walls that he could make out where Asuka had chose to lay down and he quietly moved to the other side. Picking the farthest point possible from her, he laid down and instinctively grabbed the blanket and pulled it over himself. Much to his surprise, the blanket stopped in mid flight so he pulled again in an attempt to free it from its impediment. This time it flew gracefully over him and he promptly wrapped himself up in it.  
  
  
Shinji didn't understand much German, and the few words he knew were not for use in polite conversation, so when he began to hear a string of German rise up behind him he knew it could not be good. Sitting straight up he slowly turned to the source of the commotion.  
  
  
"Get your own blanket, dork." Shinji could feel a tug and he surrendered his short-lived prize.   
  
  
Shinji laid staring at the ceiling of the tent for a few moments, however soon the chill began to set in. He got up and rummaged through the canvas bag, suddenly remembering his brilliant move of leaving a blanket behind. He closed the bag with a sigh and he laid back down. He tightened into a ball as he began to shiver from the chill.   
  
  
He felt a presence kneeling over him. "Remember, we have to work together, Shinji." Asuka said as she carefully placed half of the blanket over him. Shinji could feel her warmth still in the wool as he wrapped it around himself.  
  
  
"Thanks."  
  
  
"It's nothing, but since we only have one blanket, we are going to have to get closer together." Shinji could feel someone stirring behind him as she worked herself closer. He flinched as part of her touched him. "Jeez relax, I'm not going to hurt you." He could now feel her right against his back, snuggling in tight against him. After one last moment of adjustment, the movement behind him ceased except for the periodic raising and lowering of her chest.  
  
  
"Asuka?"  
  
  
"Yes," she replied in a callous tone.  
  
  
"Well...um..."  
  
  
"Spit it out you dork! I'm trying to sleep here."  
  
  
"It's just that you're breaking one of your own rules."  
  
  
"Huh, what?"  
  
  
"You know, no touching."  
  
  
"Well, I guess there's no choice given the circumstances," she retorted, "But the other rules still apply, got it!"  
  
  
"All of them?"  
  
  
"Yes, all of them"  
  
  
Shinji wrapped the covers tightly around himself. He waited for a long time, until he thought that she would be just about asleep, "Such a boring little girl."  
  
  
He had been expecting the worst. He knew it would be bad, possibly painful but at the least it would be bad. No one ever embarrassed Asuka Langley Sohryu without extreme physical or emotional pain. Now it was the waiting that was getting to him, waiting for the inevitable comeback to his comment. Instead of a flood of fists and insults, Shinji was surprised to feel a gentle shaking behind him. A shaking as if someone as crying; yet he knew that wasn't the case. The shaking grew faster and larger as the girl could no longer hold it in any longer. Shinji smiled as her laughter broke through the silence of night.  
  
  
"There's hope for you yet, idiot."  
  
  
The two children enjoyed a brief moment of joy in what had been difficult day. Soon their mutual laughter died down and they settled down for a good night's sleep. Shinji flinched, just a little, as Asuka seemed to draw him close, much closer than before. He for the first time in a long time he felt good. He wasn't upset about the events of the previous days, he didn't feel alone, and most of all, for the first time since Third Impact, he felt that maybe, just maybe there was a reason to hope. With that thought fresh in his mind, a smiling Shinji closed his eyes and nodded off to fight his nightmares on their own terms.  
  
  
Outside next to the smoldering fire, a solitary figure stood. Her eyes were as red as the glowing embers and they fixed on the tent where the two children lay sleeping. A slight smile could be seen on her lips as she watched them slumber. "Sleep well children, you have but started the path and there are many obstacles ahead."   
  
  
  
  
Authors Notes:   
  
  
I had to post this sooner than I wanted, I needed to get that Brittany Spears thing out of everyone's mind.  
Ok, 2 down, many more to go. Sorry for the pacing but I wanted to keep things slow at first to try to keep everyone in character. Rest assured the pace will pick up now that I have most of my important plot points in place. It may seem unimportant but I had to get them some food and water, can't have them starving to death half way through the fic, plus I was able to use that time to get some plot working.  
I could see Asuka acting immature in the food situation. She purposely went to his level in an effort to make Shinji see how stupid he was acting.  
Before I get a bunch of emails, remember Shinji put up the tent so he had plenty of time to hide the gun.  
OK, who thought that we might get a lemon there at the end? Come on, their both dirty, tired, and still have no idea how they feel about one another. Don't worry though next episode we're going for some fan service and get Asuka out of that plug suit!  
Again another word of big thanks to my prereaders, Random1377 and 20eva, again for finding and fixing a multitude of mistakes. Those guys are the best.  
As always, C & C is appreciated, please contact me at nergalfanfic@yahoo.com.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Promise of a Brave New World Unfurled

  
Nergal Fan Fiction LLC   
A division of Nergal Heavy Industries proudly presents:  
  
  
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: RENAISSANCE OF MAN  
  
  
Chapter Three "PROMISE OF A BRAVE NEW WORLD UNFURLED"  
  
  
by Ryoma  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion have been used without permission. All characters contained in this work are copyright GAINAX, Project EVA, Movic, AD Vision and Manga Entertainment. All proceeds generated by this fic will be distributed to them, I promise.  
  
  
  
"This sucks!" Asuka Langley Sohryu trumpeted. "Urgh! I'm so sick of wearing this damn suit!" The Eva plug suit was a modern marvel. Aside from presenting an excellent medium for the transmission of neural impulses, it also supplied the pilot with a carefully controlled atmosphere and temperature. Of course that was when it had sufficient battery power, and unfortunately for her this suit had run out of power a long time ago. Now she was shrink wrapped in a form fitting, hot, heavy, neoprene sock. "I swear if I don't find something else to wear soon, I'm going buck naked!"  
  
  
Any normal male within earshot would have most likely drooled at that possibility, however Shinji Ikari was the exception that proved the rule at this point in time. Sure, he did find the possibility of viewing his companion in more intimate attire appealing, but that was the first time she threatened to do it. He also felt the same attraction the second and third times, but by now he had given up the dream. Still, if he didn't say something soon, she would assume that he was ignoring her again.  
  
  
"At last my wish has come true, I must have died and gone to heaven." Shinji tried his best to sound enthused, but his words still rang hollow.  
  
  
"Oh, you'll die alright, Third Child, when I beat you to..." Asuka paused for a moment than turned to him with a frown, "Hey, that's the exact reply you said last time." She blushed with embarrassment as the idea that she had been complaining a bit too much set in. "Well, even YOU have to admit that these suits weren't made for this much walking."  
  
  
Shinji reminisced about his own experiences with a plug suit and realized how bad she had it. "I guess I never thought about how uncomfortable you must be. I'm sorry I made fun of you."  
  
  
"Apology accepted," Asuka replied with a certain sense of satisfaction.  
  
  
They had been walking for quite a while and the sun was shining directly overhead. Packing up the camp had gone very quickly, as they both seemed eager to move on from the ruins of Tokyo-3.  
  
  
"Where are we going again?" she quizzed.  
  
  
"Gora," came his terse reply.  
  
  
"And we are going there why?"  
  
  
"For the third time, we are going to Gora because it is the closest village to Tokyo-3 in this direction," Shinji replied a matter of factly. He had explained all of this to her before they left.  
  
  
Asuka stiffened up at his tone. "I knew that, you dork!"  
  
  
"Well then why did you ask?" he whined.  
  
  
Asuka scratched her head trying to think of an intelligent reply. "I was just making sure that YOU knew where we were going, that's all," she smiled content with her response. Shinji just stared at her with his mouth open, his hand curling into and out of a fist. "So, how much farther?"  
  
  
They stopped and Shinji pulled out the map. "Let's see, if we are here, and Gora is there, we need to...then turn left...if one inch equals..." he continued muttering. Asuka watched silently as Shinji stared into the heavens, mentally performing arithmetic calculations in his head.  
  
  
"Wunderbar!" she grumbled and began to tap her foot as she observed him look down at the map, then back to his imaginary calculator in the sky, then back down to the map. "Scheisse! Give me the damn thing!" she roared tearing the map out of Shinji's hands.  
  
  
"Hey," he whimpered, holding his hands out as if he still had the map. "I could have figured it out."  
  
  
"Moron, with your navigational skills, we would have ended up back an the damn beach!" Asuka huffed while studying the map.  
  
  
Shinji kicked a small rock off the road, "We would not, I know how to navigate," he grumbled.  
  
  
"Shinji, you once got lost crossing a bridge," Asuka rebuked without looking up from the map.  
  
  
"I...It was foggy." Shinji kicked another rock off the road.  
  
  
Asuka's focus slowly moved up to look directly at him. A slight smirk appeared on the redhead as she gazed into his eyes for a moment before she returned to the map. "Well, you at least started us in the right direction." She could not help but notice the look of triumph on the boy as she continued, "Oh course if we had taken that side road a couple of miles back, we would be there by now."  
  
  
The appearance of satisfaction now gone Shinji answered, "Err...well...sorry." Asuka carefully folded the map; and then smacked him over the head with it. "Ow, what was that for?"  
  
  
"That was for making us walk all this extra distance, and..." she smacked him again, "that is for asking stupid questions."  
  
  
Shinji stood rubbing his head. In his mind he thought of a thousand different things to say, yet as she stood next to him with the map locked and loaded, he knew he had to be very careful. "I really am sorry, from now on you should be in charge of all navigation and map duties. After all, you are the smartest." He cringed awaiting another blow.  
  
  
Asuka paused to review his comments. She began to beam from ear to ear as her new sense of worth sunk in. "Of course I should be in charge of navigation, I'm glad you see things my way." Shinji breathed a sigh of relief and smiled at her. "But apart from walking all this extra distance, we may have a bigger problem." She pointed to a location on the map. "The Asahi Gorge."  
  
  
"The Asahi Gorge, what would be the problem there?" Shinji retorted.  
  
  
She stared directly at him, in reaction to his tone of voice, "Normally there wouldn't be a problem, but if that bridge is out we're screwed."  
  
  
"Oh, I didn't think of that," he groaned, then reverted to his standard reply, "I'm sorry."  
  
  
Asuka grit her teeth upon hearing his reply, "I swear to god I'm going to throw your ass into that gorge if you keep saying I'm sorry to everything. Dammit Shinji, when are you going to start being a man?" Shinji stood letting her words soak in. She awaited a reply but sensing that none was coming decided to move on, "Well, we've come this far so we'll know either way shortly."  
  
  
----------  
  
  
The Asahi Gorge was one of Japan's truly magnificent natural wonders, bordered on one end by the Asahi waterfall and the Nana Prefecture on the other end. The most pronounced feature of the gorge was its beautiful, suspension bridge. The Asahi Gorge Bridge was an engineering marvel. Built in 1989 it had survived Second Impact, numerous typhoons, floods, and from all initial appearances, Third Impact. Shinji released an audible sigh of relief upon finally seeing the light green of the twin support towers and the fact that everything appeared in order. He ran ahead and out to the middle of the bridge. Looking out he could see lush forests running down each side of the canyon. In fact all he could see were trees in every direction. He began leaning over the side, catching a better view of the river running a couple of hundred feet below. The height made it almost mesmerizing as he could just make out the rushing water below. Shinji was enjoying this sense of freedom and something about this feeling made him lean farther and farther out.  
  
  
Suddenly Shinji could feel himself beginning to lose his balance as he began to shift more and more out over the edge. He began to flail his arms in a desperate attempt to maintain his balance as he continued sliding over the edge. In desperation he finally screamed, "AAAAHHHHH."  
  
  
Asuka began to laugh as she finally stopped pushing on the boy and allowed him to move back away from the railing. "That serves you right for making us walk all this extra distance."  
  
  
Shinji panted trying to catch his breath. "That wasn't funny, Asuka," he replied in between gasps. "I could have fallen over you know."  
  
  
"Shinji, you only thought that you were falling, you weren't anywhere near going over. Plus, I had your back the whole time."  
  
  
"Well, you still scared the crap out of me you know." Shinji frowned, "How would you like it if I did that to you?"  
  
  
Asuka raised her fist; "I'd punch you square in the face if you tried."  
  
  
Shinji could sense by her tone that she was being quite serious so he decided that it was best to continue on, "Well, lets get going...after you."  
  
  
Asuka began to walk and then noticed that Shinji was remaining a few steps behind her. Sensing he was up to something she stopped. "What are you doing, dork?" She spun around to see him right behind her with his arms out in front of him. Upon seeing her turn around he quickly put them down by his side. "You were going to push me, weren't you?"  
  
  
"No I wasn't," he objected. "You're just being nervous."  
  
  
"I swear if you try to push me, I'll kick you." Asuka swung her leg a couple of times to determine her range.  
  
  
"I'm not going to touch you, now lets get going." Shinji started to walk but stopped as soon as she began to move.  
  
  
"Shinji, god damn it, cut it out!" Asuka had again spun around upon not sensing that he was walking beside her.  
  
  
"What, I'm not doing anything. Wow, you really are paranoid." Shinji chuckled and began to slowly walk towards her.  
  
Asuka again began walking and when she sensed that Shinji was not next to her, she began to run. This action caught him by surprise for a moment and he quickly broke into a sprint to try to catch her. Although on most days Asuka could easily beat the boy in a race, her plug suit was providing just enough of a hindrance to allow her initial lead to fade. She again stopped and whirled when she around felt him directly behind her.  
  
  
"What is you problem, why won't you leave me alone!" Asuka howled while panting to catch her breath.  
  
  
"I'm not doing anything, you just started running so I went after you." Shinji replied with a snicker. Noticing the tone in his voice, Asuka too began to giggle and soon both of the children were caught up in the ridiculousness of both of their actions.  
  
  
Asuka was the first to break laughter, "All right, I'm sorry I scared you back there."  
  
  
"No problem, and I'm sorry I made you run across the bridge."  
  
  
"Sure you are, now lets get going." Asuka turned and began to walk.  
  
  
"Ok, after you." Shinji again started to walk and stopped.  
  
  
"Shinji!" Asuka did not bother to turn around this time.  
  
  
Sensing that perhaps he had gone too far with his joke, Shinji briskly caught up to his partner and they continued on.  
  
  
----------  
  
  
Gora was your typical rural town. Set far enough away from the hustle and bustle of Tokyo-3 to afford its residents the quiet tranquility of life in the country, yet close enough to provide many of the modern conveniences of its larger neighbor. Even before the decision to locate Tokyo-3 nearby was made, Gora had always been a popular destination, renowned for its spectacular views of the Asami Gorge and its hot springs. The Kodai Resort and Hotel was the largest and finest establishment in the village. Normally the waiting list for use of the hot springs at the resort would preclude anyone from just walking up and gaining admission. However, given the current state of the world, Shinji and Asuka had no problems at the front desk.  
  
  
"This place is incredible!" Asuka exclaimed as the entered the main spa room. In it was a large pool, fed by the hot springs outside. Soft light filtered in the translucent panes that lined the walls. Slight wisps of steam could be seen emanating from the water as the two of them walked along the ceramic tiled pool edge. Asuka ran up to the water's edge and stuck her hand in. "Ahhh...that feels perfect." With that being said, she pressed the release button on her plug suit in anticipation of a nice bath. Unfortunately for her, the release mechanism also did not function with out power. "Scheisse!" she bellowed and began trying to find a way to squirm out of the suit. "Dammit...come on, DAMMIT..."  
  
  
"Do you need some help?"  
  
  
In her excitement she had completely forgot about the boy also standing in the room. "Yes, get the hell over here and help me get out of this suit!" She blushed heavily as she thought about the alternate meaning of that sentence. Judging by the similar look on Shinji, she could tell he had the same revelation.  
  
  
"What do I do?" he asked while walking up to the girl.  
  
  
"I don't know, see if there's someway to open this thing up, a manual release of something."  
  
  
Shinji carefully looked over the back of the suit, taking great care not to gaze lower than her waist. "There's a couple of latches on either shoulder blade."  
  
  
She flinched as he touched the latches. "Well go ahead, I don't have all day."  
  
  
Shinji gulped and began to work the 2 latches trying to open them. After a little work, he was able to begin to release them.  
  
  
Asuka could feel the tension in the suit relax a bit. "Shinji stop!" she screamed.  
  
  
He quickly let go of the latches and shifted to face her. Her face betrayed a look of fear as he gazed at her. "Asuka, tell me what's wrong?" he implored as he gently shook her, "what is the matter?"  
  
  
"Shinji, I'm scared." She took a moment to catch her breath before continuing, "what if...if this suit is the only thing holding me together?"  
  
  
"What are you talking about?" Shinji hastily reviewed her features to attempt to understand what she meant.  
  
  
"Shinji, those Eva Series did a real number on me. It's quite possible that suit is the only thing holding me together."  
  
  
Shinji saw that the she was shaking even though the room was quite warm. He carefully put his arm around her as she fell against his shoulder. They both remained in that position for some time before Asuka finally spoke. "I have to know, one way or another, I have to know."  
  
  
"Ok," was all that he could muster.  
  
  
Feeling a little more confident, she added, "Hell, at some point soon, I'm going to have to go to the bathroom, right?"  
  
  
Shinji relaxed some after Asuka's off hand comments. "Yeah, I guess so."  
  
  
She pulled herself off Shinji. "Ok, well here's the plan, you finish releasing the latches and then move back to the other side of the dividing wall." Asuka pointed to the large wall, which evenly divided the room.  
  
  
"No, I want to stay here with you."  
  
  
"This is not a request, this is an order." She turned around providing him easy access to the latches. Shinji gently finished loosening the latches. "Ok, I that's good enough, I can get it now. Take off and get out of here."  
  
  
"No, I need to make sure your all right first," he protested.  
  
  
Asuka paused for a moment then fumed, "You just want to see my naked body, don't you pervert!"   
  
  
"No, I just want to be here to help you, in case there's something wrong." His eyes conveyed the fear he was feeling in his heart.  
  
  
Having failed at shaming him into leaving, she decided to try a different tack, the truth. "Shinji," she started in a soft tone, "what are you going to do if half my intestines come out with the suit?"  
  
  
"Asuka, don't say things like that." Shinji was really starting to panic now as thoughts of losing his only companion soon filled his mind.  
  
  
"Why, it's the truth idiot." She paused to take a deep breath before persisting on, "Hey listen, we are going to have to face this sooner or later. I can't wear this suit forever, right." He just nodded as she continued, "It's not that I don't appreciate your help, it's just that if things are bad, I would rather not make you see it."  
  
  
"I understand," he replied as he headed for the door, "but if there's something wrong I'm coming back in no matter how bad it is."  
  
  
"Sure."  
  
  
Shinji disappeared behind the door and gradually closed it. Nervously he paced, stopping and listening every few seconds for any sounds from beyond the door. After what seemed to him like an eternity, his silence was broken by a large splash followed by a woman's scream. Without hesitation he ripped open the door and ran into the room. A few feet out into the pool he could see Asuka splashing around in the water. "Asuka, are you hurt!" He ran to the edge of the pool and began to remove his shirt.  
  
  
"Hold it right there, Third Child." Shinji stopped and noticed that she had stopped splashing around in the water. He looked out and saw just her head poking above the surface. "Just what in the hell do you think your doing?"  
  
  
"I heard the splashing and the scream and, well I thought..." Shinji began to fix his shirt.  
  
  
"Oh, yeah, sorry about that. The water was a little warmer than I thought." Asuka slowly moved toward him.  
  
  
"So, um, is everything... well you know," he stammered.  
  
  
"Just the way you used to fantasize about, Shinji," she teased. She started waving her arm indicating for him to back up as she got closer to the edge, "no peeking, hentai."  
  
  
Shinji was now standing with his back to the wall. "I'm glad that your all right," he replied.  
  
  
"Yeah...well, I guess I worked us both up for nothing." Asuka put her arms up on the edge of the pool.  
  
  
"Better to be safe than sorry," he supposed. "Hey are you going to check under the bandages?"  
  
  
"I think I'll give it another day or two. I don't want to ruin this good feeling with the ugly truth under these," she responded while motioning to her bandaged arm. "There's no telling how much of a mess those Lance's did to me."  
  
  
Shinji frowned at that last comment. "Maybe it won't be as bad as you think. I mean you were thinking the worst just now and everything turned out ok."  
  
  
"I sure hope so." Asuka pulled her arms off the edge of the pool and slowly pushed herself away. "So, are you coming in or what...the water's wonderful..." she trailed off as her head disappeared beneath the surface.  
  
  
He waited patiently for her return. "I'm going to scout around a bit and try to find us some place to stay for the night."  
  
  
"You would rather check out a creepy old hotel than stay here with a beautiful young woman, a very naked, beautiful young woman?" She smiled seductively at him, pushing herself a little higher out of the water.  
  
  
"Well, unless you plan on staying in the pool, I think it's best to make sure we have a good place to sleep. You go ahead and relax, I'll take care of it." He started toward the entrance to the hotel when he heard her voice calling for him.  
  
  
"Hey, Shinji, try to find me some clothes so I don't have to put that damn plug suit back on."  
  
  
"I was going to make sure we have some place to sleep and perhaps find some real food. I don't think I'll have a lot of time to look for clothes."  
  
  
"Well, if you find some clothes I'll make it worth your while," she called out as sexy as anyone could shouting across a room.  
  
  
"Why, are you going to do the cooking?" Shinji called back as he disappeared behind the door leaving Asuka to her thoughts.  
  
  
----------------  
  
  
"Shinji, I take back all of the bad things I ever said about you. This place is incredible!" Asuka exclaimed while falling back on to the couch. "First the clothes, and now this room, Shinji my boy, if I didn't think you'd pass out, I'd kiss you."   
  
  
Shinji was busy stoking the flames in the large circular fireplace in the center of the room. He leaned out to respond, "Yeah, well the hotel gift shop had plenty of stuff, I just hope you don't mind that everything says 'The Kodai Hotel and Resort' somewhere on it."  
  
  
Asuka began to carefully examine her attire. Shinji had picked out a nice white collared shirt and a matching pair of white dress shorts. "You know, I hadn't noticed," she moved her feet around, "Damn, its even on my socks."  
  
  
"Well, I grabbed a bunch of stuff, tee shirts and pants if you want something different." He returned the fire.  
  
  
"No, I think this stuff is fine...Hey Shinji?" He again poked his head around the fireplace to face her. "How did you know what size to get, I don't remember telling you."  
  
  
He blushed just a bit. "I just sorta knew what size you took."  
  
  
She returned his blush. "Well how did you know, were you going through my things to satisfy your perverted desires?"  
  
  
Shinji sighed, "No, nothing as diabolical as that. Who do you think did all the laundry, or did you think it washed itself?"  
  
  
"Oh, I forgot about that." Asuka stretched out the length of the couch. "You did a great job picking out the room."  
  
  
"Well this suite is much nicer than any of the other rooms I checked. It's got everything, a fireplace, multiple bedrooms, a nice view, the only bad thing is that it is on the top floor which makes for a long walk to the pool." The fire was now blazing and Shinji walked over to the couch. "So, which bedroom would you like?"  
  
  
Asuka leaped off the couch and sprinted over to the corner of the suite where the entrances to the 2 bedrooms were. She poked her head into the first room, looked around and then repeated the process with the second room. Returning to the main room she called out, "Well, you did find the place, you pick."  
  
  
Shinji shook his head, "No, you pick, I really don't care."  
  
  
Asuka crossed her arms and scowled, "I'm not going to sit here and argue, pick a damn room!"  
  
  
He hesitated for a moment, "I'll take the room on the left."  
  
  
Asuka hastily ran to inspect the rooms and called out, "Good choice, of course that leaves me with the big room and the big bed..." She walked back into sight before continuing, "hey, why did you take the small room?"  
  
  
"I don't know," Shinji shrugged, "I guess I wanted you to have the big room."  
  
  
He could instantly tell by the look on her face that she didn't care for his explanation. "I don't need your sympathy, jerk, if you want the big room take it."  
  
  
She could immediately tell by the look on his face that he too did not care for her reprimand. "Look, you asked me to make a choice and I did." She started to respond but he cut her short, "if its going to be a problem then I'll find another room in this place!" Shinji began to walk toward the front door.  
  
  
"Fine, you want to be stupid and take the small room, go right ahead," she quipped before storming into her own room and slamming the door shut.  
  
  
Shinji sighed and then began lugging the heavy canvas bag into his room. Although most of the items in it weren't needed now that they had shelter, there were still one or two things that he wanted to keep near him. He carefully placed the bag into the empty closet and shut the door. Turning around he scanned the room, taking in all its features. The bed, albeit smaller than the other, was still much larger and nicer than his old bed. All in all, the room was very nice and larger than his old room at Misato's. Returning to the main room, he fell down onto the couch and began staring at the ceiling, wondering what had set his companion off this time.  
  
  
--------  
  
  
"I'm going downstairs to find us some food." He wasn't exactly sure why he needed to tell her, it wasn't like she cared what he did, but it seemed the polite thing to do. "Do you want anything?" He stared at her door for a minute, awaiting a reply, and hearing none he got up and headed for the front door. "I'll be back in a little while," he added opening the front door and again awaiting a response. He started to leave when he finally heard a door open behind him. Turning he could see Asuka walking toward him.  
  
  
She drew up next to him and smiled, "Your not going shopping without me".  
  
  
"Well, let's go," he replied and started to close the door, however his progress was blocked by a certain redhead who refused to move.  
  
  
"Listen jerk," she barked, pointing with her finger for emphasis. Shinji began to cringe from the vicious look on her face as she prepared to proceed, "if you keep being this nice to me, I might..." The boy was forced to turn away as she continued to advance, their faces mere inches apart, her finger jabbing him in the chest. "I just might start to like it." Shinji's jaw dropped and he let loose a sigh of relief as he turned back and saw her beaming face. "And another thing..." her finger was still poking him in the chest and eventually his eyes were drawn to it as he dropped his chin for a better view. "Got you!" Asuka giggled as she quickly raised her hand and bopped his nose.   
  
  
By the time he realized what had just happened, the laughing girl was half way down the hall. He groaned and proceeded after her.  
  
  
---------  
  
  
"That was a great meal," Asuka proclaimed as she leaned back in her chair.  
  
  
"Thanks, it was nothing," he replied as he picked up the dishes off the table. "This place has all the best ingredients. If I only could have used the stove instead of the fire, the rice would have cooked more evenly." Shinji was grinning from ear to ear as cooking was one of his favorite subjects. "Tomorrow I'm going to put in more meat, it's just going to go bad soon anyway."  
  
  
Asuka had made her way over to the couch and was lying down. "I don't care what you do, just keep doing it because that meal was much better than the instant crap we had yesterday."  
  
  
"Did you really like it that much?"  
  
  
"Yeah, if you keep cooking like that, I'll be healed up in no time." Shinji thought about what she said and a frown grew on his face as he simply stared off into the distance. "Hell, that was better than anything Misato ever cooked and she had all the modern conveniences."  
  
  
With that last comment, he had completely lost interest in the topic and placed the rest of the dishes in the sink. "I'll take care of these in the morning, I'm going to bed now." He walked toward his room when he felt a hand on his shoulder.   
  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
  
"Nothing...I'm just kinda tired that's all." Shinji shrugged in an attempt to pull away.  
  
  
"Come on, it's not that late. Let's go enjoy the view." She began pushing him toward the sliding glass doors leading to the balcony.  
  
  
"No, come on...I don't want..." Shinji protested and fought back a little harder now.  
  
  
"Please, just for a couple of minutes," she pleaded but he continued to struggle. "Just for a couple of minutes."  
  
  
He stopped struggling and yielded to her request. Since their room was on the top floor of the hotel, the view was quite impressive. The lack of artificial light allowed nature to unleash its full fury of light and sound unopposed. Below the moonlight shone off the outside pool, while crickets chirped and fireflies danced in the forest that stretched up the distant hills as far as they could see. Asuka remembered a similar scene months ago after defeating the Ninth Angel. This time she was able to appreciate it much more. "It sure is beautiful, Shinji."  
  
  
"If you say so." He had spent more time staring at the balcony floor than anything else, and his uneasiness was very evident.  
  
  
"Hey, what kind of stupid answer is that?" she implored.  
  
  
He thought for a moment than responded. "I guess I just don't see any beauty in this world of mine."  
  
  
Asuka reviewed his choice of words and noticed the sullen look on his face. She decided to press on and try to reach him once again, "What is the matter Shinji?" She pressed on, not giving him a chance to answer. "It's a gorgeous night, and your standing next to the most beautiful girl in the world, what more could you ask for?"  
  
  
Shinji stiffened up. "No offense Asuka, but you are also the ugliest girl in the world...oh, also the tallest, the shortest, the smartest, and the dumbest. Do you know why?" It was his turn to cut her off before she could respond. "Because you are the only girl in the world."  
  
  
She paused as the true meaning of what he had just said soaked in. "You, you can't be sure that no one else is back on Earth. I mean other people could be back, hell everyone could be back but their just not here!" she declared.  
  
  
Shinji shook his head, "I know that no one else is here."  
  
  
The certainty in his voice frightened her but she continued, "how, can you be so damn sure that no one else is back."  
  
  
He sighed, "because I know where they all are." He began to stare up to the stars.  
  
  
Asuka had become quite agitated as her connection to Shinji was disintegrating before her eyes. "Where, where are they?"  
  
  
Shinji did not answer but rather continued to stare up into the night sky. She followed his gaze and for the first time noticed a faint band of red light which circled the sky. She thought to herself why she had not seen it before, perhaps she had and ignored it. Regardless, there it was and she was now fully aware of its presence, and she began to feel very frightened.  
  
  
"There they are Asuka, all that remains of the human race...thanks to yours truly." He turned and started back to the apartment. He paused after opening the sliding door and whispered, "and they're not coming back." He quietly entered his room and closed the door. Sometime later he heard the balcony door shut, followed by her door. He could soon make out her sobs over his own before finally falling asleep.  
  
  
A lone figure stood silently on the balcony. The sounds from inside the suite has long since stopped and the only sounds present were the crickets and the slight rustle of the wind. She gazed into the darkness that permeated the suite. "Ikari, you can not continue to carry the guilt of the entire world within you. It is not healthy. If you do not see the error of your ways soon, I fear the darkness will over come you." The moonlight gleamed off a single tear as it flowed down her ashen face. "Sohryu, please watch over him, he needs you now more than ever. Fulfill your purpose or all is truly lost."  
  
  
  
To be continued....  
  
  
  
Authors Notes:   
And so the plot moves forward...  
I just wanted to make it clear that there is other plant life and animals on Earth. When they were near Tokyo-3, there wasn't anything around due to the Geofront being ripped out the ground and also the N2 mines. However now that they are a good distance from ground zero, things are pretty much normal.  
The name Asami Falls is from episode 6, I added the Gorge. Nana Prefecture is from Gamera 3 and Gora is from multiple episodes of Eva. Kodai Resort is a reference to the pilot of the Space Cruiser Yamato, Kodai Susumu.  
Again, the last word of thanks to my 2 prereaders, 20eva, and Random1377 for finding and fixing all my mistakes.  
As always, C & C is appreciated, please contact me at nergalfanfic@yahoo.com.  
  



	4. Goodbye Blue Skies

Nergal Fan Fiction LLC   
A division of Nergal Heavy Industries proudly presents:  
  
  
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: RENAISSANCE  
  
  
Chapter Four "GOODBYE BLUE SKIES"  
  
  
by Ryoma  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion have been used without permission. All characters contained in this work are copyright GAINAX, Project EVA, Movic, AD Vision and Manga Entertainment.   
  
  
  
Asuka awoke the next day and gazed out at the beautiful countryside. She sighed as the view reminded her of her former home in Germany. The sun was just beginning to break clear of the horizon and there was hardly a cloud in the sky. She had seen days like this before, days that began with such hope and promise. A frown grew as she also remembered how quickly dark clouds could roll in, blocking the light and spreading this darkness across the land. With the darkness soon came the storm, its fury unleashed on an unsuspecting land and sparing no one. Sure, the skies were clear now, but Asuka had seen days like this before, and something inside her could sense a growing storm.  
  
  
"I've got to get today started off on the right foot," she mentioned to her reflection in the mirror as she fixed her hair. "I've just got to."  
  
  
Shinji had been long since awake when he heard his roommate's door open.  
  
  
"Guten morgen."  
  
  
"Good morning," came the flat reply.  
  
  
If he had bothered to turn around, he would have seen the look of disappointment on the red head's face. Usually he would at least try to humor me, she thought. "So...what's for breakfast, I'm starving."  
  
  
"Well, I ran down to the kitchen and grabbed some eggs and sausages, they're almost ready."  
  
  
Asuka could already smell the cooking food as she skipped over to the table and sat down. Shinji was standing at the counter with his back to her. "Well, it sure smells good."  
  
  
Shinji left her comment hanging for quite a while. He finally broke the uneasy silence, "h...how are you feeling today?"  
  
  
She seemed relieved that he was at least curious as to her condition. "To tell the truth, I feel really good today. In fact, if it wasn't for these bandages I would swear there was nothing wrong with me!" She sounded generally enthused and hoped he would feel the same.  
  
  
"That's great for you," he returned coldly.  
  
  
Asuka was completely confused at this point. Why was Shinji so unconcerned about her health? She had figured that he at least would be happy that she was feeling better and wouldn't be a burden on him anymore. No, for some reason he was acting strange today and she resolved to get to the bottom of the problem soon. Her thoughts were abruptly distracted when Shinji unceremoniously dropped a full plate of food in front of her. Normally, his actions would have required an over the top response of some type from her, but the food smelled so good and she was very hungry. Judging that a dirty look would suffice, she immediately grabbed her fork and dove in. It took her the entire plate before Asuka realized that Shinji had not eaten. "Hey..." she mumbled before finally swallowing her food. "How come you're not eating?"  
  
  
He had sat down across from her and was gazing out the window, oblivious to her question. "What?"  
  
  
"I asked how come you are not eating?" Asuka picked the tone of her voice up just a notch. She tried to remind herself of her earlier pledge. His failure to even look at her however threw that idea out the window. "Don't tell me your pulling this 'I'm not eating' crap again, Third Child," she yelled.  
  
  
Shinji sighed and finally turned to face her. He could instantly tell by the look on her face that she was not happy. He took a moment to gather his thoughts before he started, "No, it's not like that Asuka. I, um...ate before you got up." He got up and dropped his plate into the sink. He took note that her expression seemed to ease as he walked back to the table.  
  
  
"Oh, so now you won't even eat with me?" she whimpered and pouted mockingly.  
  
  
"I couldn't wait anymore so I started without you." Shinji stood and removed her plate. Taking it over to the counter, he filled it again and placed it in front of her.   
  
  
"OK fine Shinji, have it your way." He had since returned to his seat and was again looking out the window. "BUT!" she waited until he reluctantly turned and faced her to continue, "if you're lying, I'll make you pay." She skewered the sausage on her plate and held it up for all to see. "Have I made myself perfectly clear?"  
  
  
The boy gulped audibly and squirmed a bit in his chair upon seeing the impaled member, "y...yes." He stood up and began walking toward the front door. "I'm taking off for a while."  
  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
  
"I thought I'd take a quick jump in the pool."  
  
  
"Do you want to wait for me?" Asuka began frantically trying to shovel the food down her throat.  
  
  
Shinji had already reached the front door. "No, you finish eating, I need some time alone." He shut the door behind him before she could respond.  
  
  
She sunk back in her chair and took a bite out of the sausage. "Well so much for starting the day on the right foot," she mused while looking out the window and noticing the dark clouds looming on the horizon. "Perfekt," she sighed.  
  
  
----------  
  
  
Shinji slammed the front door to the hotel as he headed out toward the main section of town. Something in his heart told him he shouldn't have lied to her, but at this point he found he was caring less and less about hurting anyone, especially himself. Thoughts swirled in his head as he walked along. He could see why she despised him so much. He was responsible for putting her in this situation. He was weak. He was a coward. He wasn't very good looking. He was everything she hated. They had nothing in common, now that Eva was gone. He concluded that if by some miracle they did find other people, she would leave him, as would everyone. After all, he was the one who had failed. The one who killed their loved ones. No one would want to stay with him. He knew he needed to prepare for the time when she would inevitably leave him. He had always thought he would have had more time to prepare, but she was starting to feel better and now it wouldn't be long until she left. He wiped a tear with his shirtsleeve. "Even if she hates me, I would still want her to stay."  
  
  
---------  
  
  
Asuka finally finished her meal. It had taken much longer than she wanted. After Shinji's departure she felt it was important to immediately chase after him. However as she ate, his actions and words began to replay in her mind. She found herself analyzing the entire morning, trying to figure out exactly what had gone wrong. Satisfied that it wasn't her for once, she carried her plate over to the sink. Glancing down she noticed that Shinji's plate had not been used. "Scheisse, this isn't good."   
  
  
--------  
  
  
Shinji continued down the street, keeping careful mental notes of useful items he observed in the stores. He kept telling himself that he didn't want to lug all those heavy items around, but his inner voice knew the truth. He didn't want her to leave, and the less supplies they had, the better those chances were. A thin smile, much like his father's appeared as he developed a plan to "miraculously" find supplies as they needed them. It seemed better to spread it out over time, she would have to stay longer and maybe, just maybe he could change her mind about leaving. Shinji noticed a large building in front of him and entered.  
  
  
---------   
  
  
Asuka ran down the final set of stairs leading into the pool area. She had clumsily thrown on a tee shirt and shorts and was dragging along a towel behind her. She stopped just short of the door and tried to catch her breath. Even if she was concerned for the boy, she sure wasn't going to show it to him. She just knew that he wouldn't understand and he would take it the wrong way. Of course that begged the question, what was the right way for her to feel about him? Too many questions, she decided, but the answers would eventually come. Satisfied that she looked sufficiently indifferent, Asuka burst through the door yelling, "Hey Shinji!" Quickly scanning the room and seeing no one, she sighed and slammed the door behind her. She dejectedly walked over to the pool's edge and sat with her feet in the water. Looking up at the ceiling she whispered, "why doesn't he want to stay with me?"  
  
  
---------  
  
  
Shinji wandered the halls of the building aimlessly; his thoughts focused on one thing, Asuka. Why did she hate him so much? He didn't want to beat her sync ratio, he never tried to be a better pilot then her, he didn't care about such things. He respected her wishes and stayed away from her after the Fifteenth Angel. The last words she said to him after that battle echoed in his mind, 'I hate you, I hate everything!' Those words were the truth; she left him soon after that, too disgusted by him to stand his presence. No, he had done nothing to erase her hatred of him, if anything the last few days he had only succeeded in making things worse. He left her to die at the hands of the Eva Series; he brought her to this world, taking her away from the bliss of Instrumentality; he killed everyone; he was the source of all her problems. No, she would never care for him, no matter how hard he tried, that he was sure of.   
  
  
Shinji was so self absorbed that he failed to notice he had wondered outside into what appeared to be a playground. As his thoughts centered on the girl, slowly his subconscious began to register the scene around him. With a snap his focus suddenly returned to the real world and more specifically the sight before him. He was sure that had he eaten that morning he would have certainly thrown up as his mind struggled to cope with the horror before him. Stretched as far as he could see, the uniforms of the student body were laying all around him. He tried to turn away, but no matter which direction he looked, there were these reminders of what Third Impact had meant to the rest of the world. Panicked, he began to turn around, searching for some way to avoid the horrible images that were entering his head. These were just kids, judging by their uniforms, most were younger than him. Just kids like him, he thought, their whole lives in front of them, until he decided to kill them all. Shinji screamed in a desperate attempt to release his emotions...  
  
  
---------  
  
  
Asuka floated effortlessly in the pool, staring up at the reflections of the broken sunlight off the water. She again found herself thinking of her fellow pilot, more specifically, why did he dislike her so much? Sure, she could understand it to a point; she had been pretty cruel to him the last few weeks. She remembered the mental damage the Fifteenth Angel did to her. Try as she might, her memory after that event was sketchy at best except for one brief exchange. Shinji must have realized the trauma she endured from the Fifteenth, it had almost killed her, a part of her still wished it did; it was that trauma that cause her to say the words she replayed in her mind, 'I hate you, I hate everything!' Asuka shook her head as if trying to erase the memory out of her mind forever. Realizing this was futile, she decided to concentrate farther back in her past. Looking for something positive to build off of. She knew that Shinji would never hold that one exchange, no matter how bad, against her. No, she pondered, there had to be more than just that to justify his abhorrence of her. Shinji had always hated her, well before the Fifteenth, that she knew as a fact. He hated her from the first time he saw her. She was arrogant; she was loud; she hated his friends; she constantly picked on him; she loved the Eva and worst of all, she was an intruder. She ruined his perfect little world with Misato and...Rei. Rei, Wondergirl, that little bitch. So he liked Rei better than her, so what, she supposed. Deep down she knew that he would always be waiting for her to return, always trying to find her, to save her, just like he did when he rushed right out during the battle with the Fifteenth. Shinji couldn't be bothered with her, when she was dying, but the minute his precious doll was in trouble, Invincible Shinji rushed right out to save her. No, she reflected, she had lost him to the damn doll, he would always choose Rei and leave her all alone. Asuka was contemplating those last few words, when suddenly she thought she could hear the boy scream in the distance. She cocked her head in an effort to listen better but after a few moments upon not hearing anything else, she determined it must have been in her head. Looking out the window, she could see the sky open up in a torrential downpour as she returned to her thoughts...  
  
  
---------  
  
  
Shinji was unaware how long he had been out. As best he could tell it must have been at least an hour or two. He was thoroughly soaked from head to toe as the rain continued to beat down on him as he lay staring up at the sky. He tried to remember how he ended up on the ground, but something inside him held the memory back. Slowly he rose to his feet, holding his head in an effort to cease the pounding. Finally he looked around and the memory was released, around him were the uniforms of the children and he remembered what had caused him black out. This time however, he was able to keep his wits about him long enough to reach the exit to the playground. He ran out the gate, not looking back, but his mind was already replaying the image over and over again. Fueled only by an instinct, he ran back towards the hotel...  
  
  
---------  
  
  
Asuka decided she had taken about as much of his crap as she was going to. If the Third Child was so intent on leaving, then she would make damn sure that she was going to leave a lasting impression in his mind. To this end she had stopped by the hotel salon after leaving the pool and gathered as many cosmetics as she could hold. She carefully laid them out on the bathroom counter in front of her, grouping them in order for ease of use. She gazed into the large mirror and sighed upon seeing herself in the reflection. Her bandages were looking quite dirty and ragged after three days; she knew that they would have to be changed. This was the part she had feared the most. Although a part of her had always desired to know from the start just how bad it was, somehow she knew she didn't have the courage to bring herself to face the inevitable. She would be deformed, her beauty stolen. Her beauty, she pondered, the only weapon she had left to fight Shinji's rejection. If it was gone, all hope of somehow convincing him to stay would also be gone. Asuka gazed down at the counter, unable to look at herself. With a deep breath she began to unwrap the bandage on her arm as a single tear rolled down her face...  
  
  
--------  
  
  
Shinji threw open the lobby door with a crash. Completely exhausted from his sprint, he collapsed in front of the main desk. Panting, he rolled over and closed his eyes. Immediately the visions returned, visions of the horror he had just witnessed. Only this time, Shinji's subconscious conveniently added voices to the images, voices which cursed the boy, blaming him for their deaths. Their hate driven tirades cutting at Shinji's core, he began screaming and placed his hands over his head in a futile attempt to stop the verbal assault. "NO, STOP...STOP!" he screamed out. "I never meant for this to happen...please, stop." Shinji was rolling his head back and forth, trying anything to avoid the verbal and visual onslaught being launched against him. After a few minutes of this struggle, he finally stopped moving. "I'm so sorry" he whimpered.   
  
  
"What are you sorry for?"  
  
  
This voice was not like the children, Shinji thought as he slowly opened his eyes. Standing over him was a beautiful young woman, her red eyes gazing directly into his. He immediately recoiled in fear, sliding back away from the ghostly image until the front desk blocked his retreat. "Leave me alone!" he screamed as he turned away from her, silently hoping she was not real.  
  
  
"What are you sorry for?" she repeated.  
  
  
Shinji continued to look away, trying to ignore the question.  
  
  
"Again I ask, what are you sorry for?"  
  
  
He sighed realizing that she would probably keep asking until he replied. Slowly he turned back to face her. "I am sorry that I killed everyone."  
  
  
"But you have killed no one."  
  
  
"Yes I have, I have killed everyone, Rei...every man, woman, and child," Shinji voice began to break.  
  
  
"Ikari, you are confused. Your emotions are not allowing you to see the truth."  
  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?" He began to look quite agitated as he clenched and unclenched his fists.  
  
  
"Ikari, the darkness inside you grows and soon it will extinguish the last bit of light, the last bit of hope which still resides in you. If that happens, then you truly will have killed them all."  
  
  
Shinji cringed at her words as if they were causing him physical pain. He placed his hands on his head and screamed, "I can't take the pain anymore...there is so much...pain!" With that he suddenly lunged at her attempting to translate his emotional pain into physical actions. Effortlessly he flew right through her apparition and landed on the floor. Turning over he looked back just in time to see her frown as she slowly faded from view. Just before she completely disappeared, he could swear he saw a small tear form and run down her face. The visions and voices gone, he labored to his feet and began walking up the stairs...  
  
  
---------  
  
  
"It's a miracle!" Asuka had repeated this phrase at least fifteen times already, but the effect was still the same. She began to smile and fidget about the room. "It is nothing sort of a miracle," she screamed for joy. All of the negative energy she had been building up was now trying to escape as the truth was finally revealed. Staring at herself in the mirror, she was beaming with delight as she carefully rubbed, poked, and prodded her face, searching for any trace of damage. Try as she might, the image staring back at her was an exact duplicate of herself from a week prior. "I can't believe it!" she yelled and spun around, still trying to release the negative vibe she had accumulated. "Shinji is going to be so happy," she blurted out. Slowly a frown began to gaze back at her from the mirror. Would Shinji really be happy? she thought, and now that she was better, would he leave? Her mind raced through the possibilities to both questions, but each prospect presented more questions. No, she decided, she would have to address his reaction when the time came. Her face returned to its previous joy as she knew she could convince him to stay because she had one of her key weapons back. She began hunting through the cosmetics to prepare for battle.   
  
  
Asuka was having difficulty reading the labels in the quickly fading light. She sighed and walked out of the bathroom and down to the fireplace. It appeared Shinji had prepared the fire with wood and paper, all she needed to do was light it. She smiled as she reflected at what a good person he really was. She knew that she wouldn't have been thoughtful enough to get the fire ready for him. Asuka began to blush as she thought of potential ways to reward him for his hard work. Her blush began to change to a look of frustration as she searched high and low around the fireplace for the lighter. "Who builds a fire, then hides the damn lighter?" Asuka trumpeted, searching vainly around the living room for said device. "Lighter, lighter, lighter..." she almost chanted while looking under pillows and chairs. "He probably left it in his room," she supposed.  
  
  
Entering his room, she was quite taken back by the disarray it seemed to be in. For as long as she knew him, Shinji had always kept his room spotless, and this room looked worse than hers did. Spotting the canvas duffel bag on the bed, she remembered that they had put a couple of lighters in there earlier. Reaching around inside, her hand felt something cold, heavy and cold. Slowly pulling it out, she gasped as she saw the gun. Holding it out in front of her, she turned it around, noting the make and model. She recoiled as she noticed the safety was off and she carefully turned it back on. Her face tightened in disgust as she noted the carelessness that her companion had exercised in handling the weapon. She was quite familiar with guns, her father had a very extensive collection, and if there was one thing she knew, they were not toys. Asuka decided to eliminate the possibility of Shinji doing something stupid. As she began to remove the bullets from the magazine, a part of her was actually proud that he had at least shown some grit in taking it in the first place. A larger part of her, however, was upset that he had put himself at risk by not knowing the proper procedures for handling a gun, and most of all for not telling her. She finished removing the bullets and placed them in her pocket. Reaching back into the bag, she found her original target, a lighter and placed it in her other pocket. Her goal achieved, she decided to see if Shinji would eventually tell her about the gun so she carefully placed it back in the bag and left his room...  
  
  
--------  
  
  
Shinji arrived a short time later. Asuka had a good fire going and its light was compensating for the overcast night.  
  
  
"Shinji, is that you?" she called out from the bathroom. Her only reply was the slamming of his bedroom door. Asuka sighed and put down her make up. "What's his problem?" she asked her reflection. His entrance had almost made her forget about her good news, almost. "SHINJI!" she yelled while pounding on his door, "Shinji, open up I've got great news!" Listening for a reply, she was stunned by his silence. "Come on, open the door, I've got something to show you," she cooed seductively.  
  
  
Shinji laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling. His thoughts were being interrupted constantly by a certain pounding and yelling at his door. "Go away," was his terse reply as he tossed and turned in the bed.   
  
  
"What, what did you say?" came her agitated response. She continued her physical assault on the door.  
  
  
Shinji was beginning to really hate that girl's persistence. The pounding on the door was aggravating the pounding in his skull. He pulled a pillow over his head in a futile attempt to block out at least one the offending parties.  
  
  
"Shinji, open this god damn door this instant!" Asuka's tone had switched along with her attitude. She no longer remembered what she wanted to tell him, only that she was tired of him ignoring her.  
  
  
Shinji sat up straight in the bed and threw his pillow against the door. "What is it going to take for you to shut the hell up and go away!"  
  
  
"Open the door and I'll leave you alone," came her reply.  
  
  
If a human being actually possessed an internal rope, then Shinji had reached the end of it. He jumped out of the bed and stood facing the door, both his hands formed into fists. "Asuka, you better stop this shit and go away." He hammered his side of the door in response to her continued pounding.  
  
  
Asuka really didn't know why she kept pushing. She actually wasn't trying to start anything with Shinji. In fact although she was still keeping her livid facade, she was being torn up inside. Even if the feelings were foreign to her, for the first time in her life, she just wanted to help. After all, if anyone should know the about the stages leading to a mental breakdown, it was her. And Shinji had begun to show the signs and it was scaring her. He was making the slow spiral into oblivion that had almost killed her. She beat the door with renewed vigor, "Shinji, open this door, I'm trying to help you, dammit!"  
  
  
Shinji stopped hammering back. He slowly slumped back onto his bed. She doesn't want to help you, he thought to himself, no one wants to help you. She only wants to tease you because you are so weak, his inner voice reasoned, she will always hate you because you are such a coward. "I am not a coward," Shinji whispered to himself, "I'm just sick of everything, I should just die."  
  
  
Asuka had stopped pummeling the door when Shinji had stopped at his end. She was intently listening as she could just barely hear him murmur something. "Oh great," she wondered aloud, "now he's taking to himself, I need to reach him soon before..." An image of the gun flashed through her mind. Her heart raced as she jammed her hand in her pocket to convince herself that she had in fact disabled the firearm. She breathed out a sigh of relief that he was safe from himself for the time being. However, the fact that he was on the wrong side of the door still presented her with a problem. Although the gun was no longer a threat, it would only be a matter of time before he thought to use the window or a belt. She drew in a deep breath before calmly speaking to him. "I'm sorry Shinji, but I found your little toy and removed the bullets. If you want to blow your stupid head off then you'll have to come out and get them." She could hear Shinji jump off the bed and suddenly realized she had no idea what to say to him if in fact he did open the door.  
  
  
Shinji stumbled across the floor and sat down as he rummaged through the bag. He pulled out the gun and quickly inspected it. By the weight alone he knew she was right, she had the bullets. Why did she do it, he thought, she doesn't care what happens to me. He remembered how she was always interfering with his life; in fact he had trouble recalling his days before he met her. Ah, but she always tried to keep him down, his inner voice started, she was jealous of his sync ratio, jealous of his friends, jealous of everything he did. The minute he began to show some courage, she sabotaged his efforts. No, he decided, this time she had gone too far, she would have to pay for her crimes against him. Shinji stood and walked to the door. Calmly he unlatched the lock and slid it open. He was quite surprised to find Asuka had moved into the living room and was sitting in the chair, her back to him.  
  
  
Shinji started, "Asuka, you had NO right to touch my things."  
  
  
"Wrong," came her succinct reply.  
  
  
"You had no right..."  
  
  
She cut him off, "I have every right to remove a fire arm from a child."  
  
  
"I'm not a child," he snapped.  
  
  
"Yes you are, you didn't even have the common sense to keep the safety on, dumbkopf."  
  
  
Shinji froze; did he really have the safety off, he pondered, perhaps he really didn't know what he was doing. Irrelevant, his inner voice retorted, she wasn't protecting you, she's trying to embarrass you, don't let her fool you. "Well that's not the issue," he told the girl.  
  
  
"What is it than Shinji, what is the issue?"  
  
  
Again he froze; she was asking a question that he thought knew the answer to, but yet he could say nothing. What was the issue between them?  
  
  
Noticing he was faltering, she decided to press her advantage, "Shinji," she started slowly. "We can't go on like this. Your falling apart and I don't know how to help you." She pleaded to him, "please tell me what's wrong so I can try to help."   
  
  
The sincerity in her voice nearly melted him. He really wanted to tell her everything, to ask all those questions he had asked himself a thousand times. Yet, he could not, his inner voice had won once again and he found himself watching from the background. "I don't need your help, I'll never need anything from you!" Shinji heard the words, but didn't understand who said them. It couldn't be him, he reflected, he didn't possess that much hate, did he? What was he saying, what was happening? The events around him seemed to be flowing at an incredible pace. He was saying things without even thinking about them. Horrible things meant for only one purpose, to injure the girl. He continued his verbal assault for some time before finally relenting to survey the damage.  
  
  
Asuka listened as her companion berated her. She closed her eyes and listened intently as she heard things come from the boy that she never imaged he would say. He screamed spiteful things, laced with profanity that she blushed upon hearing, he was not holding anything back. The problem was he still hadn't addressed what his problem was, he was only complaining. After he finished she thought carefully before replying, "and to think, I kissed you with that dirty mouth."  
  
  
Shinji was livid, wondering how she could be so coy. She was putting him down again and he knew it. He moved over and grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to face him, "You listen to me, you bitch, you don't..." his voice trailed off.  
  
  
"What are you looking at?" she screamed.  
  
  
"Y...Your face, there's nothing wrong with you." He roughly grabbed her face and twisted it from side to side, examining every feature.  
  
  
Asuka finally remembered what she was going to tell him; "Yeah, well, I guess I'm a fast healer" she smiled. Perhaps her main weapon had found his mark. She began to blush a little as he stared at her face, then carefully inspected her arm. "Yup, as good as new," she added.  
  
  
Shinji stood and slowly walked toward the front door.  
  
  
"Hey, where are you going?" she called out, "what's the matter?"  
  
  
"You lied to me, you used me." His tone was much different than the previous argument.  
  
  
Asuka sensed the change in his voice, "I didn't know, I...I just found out" she whispered trying to calm him.  
  
  
"Liar!" he bellowed and opened the door.  
  
  
"Shinji, no, let me explain." She began moving toward the door but one piercing look from him convinced her to stop.   
  
  
"Goodbye, Asuka, I never want to see you again." With that he slammed the door behind him.  
  
  
To be continued...  
  
  
  
Authors Notes:  
  
  
Sorry for the darkness in this chapter but it's needed to get where I'm going. This story is NOT a darkfic, although you wouldn't know it from this chapter... I realize that traditional fic canon has Asuka scarred from her Eva Series battle. I chose to work off the premise that although she knew she was injured, she had enough ego to see herself as she was before, in other words her mental image of herself would be the uninjured Asuka, the bandages were only put their by her knowledge that she had some injures from the battle. If this still doesn't make sense, email me and I'll try to make more sense...I am not some anti-hand gun activist, I am only using the handgun as a plot device, not a political statement... Again biggest thanks go to my prereaders, 20eva and Random1377 because believe me, I couldn't do it without them, thanks guys (but I'm still not telling you how this fics going to end, sorry boys.) Special thanks goes out to my buddy Rico for giving me all the German translations I need. I wished I could have used more but there is always the next fic...  
One last thing, I will not leave the readers hanging with this darkness for too long, I promise to have Chap 5 up quickly so you don't have to suffer with the somber ending of this chapter for long.  
As always, C & C is appreciated, please contact me at nergalfanfic@yahoo.com.  



	5. Tear Down the Wall

Nergal Fan Fiction LLC   
A division of Nergal Heavy Industries proudly presents:  
  
  
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: RENAISSANCE  
  
  
Chapter Five "TEAR DOWN THE WALL"  
  
  
by Ryoma  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion have been used without permission. All characters contained in this work are copyright GAINAX, Project EVA, Movic, AD Vision and Manga Entertainment.   
  
  
  
"Goodbye, Asuka, I never want to see you again," the slamming door providing emphasis to his point.  
  
  
Shinji exploded out of the hotel entrance, pausing for just a moment, his vision robbed by the driving rain. The luxury of sight, removed by the darkness as it engulfed any light from the moon and stars, mattered not to Shinji. One force resonated within his mind, run away. His actions guided by this force, he soon found himself a fair distance from his origin. Stopping to catch his breath, he turned back and stared at the single beacon of light in the otherwise dark facade. As the light from the fire behind her flickered, he could make out the outline of the girl standing in the window. With a sigh he turned and continued on his way.  
  
  
---------  
  
  
Asuka stood motionless, still in a state of shock. The events of the past hour swirled in her head as she deliberated on a course of action. Chasing after him was an option, but in his current state of mind, he wouldn't listen. Instead she grabbed a book and threw it at the door.  
  
  
"FINE, I don't need you!" she screamed, while tipping over the large chair in the room. She didn't need him, she thought to herself, she didn't need anybody. Her eyes started to water as she slowly realized the folly in that supposition. She really did need him. Deciding it was too late to run after him, the only option remaining was to wait and hope that he was able to sort things out on his own. Groaning, she realized that hope was in short supply nowadays. She walked over to the balcony window and scanned the ground below. The rain was still coming down as she could just barely make out a shape standing in the darkness. Her heart raced as she thought the figure seemed to stare at her for a moment, but soon it turned and disappeared into the void.  
  
  
"No, Asuka," she resigned to herself, "he won't be coming back."   
  
  
---------  
  
  
Shinji stumbled onto the bridge, surprised that he had reached his destination so soon. Taking a moment gather himself, he took more uneasy steps out, the wind buffeting his advance. Ducking down to counter pounding gale, he chuckled to himself as he held tightly onto the hand railing. After all, he had come here to jump off, yet here he was holding on to the railing for dear life. Perhaps he wanted to do the job himself, he thought, as he fought on.  
  
  
Finally reaching the heart of the span, Shinji wiped his face with his free hand as he climbed over the railing, uncertain if the moisture was rain or his own tears. Looking down he tried to make out the river below, but he could perceive nothing in the deepening darkness. His heart raced as he began to build up the courage for this one last desperate act. The sheer emptiness of the blackness below frightened him to the point he closed his eyes to block it out. Gradually he started to sway, each time leaning a bit farther out over the edge. Soon he would have the courage to release his grip. Soon the pain would finally be gone.   
  
  
'Ikari, the darkness inside you grows and soon it will extinguish the last bit of light, the last bit of hope which still resides in you. If that happens, then you truly will have killed them all.'  
  
  
What was it about those words that seemed to cut to his very core? If the darkness wins, you will kill them all. Kill them all. Kill. The darkness. The darkness will kill them all. Darkness, the absence of light. Light. Hope. The absence of hope will kill them all.  
  
  
Slowly he opened his eyes and gazed down. Darkness...the void. Sickness. He felt sick at the thought of allowing himself to be drawn into that abyss.  
  
  
The voice in Shinji Ikari that drove him to this point, at this time, fought to regain control. The end of the pain was so close, so near. Just take one last step for me.  
  
  
Yet, another voice stirred within him. A voice that was as unfamiliar to him as the other was well known. Something in this new participant gave him pause. The words it spoke were uplifting, their message shining through Shinji's cluttered mind as he sat back down, away from the edge.  
  
  
"Thank you."  
  
  
"Huh?" Shinji turned and looked around for the source of the voice.  
  
  
"Thank you,"   
  
  
"F...for what?" he replied, still scanning the area.  
  
  
"For not surrendering to the darkness."  
  
  
Shinji finally recognized the voice. "I may still jump, I...I just don't know yet, Rei." He stood to emphasize his point.  
  
  
"The fact that you were able to stare into the darkness and stop proves that your light is still burning."  
  
  
"My light?"  
  
  
"Yes, Ikari, the light within your heart." Rei slowly materialized in front of him, floating a few feet out from the edge. "Filled with your truth. Still it burns. Filled with your hope and love defeating the darkness that surrounds it."  
  
  
"What's there to live for?" he replied sardonically as he steadied himself against a burst of wind.  
  
  
"Living for yourself is not enough?"  
  
  
He simply shook his head as lightning flashed behind Rei, yet she did not flinch as Shinji observed the rain fall directly through her, unimpeded on its journey to the ground. "I don't want to be alone. I can't live if I'm alone."  
  
  
"You are not alone."  
  
  
"I AM alone," he cried as he then bowed his head, his voice dropping to a whisper, "Now that she's better she doesn't need me...she's going to leave me."   
  
  
"Assumptions, you simply assumed without asking."  
  
  
"Why would she stay, she hates me, she told me herself."  
  
  
"Words spoken in haste or anger cannot be taken as fact."  
  
  
Shinji suddenly found himself back at the hotel suite, looking at himself and Asuka arguing as they did shortly before. Shinji cringed as he listened to himself berate the poor girl. "Is this really me?"   
  
  
He turned to Rei, who was standing beside him, "Yes."   
  
  
Shinji continued to listen before addressing her again, "Why did I do this?"   
  
  
"Emotions are a powerful force," she said with a smile, "unfortunately when they are released unchecked they may cause pain."  
  
  
Shinji nodded in agreement, "I think I understand."   
  
  
Rei simply returned his nod.   
  
  
"But still...after all the terrible things I've done to her."   
  
  
Rei stared blankly back at him, her eyes unmoving.  
  
  
He cleared his throat. "Well, I...I let her die," his voice trailing.  
  
  
Looking up he yearned for some response, but the pale skinned girl would only return gaze.  
  
  
"I was too afraid to try and save her."  
  
  
"Still you choose to view the past with lying eyes. Search your heart, search your soul for the truth."  
  
  
Shinji closed his eyes and concentrated as an image began to appear. He found himself inside the Eva hanger, standing on the upper walkway, watching the elevator indicator descending as he heard its approach. Over the intercom he could hear Maya's voice describing the action above on the Geofront. The elevator doors opened revealing Shinji Ikari, the Shinji of 4 days prior. Shinji stumbled out of the elevator, still clutching the cross Misato had given him just before as he stepped over to the railing and observed Unit 01 completely encased in bakelite. With a sigh, he slumped down and sat against the wall as Asuka's voice could be clearly heard over the loudspeaker, calling for him. Sobbing, the boy in the image dropped his head down below his knees and curled into a tight ball, trying to block out the repeated pleas for help.  
  
  
"If this is the truth, then I there was no way I could get into Unit 01," Shinji screamed over the wind as the rain continued to pelt him.  
  
  
"The images are of the truth."  
  
  
"Then why is my memory different, why would I change the facts if it really wasn't my fault?"  
  
  
"Did the truth hurt?"  
  
  
Shinji paused for a moment. Remembering the image of himself curled into a ball listening to the battle above, he nodded his head in agreement.  
  
  
"You do not like pain. In yourself or others."  
  
  
"No."  
  
  
"Why would you accept the pain of guilt then?"  
  
  
"I...I guess if I can take away others pain, then...maybe I won't hurt so much."  
  
  
"Is that working?"  
  
  
"Huh?"  
  
  
"Have you helped others by taking away their pain?"  
  
  
Shinji thinks for a moment. "No," he resigns, "when Asuka was hurt after the fight with the Fifteenth Angel, I decided it was my fault for not helping her. The reality is my father wouldn't let me go. Still, I chose to accept responsibility because of my guilt, but it didn't help her pain, it probably made it worse."  
  
  
Rei nodded knowingly. "Correct."  
  
  
"I understand now Rei, I'm not proud but I think I understand."  
  
  
"Ikari, what has happened in the past can never be undone, but as long as you learn from your mistakes, you will avoid them in the future."  
  
  
Shinji nodded his head in agreement. "I recognize that now, and I will try harder in the future to do better." As he finished, his face dropped and he turned away from Rei.  
  
  
"Ikari?"  
  
  
"Thanks for your help, Rei. You've helped me realize my mistakes and I will strive to do better." His voice was beginning to break by the time he finished.  
  
  
"Then why...?"  
  
  
Shinji faced her again, looking quite upset. "Well you saw how I treated Asuka." He turned again and began walking away from Rei, towards the far end of the bridge. "No, I've learned these lessons too late to make a difference."  
  
  
"So you still reject the truth?"  
  
  
Shinji stopped and spun around on his heal. "No, I accept the truth, some of my actions were stupid, most of them in fact." He took a deep breath before continuing, "But the truth right now is that Asuka hates me. Nothing is going to change that fact." Rei's lowered her head as the boy scolded her, but he still persisted. "No one else is coming back. I am going to be alone. And I'm not really looking forward to it." Shinji turned and again began walking away.  
  
  
"Assumptions." Shinji continued walking without acknowledging her. "Do you think you understand her?"  
  
  
"Yes!" he replied while still walking.  
  
  
"Assumptions."  
  
  
Shinji suddenly found himself in Misato's apartment. Turning around he sees Asuka approaching.  
  
  
"You don't understand anything! Stay away from me!" Asuka screamed into his face.  
  
  
"I do understand," Shinji replied, his hand twitching.  
  
  
"No you don't, you IDIOT!" Asuka kicked him before she continued, "You really think you understand me!? You think that you can help me? That is so ARROGANT! You couldn't possibly understand me!!"  
  
  
Shinji shouted back at her, "How can I understand... If you don't say anything? You don't say anything... You don't talk to me...How can I understand you? It's IMPOSSIBLE!!"  
  
  
Shinji is again standing back on the bridge. "Ikari, did you try to understand?"  
  
  
Shinji replied indignantly, "I tried...she won't open up to me."  
  
  
"Did you really try?" Rei continued her gaze into his eyes.   
  
  
Shinji reviewed everything he could remember of his encounters with Asuka. Had he really tried to reach her, he thought, or had he simply given up at the slightest hint of resistance? Based on his recent grasp of the truth and his previously distorted view of it, he slowly reached his conclusion. "No...I guess I didn't really try." The meaning of those words seemed to cause him great pain as was evidenced in his face. "I don't think I know how."  
  
  
"Assumptions."  
  
  
He looked over at Rei with a look of complete bewilderment. "What?"   
  
  
"You have always known how to understand her and the others. You have just chosen to ignore that fact and just assumed they were unreachable."  
  
  
Shinji again paused to contemplate the point she was trying to make. He finally stammered out an answer, "Talk to her...?  
  
  
"Have you?"  
  
  
He seemed to be expecting this reply from Rei, as he jumped all over the answer, "Every time I try to talk to her, she just shuts me out, she ignores me, she makes fun of me, she hates me for even trying."  
  
  
"You refuse to lower the barriers around your own heart. Why should she open her heart to you when yours is completely obscured from view?"  
  
  
"What?...You mean..." He started while walking back to Rei.  
  
  
"Yes," she replied cutting him short.  
  
  
Shinji waited until he was face to face with Rei before continuing, "I didn't open up, but every time I do it causes me pain, Rei. Whenever I open my heart, someone causes me pain, and I can't take it...not anymore."  
  
  
"How would you recognize happiness if you never experience pain?"   
  
  
"Where is the happiness?" came his agitated response. "That's an ideal belief, I have experienced plenty of pain but I have yet to experience the happiness you promise." As much as he wanted to grab the girl, he remembered the incident in the hotel lobby and just imitated the motion.  
  
  
Rei continued in a calm voice, "You fight to avoid the pain, thus you also fight to avoid the happiness. Once you accept one, only then will you accept the other."  
  
  
Shinji carefully reviewed her words as he turned and placed his elbows against the railing and stared out at the night sky. For the first time he realized that the rain had stopped and the sky was rapidly clearing. He could actually make out the river below in the increasing moonlight.  
  
  
"I understand now, I think." He stared for another moment at the river below, before turning to face her. "Thank you."   
  
  
"Although you made the choice to live with the pain of AT fields, it became obvious to us that you were still not ready for the consequences of that choice."   
  
  
"Yes, I suppose your right..."  
  
  
"And now?"  
  
  
"I know it won't be easy, but I'll keep trying. I will find a way to be happy and go on living, even if she doesn't want me."  
  
  
"So you have enough now?" Shinji nods. "That's good for you." He stared at her as he attempted to remember why that choice of words seemed so...familiar.   
  
  
"I didn't ask for this," he commented after again looking out at the river below.  
  
  
"Ask for what?" came the curious reply.   
  
  
"Well, all of this. Third Impact, the power to choose the human race's fate, this world."  
  
  
"Third Impact was inevitable. As for the power to choose mankind's fate, you were the best choice."   
  
  
Shinji turned to face her again. "I never asked to be mankind's judge, jury, and...executioner." He faced cringed as he spoke the final word, visions of school uniforms and deserted buildings running through his head.   
  
  
Rei smiled, "And savior." Shinji could not help but feel lifted upon seeing one of her rare smiles and he returned it. "Ikari, you must believe that you have made the correct choice. Keep faith and hope in yourself, they have always been inside of you, let them grow."  
  
  
"I'll try, I will, but tell me, will they return?"   
  
  
"Even I do not know. There is still much sadness and emptiness. They are still without hope, each soul trying to find the will to live, trying to find the truth within their hearts."  
  
  
"I see," he replied with a slight nod. Shinji turned toward the hotel and began running away, "Goodbye!" he yelled back to her.  
  
  
Rei watched him as he ran toward the end of the bridge, "Keep the light of hope and love burning, young Ikari...they are watching you."  
  
  
Stopping just before stepping off the bridge, Shinji turned around but found that the girl had disappeared. "Thank you, Rei " he whispered as he started running again.  
  
  
---------  
  
  
Asuka finally found sleep as she sprawled out on the couch in front of the fire. The suite was in a state of disarray. She had directed her anger and frustration upon its contents. The couch was the only object remaining intact in the entire room as pillows, books, and chairs lay tossed about. The physical exertion paled in comparison to the emotional turmoil she was experiencing. She tossed and turned as she dreamed about the confrontation with Shinji. She really only wanted to help him, she thought, but he refused her again and again. Ok, so maybe she had handled it the wrong way, she supposed, but still, he must have realized that at least she was trying. It wasn't like she was some expert on the stuff, she was new to the whole caring thing.  
  
  
"It certainly is frustrating, is it not?"   
  
  
Asuka jumped up with a start. "W...who said that?" She peered around the room and could see no one. "S...Shinji is that you?" she whispered, hoping that he would answer.  
  
  
"No, unfortunately he is presently indisposed. You have not answered my question yet."  
  
  
"Who the hell are you?" Asuka used anger to disguise her fear. She balled her hands up into tight fists, preparing to defend herself.  
  
  
"Ah, that's right, we haven't been introduced. My name is Nagisa, Kaworu Nagisa, Miss Sohryu and I am very pleased to finally meet you."  
  
  
Kaworu, Kaworu, where had she heard that name before, she tried to remember but nothing came to her. "Well, Nagisa, how did you get in here," she continued looking around the room, "and better yet, where in the hell are you?"   
  
  
"Please, call me Kaworu, and I'm right here."  
  
  
She turned toward the sound of his voice behind her and jumped back at seeing a boy, about her height, with light skin and piercing red eyes. If not for the voice, she might have assumed it was Rei in the dim light. "How did you get in here, and how do you know me?"   
  
  
"How I got here is unimportant, I have been watching you for some time now." Kaworu paused and walked toward the balcony. "Let me clarify my earlier question...is it frustrating when sincere help is rejected?"  
  
  
"Well of course it is," Asuka motioned to the upturned furniture in the room, still unsure why she was talking to the stranger.   
  
  
"So now you know how he felt."  
  
  
"Huh?"   
  
  
Asuka suddenly felt light headed as all around her the room instantly exploded with a bright light. Squinting she attempted to still watch the boy, but soon even that was impossible. As quickly as it started, the light dimmed and Asuka slowly opened her eyes, waiting as they adjusted to the new light source. Glancing around Asuka gasped as she recognized that she stood in the streets of Tokyo-3, the old Tokyo-3 before Third Impact. In front of her she could see the massive shape of Unit 02 slowly descend into the Geofront below. As the robot slipped below the surface, she turned and saw two figures at the tunnel entrance. The one standing she immediately recognized as Shinji Ikari, and although the one sitting had her back to Asuka, she cringed as the truth about this moment struck. She was seeing the events that happened after her battle with the Fifteenth Angel.   
  
  
"Hey, I'm glad your OK, Asuka." Shinji called out, trapped behind the quarantine barrier.  
  
  
The girl in the red plugsuit sat with her head between her knees. "Who in the hell is OK, anyway. It couldn't get any worse. That little bitch rescued me, that little bitch rescued ME. Don't you know that I'd rather have died. I hate her...I hate you Shinji, I hate EVERYTHING!."  
  
  
In an instant the boy's face dropped. When Asuka first noticed him standing there, he seemed so happy, as if he truly was concerned about her well being. But after hearing her words, the boy stood for another moment, his face locked into an expression of pure pain as if someone were tearing his heart from him, before turning and walking away, his head hung low. Asuka cringed as she watched him dejectedly walk away.   
  
  
"Never had a chance...did he?"  
  
  
Asuka turned to see Kaworu standing next to her. She simply lowered her hand and turned her gaze on the girl sitting in front of her, apparently sobbing. She observed her for a few moments before responding, "Well, things were tough at that moment. That Angel really messed me up...I was hurt."  
  
  
"What better time to ask for or accept help?"  
  
  
She turned to Kaworu with a look of fire in her eyes, she closed the gap between them shouting, "I don't need anyone's help! I didn't need Shinji's help, I sure as hell didn't need Wondergirl's help, and do you know what...I don't need yours." She crossed her arms on her chest and turned away.  
  
  
Kaworu sighed heavily, "Yes, you didn't need help, did you Miss Sohryu?" He paused for a moment and continued, "and look where it got you."   
  
  
Before Asuka could respond, she found herself staring at a young girl half submerged in a filthy bathtub in a rundown apartment. She immediately knew who the girl was, and although disgusted by the scene, she could not take her eyes off herself. Out of the corner of her vision she could see two members of Section 2 enter the room and call back that she had been found. In an instant a repressed memory resurfaced and she screamed, "Don't show me this, I don't want to remember!"  
  
  
Kaworu shook his head, "you need to know...I am truly sorry."  
  
  
Asuka gasped in horror as the two Section 2 men roughly pulled her out of the tub, taking little care as to where they placed their hands on her body. Asuka began to sob as she listened to the men describe various sexual acts they could perform on the lifeless body below them.   
  
  
"Stop this...Kaworu, please" she meekly requested. Her response came in the form of his shaking head as she turned back to the scene being played out in front of them. The Section 2 men scanned every inch of her, her dignity stripped away much like her pride had been earlier. Asuka could only watch as the men finally decided to carry her out, again placing their hands all over her and not bothering to cover her, to the car below.  
  
  
"Enough...I think you realize how dangerous your attitude can be." He looked over expecting a response but felt otherwise after seeing the pain and horror in her eyes. He groaned as he came to the realization that his mission was much harder then he thought initially, and it was still not completed. After giving her a moment to compose herself, he decided to press on, "So...do you understand the folly of your current attitude?"  
  
  
Asuka took a deep breath as she fought to collect her thoughts. "I guess."  
  
  
Kaworu shook his head, she was not going to make it easy on either of them. "Shall we try again? This time we can start during the battle with Arael!"  
  
  
She winced at that thought. "I get it already, I really do. I need to get better at opening up and accepting help. Jeez, you don't need to cram it down my throat."  
  
  
Kaworu eyed her suspiciously as he judged if her reply was sarcastic or simply poorly stated. He decided the latter and remarked, "My, my aren't you a little fireball. No wonder Shinji is so enamored with you."  
  
  
She began to blush, "WHAT?"  
  
  
Kaworu raised a hand to silence her and continued, "Back on the original topic." His tone turned very solemn, "make no jokes about the seriousness of your actions, if you do not learn to open your heart and accept the caring and help of others..."   
  
  
Without warning, Asuka found herself inside Misato's apartment, standing in the kitchen looking at Shinji and a duplicate Asuka.  
  
  
"I want to help you, and be with you forever," Shinji called to Asuka.  
  
  
"Then don't do anything. Don't come near me anymore...because all you ever do is hurt me," she bellowed.  
  
  
"Asuka, help me! You're the only one who can!" he pleads to her.  
  
  
Kaworu speaks, "you wish to help him, yet you push him away, why?"  
  
  
Asuka turns to face him as the action continues in front of them. "Because I don't need his help."  
  
  
Kaworu frowns, "must we start over... " the look on her face provided his answer, "now tell me the true reason."  
  
  
"I...I don't want to get hurt." She took a deep breath before continuing, "whenever someone gets close to me, I get hurt."  
  
  
"You cannot experience happiness without pain."  
  
  
"That's not true!" she replied.  
  
  
Kaworu nodded his head as he questioned, "what gave you the greatest pleasure in life?"  
  
  
Asuka's face became aglow as she replied, "That's easy, piloting Eva!"  
  
  
"Ok," he paused as if hoping she might realize the direction this conversation was going, "what has caused you the greatest pain?"  
  
  
She did not answer as quickly this time. She tried as hard as she could to find something, anything, other then the answer that immediately entered her mind. Reluctantly she responded, "piloting Eva."  
  
  
In contrast to the pain Asuka was feeling, Kaworu was positively ecstatic, "Excellent, do you see the relationship now?"   
  
  
"Yes," she resigned.   
  
  
"Good, Miss Sohryu, we are almost done. Why do you push him away?"  
  
  
Yet again Asuka paused as she tried to sort through the ideas swirling in her head. In the beginning of her time with Kaworu, she had not wanted to face the truth and fought to repress her answers to his questions. Now her problem was that she really did want to find the correct answer, not as much for him, but for herself. " I...I'm afraid of him."  
  
  
"How can you be afraid of him?" As if on cue, the Asuka in the kitchen pushed Shinji to the ground, spilling the coffee on the floor.  
  
  
"I...I don't know."  
  
  
"Yes you do Asuka," Kaworu called as he began to get quite animated.  
  
  
The truth was in her heart, and they both knew it. She sighed as it finally reached the surface. "B...because he is just like me."  
  
  
"Very good, Asuka."  
  
  
"I was yelling at him, but all I could see was me. I was staying all these things to myself." The image of Shinji on the floor changes to Asuka, "that is the way it should have been. Instead I chose to take out my frustrations on Shinji because he was a convenient excuse." Asuka began to look despondent.  
  
  
"What?"  
  
  
"Can't you see, this means it is all my fault. If I had acted differently, he...he might have made a different choice. It's all my fault." Asuka collapsed to the floor while her image chokes itself in the background as she sobbed uncontrollably.  
  
  
Kaworu shook his head and offered his hand to her. "No, it's not your fault. Shinji still acted on his own accord. You are correct, however, if you had helped him when he called, circumstances might have changed."  
  
  
Asuka continued sobbing and pushed his hand away without making eye contact. "I'm scum."   
  
  
He formed a slight smile at her choice of words before continuing, "No you are not." He waited for her to compose herself. "You are a confused young woman who was thrust into an impossible situation and handled it, right or wrong, the only way she knew how. No one can ever hold that against you, so you should not hold it against yourself." She listened to his words and began to calm down, her sobs ceasing. "History lesson over, Miss Sohryu, the rest of your life will be the test."  
  
  
She could feel herself shaking and a voice began to resonate in her head, getting louder each moment.   
  
  
"Asuka...Asuka...ASUKA!"  
  
  
She slowly opened her eyes and observed a pair of very concerned deep blue eyes staring back at her. "S...Shinji, is that you?" He simply smiled and nodded while releasing her shoulders from his grip. "Oh," she cried pulling him down into her arms and into a tight embrace. "I thought you weren't coming back."  
  
  
They both lay like this for a few moments, both enjoying each other's presence after the night they had just experienced. Asuka finally decided to speak, "I'm sorry, I should have never..."  
  
  
Shinji picked his head up and cut her short. "No!" Asuka looked up at him in bewilderment. "No, don't ever apologize for doing the right thing." He sighed as he continued, "I was wrong, I should apologize to you for putting you in that situation."  
  
  
As they both reflected on other's actions and words, it suddenly dawned on each of them that Shinji was still lying on top of Asuka. Their mutual blush rivaled the burning embers of the fire. He jumped off of her and rolled onto the floor. "S...sorry about that," he stammered.  
  
  
"Yah, well..." was the best she could muster.   
  
  
Although neither of them admitted it, their faces revealed the truth as they suddenly felt empty at the loss of physical contact. Shinji moved over and sat with his back to the couch, staring at the far wall while Asuka remained prone on the couch, staring up at the ceiling.  
  
  
Shinji cleared his throat. "Asuka?"  
  
  
Asuka tensed a bit at the seriousness in his tone. "Shinji," she returned, expecting the worst.  
  
  
He paused as he tried to summon the courage to speak. "I am sorry that I didn't help you fight the Eva Series."  
  
  
The mere mention of the Eva Series cause Asuka to cringe, she did not want remember anything about that battle. "Shinji, I don't want to talk about that now! ...It hurts." She paused as emotions bubbled up within her; "You wouldn't come to help me..." Asuka sobbed as she found she could not contain her emotions anymore.  
  
  
Shinji felt her pain, and bowed his head in disgust that he had forced her to this point. He wanted the pain to stop, and he prepared his standard, 'I'm sorry', but something within himself struggled to be heard. An inner voice called to him, and for the first time in Shinji Ikari's life, he listened to his heart.  
  
"I couldn't get into Unit 01, the hanger was flooded with bakelite. I couldn't reach the entry plug." He took a deep breath as his inner voice spurred him on, "I wanted to help you so bad. I just couldn't." Asuka stopped sobbing and she could hear the pain in his voice, "Maya was screaming over the loudspeakers, and I could hear everything you said. I never felt so helpless. You were up there fighting, and I could do nothing but listen."  
  
  
Asuka listened intently to his words. Inside she felt a great sense of relief upon hearing the truth behind Shinji's abandonment of her. "It must have been awful to have to listen, and not be able to do anything."   
  
  
Shinji hesitated; this was not the response he had expected. "Asuka, I wished as hard as I could to be there, fighting beside you again." He took another deep breath, his inner voice quiet as it was no longer needed, "When Maya said you...were...were killed, I wanted to die myself. I let you down."   
  
  
Hearing him sob, she unconsciously reached out and caressed his hair. "Don't cry, idiot." It was all she could do not to cry herself as she moved her hand down and began rubbing his neck. "Besides, you would have just been in the way, probably tripped me or something."   
  
  
Shinji chuckled, "Thanks, Asuka."  
  
  
"Thank you Shinji, for telling me the truth...but why did you wait so long?"  
  
  
He scratched his head. "I wish I knew."  
  
  
The both sat in silence and admired their work. Shinji was quite surprised that he was actually able to open up to her, and she responded. Asuka was in a state of near shock as she felt she had actually helped him, if even just a little. Small steps, they both thought, enough small steps and they may get somewhere.  
  
  
"Asuka," Shinji called, breaking the silence. "Can I ask you a question?"  
  
  
Her mind raced at all the possible queries he could have. "Sure," she replied not really paying attention.  
  
  
"Now that you're better, when...are you going to leave?"  
  
  
Asuka stopped rubbing his neck and sat up. Shinji cringed as he feared her answer. She's going to leave, he thought to himself, I just know it, she's already made up her mind. He hung his head down and awaited the devastating news. She stood up from the couch and walked over to the fire, placing a fresh log on the flames. She turned to him, "if you want me to go, then I'll leave tomorrow."  
  
  
Shinji sighed, she would leave tomorrow, he lamented. He at least now knew she didn't want to stay, and he could move forward. With a frown he began fight back his disappointment as her words echoed in his mind, 'If you want me to go...' If I want her to go, he wondered, I don't want her to go. "I don't want you to go," he spoke, his voice reiterating his thoughts.  
  
  
Asuka gazed at him in bewilderment. He had just asked her when she was leaving, after all he didn't want to be with her anymore, but then why is he telling her he doesn't want to go? Something was getting lost in the translation she supposed. "What, I don't want to leave, YOU want me to go."  
  
  
Shinji cocked his head in bafflement.  
  
  
In a different set of circumstances, their mutual confusion over a simple question would have been comical, however given the importance of the subject to the parties concerned, frustration was setting in. Luckily for Shinji, Asuka was well educated on dealing with frustrating situations. "Mein Gott in Himmel, why are you making this so difficult, stupid. Listen to me." She pointed to herself for clarification and spoke slowly with emphasis, "Do YOU," she pointed to the boy, "want ME," she again pointed to herself, "too LEAVE?" her fingers making a simulated walking motion towards the front door.   
  
  
"No!" he said while shaking his head.  
  
  
"Ok, then why are you asking when I'm leaving?"  
  
  
"Because YOU want to leave." He turned away as he hung his head down.  
  
  
'Because you want to leave' she thought, 'you want...', 'you...', ME!, she called out to herself, he actually thinks I want to leave. "Shinji, you idiot, where did you get the idea that I wanted to leave?"  
  
  
"I don't...I just figured that you wanted to leave." He turned around to face her as he began to see the error of his logic.  
  
  
"I don't want to leave, I like it here. Besides you need me to keep you out of trouble." She cracked a slight grin that Shinji returned with a beaming smile. "I thought YOU wanted me...to...leave," her voice dropped as she realized exactly how stupid the two of them had just acted. "Shinji, we must be the two dumbest people in the world." Asuka cringed as she tried to catch those last words based on her companion's feelings about the current state of the world population. "Oh, bad choice of words, I'm sorry!"   
  
  
"No, Asuka, it's alright. Even though we're the only one's right now, I think even if everyone was here, we still would have been the dumbest." He smiled knowingly at her, causing her to blush. "We've both acted pretty stupid for the past few days."  
  
  
"Past year, Shinji," she added with a grin. He nodded in agreement as she continued, "Ok, from now on, we need to talk about things and get the facts straight before jumping to conclusions and getting all worked up." Shinji stopped nodding and looked at her with a wry grin. "Ok, I may still get worked up, but you'll just have to deal with it!"   
  
  
"You've got a deal!" he said, elated, and jumped up, standing next to her. "There is so much I wanted to talk to you about!" his excitement barely contained.  
  
  
Asuka simply closed her eyes as Shinji ranted about all the subjects he wanted to discuss with her, none of which seemed all that appealing at the moment. Finally, she had enough, "Shinji, enough already!" She waited for him to stop and look at her before continuing, "listen, we have the rest of our lives to sort through our problems, it's not going to happen in one night."  
  
  
Shinji grasped her point, "Yeah, I guess your right."  
  
  
"Besides, there is a certain incident that happened just before Third Impact that we need to address, but to be honest, I don't have the strength to deal with it right now, it can wait."  
  
  
Shinji turned away in humiliation as he immediately knew what she was describing. "I have no excuse..."  
  
  
She cut him off before he could continue, "Shinji, I said not now!"  
  
  
Glancing up, he could see the seriousness in her eyes, "I'm sorry."  
  
  
She scowled at him, "What did you say!"  
  
  
"Er...sorry?" he stammered.  
  
  
"Stop saying that!" she roared.  
  
  
"I guess its just a habit, sorry!"  
  
  
Judging that the boy had suffered enough for now, Asuka smiled and attempted to lighten the atmosphere. "You're hopeless!" she yelled as she started to laugh.   
  
  
Shinji hesitantly joined her laughter, relieved that her she seemed in a good mood again, although in the back of his mind he knew he had better come up with a good reason for his actions or the penalty would be quite severe.  
  
  
Asuka looked out the window to see the dawn approaching, "well, I've got like no sleep tonight, so I'm going to turn in."  
  
  
Shinji nodded, "You're right, it's been a long day and I'm beat." They both walked toward their mutual bedrooms.  
  
  
"Well, good night" he whispered to her as they reached the bedroom doors.  
  
  
"Good night" she replied. Neither of them made a move toward their room. Instead they stood staring at each other, each one not wanting to be the first to move and destroy the moment. They stayed like this for a solid minute, neither moving before Asuka finally broke the stalemate.  
  
  
"Listen, my bed's really big, if you think you can be trusted to keep your paws off this magnificent body, I would feel better if I didn't have to sleep alone." She bowed her head to hide her blush.  
  
  
Shinji's heart nearly leapt out of his chest, she had read his mind. The last thing he wanted after the past day was to be alone. "S...sure, I can be trusted." He also bowed his head to hide his blush.  
  
  
"Ok," she laughed while running into her room and jumping onto the bed, "I got the window side!"  
  
  
He only nodded as he slowly made his way into the room.   
  
  
The sun was just beginning to rise as the two finally were prepared to sleep. "Asuka, thanks for letting me sleep in here, I didn't want to be alone," Shinji said while pulling the covers tightly over himself.  
  
  
"No big deal," she responded as she also bundled up.  
  
  
"Do you think these feelings will last? Can we learn to live together?" he questioned as he closed his eyes.  
  
  
"If you asked me that question 2 days ago, I would have said never. But now, I like our chances."   
  
  
Shinji smiled deeply after hearing her comments. His heart was pounding and he admitted to himself that this was the happiest moment of his life. He never felt as alive as he did at that moment, and yet he knew that these feelings could grow over time and he could experience even more pleasure. For the first time in his life, Shinji Ikari was no longer afraid of the future, and the uncertainty it brings.   
  
  
Asuka was right, her bed was quite large and they were able to keep a good distance between one another. Neither seemed to mind, they both had become so much closer in the past day, that the remaining distance was insignificant.   
  
  
For the first time that either of them could remember, they both slept without nightmares. No images of the past haunting them, no hidden demons to torture their slumber, no tossing and turning to fight battles they never could win. No, this night the two slept and dreamed; dreamed of the future, something they had both feared but now welcomed with open arms, their dreams full of hope and promise.  
  
  
From a distant vantage point in the heavens, a single presence looks back at the Earth and Moon. She gazes longingly, as she has been for quite a while now, waiting for something to ease her fears. Suddenly a dim light flickers on the surface and she focuses on it intently. Much to her delight, the light does not diminish, but rather it seems to grow and begins to shine brightly, soon rivaling any star. The eyes of Unit 01 glow for just a moment as it takes in the view of Earth, before it again goes dim and its pilot resumes her journey.  
  
  
  
  
  
Authors Notes:  
  
Points to clarify, Shinji stopped himself from jumping, not Rei. He still had enough doubts about whether or not to jump that he at least stopped to think it over. No, Asuka was not molested, per se, by Section 2. But her dignity was severely damaged by the fact that they did degrade her by their comments and perhaps "copping a feel" as they pulled her out of the tub. I case Kaworu didn't make it clear, it is not Asuka's fault that Shinji asked to have everyone die during 3rd Impact. She was merely part of the equation, a big part, but the decision was still his... thanks again to 20eva and Random1377 for the prereading and a huge thank you to Rhine, for devoting a lot of his valuable time to help this struggling fic writer out, all of you guys are the best and way more then I deserve. Any comments or questions, send me an email at nergalfanfic @yahoo.com.   
  
  



	6. When They've Given You Their All, Some S...

Nergal Fan Fiction LLC   
A division of Nergal Heavy Industries proudly presents:  
  
  
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: RENAISSANCE  
  
  
Chapter Six (True) "WHEN THEY'VE GIVEN YOU THEIR ALL, SOME STAGGER AND FALL"  
  
  
by Ryoma  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion have been used without permission. All characters contained in this work are copyright GAINAX, Project EVA, Movic, AD Vision and Manga Entertainment.   
  
  
  
  
"Hey Shinji, what are you doing over there?" Asuka called to the image moving about in the distance.   
  
  
"Oh, nothing important," came the faint reply.  
  
  
"Well hurry up, I'm getting lonely over here." Asuka sighed while sitting down on the cold, white sand next to their bag of supplies. Reaching in she pulled out a Yebisu beer and cracked it open.  
  
  
Sure, she had agreed to accompany Shinji on his little excursion, but she knew that a little help would be required once they got here. The beer was strictly for medicinal purposes, she told herself as she aimlessly pushed her toes around in the sand.   
  
  
After taking a good gulp, she turned to watch her companion though he was too far away in the dusk light for her to make out what he was doing in his makeshift graveyard.   
  
  
Asuka had spent a couple of moments over there went they first arrived, saying some nice things to Misato before she moved on down to the beach, leaving Shinji alone. She took another sip of beer as her own unpleasant memories of graveside visits replayed in her mind.   
  
  
The setting sun threw her shadow towards the ocean, as a warm breeze brushed past. It truly was a gorgeous night, the sole exception the stone monsters that sullied her vision. How typical that the works of man defile natures beauty.   
  
  
Unconsciously she shuttered as the agony returned, the stone beasts again tearing at her flesh, at her very entrails. Her conscious mind battled these phantom pains, trying to convince herself that they were not real. However, the memory was too vivid, too deeply burned to simply brush aside. Her only victory the fact she didn't scream out.   
  
  
Quickly downing the last of her beer, she threw the empty can in the direction of the stone giant.  
  
  
"Litterbug!" Shinji called out from behind her, causing her to jump.  
  
  
"Yeah...well, I still have some issues with those...things," she proclaimed while turning to face him.  
  
  
He continued forward, dropping a bundle of wood at his feet. "I'll get a fire going so we can eat."  
  
  
"You know...we could just walk through the night, I bet we'd be back in Gora by daybreak." Asuka glanced quickly back at the stone image and then to Shinji, "or sooner."  
  
  
Something inside her knew that she would have no problem walking through the night as long as it was away from this place. Glancing over and observing the look on Shinji's face, she would be staying the night.   
  
  
"Ok, then at least tell me why exactly we came back here? I mean what's the point of walking all this way just so you can say goodbye again?" Asuka's voice began to trail off as she noticed 3 large pieces of wood in the pile. They looked familiar, just like Shinji's grave markers.   
  
  
"Hey!" she exclaimed, completely ignoring the fact that her previous question had not been answered, "aren't those..."  
  
  
"Yes," he replied nonchalantly while prepping the wood for the fire.  
  
  
A confused look appeared on Asuka's face as she turned to Shinji. "Then why in the hell did we walk all this way?"  
  
  
Shinji expected this question ever since she agreed to go with him on the trip. Although glad she came, he knew she would never understand his reasons. Taking a deep breath he spoke, "It's hard to explain, but I just thought it was wrong to keep them standing."   
  
  
Asuka's bewildered look encouraged him to elaborate further.  
  
  
"It's like this. I know they're not dead. Not just the people these things symbolized," he said while pointing down at the woodpile, "but everybody."   
  
  
Shinji stood up and moved closer to her, "I can feel it now, growing each day. They're not dead, just lost and confused. They want to come back. They need a sign. A reason to return."   
  
  
He reached out and grabbed Asuka's hands, his deep blue eyes gazing into hers, "having those standing was sending the wrong message. I want them to know I still believe... I still have hope."  
  
  
Asuka pulled away and started to clap, "that's a very nice speech Shinji."  
  
  
Shinji dropped his head. "You don't need to make fun of me you know."  
  
  
"I wasn't making fun of you, honest." Asuka replied as she stopped clapping. Soon a large smile appeared on her face. "Sometimes I wish I had as much hope as you do."  
  
  
Shinji nodded his head. "It wasn't easy, but if the two of us can...then I guess I believe that others will too." He returned her smile as the two peered into each other's eyes.  
  
  
She couldn't help but feel lifted by his words. He seemed so sure that others would come back; she was starting to actually believe it herself. Glancing down she noticed Misato's cross hanging from his neck before slowly returning her gaze to his eyes.  
  
  
She stepped back away from him. "I guess your right, but..."  
  
  
"But what?"  
  
  
"But...we could have had this conversation floating in the pool back at the hotel," Asuka mumbled as she turned away.  
  
  
"What?" Shinji replied, though he heard every word.  
  
  
"Oh, nothing."  
  
  
"Besides," he started again, "don't you want to get out and enjoy the great outdoors, you know become one with nature?" For the first time, Shinji seemed keenly aware of the fact it truly was a magnificent evening.  
  
  
Asuka turned on her heels and faced him. "NO!" she huffed.  
  
  
She stood there for a moment before a wry grin appeared on her face, "but the fact that you will be my slave, waiting on me hand and foot for the next week will make up for one night's inconvenience."  
  
  
Shinji's face dropped. "I don't remember agreeing to that," he protested as he silently wondered how that would differ from his usual routine.  
  
  
"Really?" Asuka replied while grabbing her chin, "I'm sure I told you before we left...oh well, I guess it really doesn't matter now."  
  
  
"Doesn't matter?" he groaned, realizing he had lost. She simply stared at him, her sky blue eyes melting him.   
  
  
"Fine, one week anything you want," Shinji lamented.   
  
  
"Hey, don't make it sound so gloomy." She stared right into his eyes, the slightest smirk apparent on her face. "You might just enjoy some of the things I'm going to make you do!" she said while adding a wink for good measure.   
  
  
Shinji's heart did a flip as he could feel himself start to blush. He would have waited on her anyway. He would do anything for her. He was never happier then the times they were together, and since their mutual reconciliation three days prior, they were growing closer each day.  
  
  
The two former pilots spent hours during that time talking about their problems. Shinji was as surprised as her that they really were two sides of the same coin. A great deal of progress had been made in a week, and although there was still more work to be done, he secretly wished that the week would turn into two, then into a month, the months into years. She did seem to be happy to be with him. He had found the path to his happiness. But finding the path turned out to be the easy part. Moving down that path was proving to be impossible.  
  
  
What were the feelings that kept pushing him back, eating him alive from the inside out?  
  
  
"Well," Asuka started, breaking the stare and his thoughts, "I'll start the fire and you handle the cooking."  
  
  
"Huh, O...Okay," Shinji nodded and smiled.  
  
  
---------  
  
  
Life could be good.   
  
  
Shinji pondered this phrase as he lay sprawled out on the blanket gazing up at the stars.   
  
  
Since the skies were clear, they had decided to not use the tent and just sleep outside on the beach. Actually Asuka had originally insisted on using the tent, mentioning something about bugs and her hair, but she relented when Shinji carefully pointed out that they could leave that much earlier if they didn't have to take it down in the morning.   
  
  
He gazed over at his companion who was sleeping a couple of feet away. She looked so peaceful, a drastic change from her sleeping habits when they first met. He couldn't help but feel warm inside as he knew that she had finally subdued her inner demons.   
  
  
Shinji smiled as he reflected on the past few days and how they opened his eyes and his heart. He was growing closer to Asuka and for the first time in his life, actually felt hope for the future. No longer trapped in the darkened corridor through which he trudged his entire life, now he stood in a field of dreams, infinite possibilities in every direction.   
  
  
Another thought rose to the surface.   
  
  
"So, why do I feel so guilty?" Shinji wondered aloud. "What can I do to end this pain?"  
  
  
This unfortunately was not a new feeling, this feeling had been growing steadily. Around Asuka he was able to fight it, to maintain a happy façade, even as the pain racked his very essence. The happier and more hopeful he became, the stronger his feelings of guilt and frustration grew. This torrent of emotions slowly eroding his spirit away, soon nothing would be left but a hollow shell. He sat up and looked to the sky, quickly scanning around until he stopped on his intended target.   
  
  
The band of red that he so feared was still there, his latest attempt at restitution a failure.   
  
  
"What? Am I not trying hard enough? What do you want from me?" He slowly released his gaze, choosing to stare at the sand below his feet. "What can I do to end this torture?"  
  
  
Shinji stood silently and walked to the water's edge. The moonlight shone off the LCL drenched sea, casting off a maroon glow to everything around him. He looked down at the sand as his foot idly traced small figures in it. At first they were just scribbles, but eventually the word ASUKA appeared.   
  
  
As if on cue, a large wave broke and washed it away.   
  
  
Shinji again aimlessly drew in the sand, his mind racing, trying to resolve its internal struggle. He continued with this course of action for some time, attempting to reconcile the two opposing feelings within himself.   
  
  
Guilt.  
  
  
Happiness.  
  
  
The past.  
  
  
The future.  
  
  
Despair.  
  
  
Hope.  
  
  
Suddenly he stopped and slowly looked straight ahead. He strengthened his chin and set his eyes. The internal conflict of his emotions temporarily ended.  
  
  
"Rei?"   
  
  
"Yes, Ikari."  
  
  
As he turned to face her, Shinji flinched the surprise of her sudden appearance frightening him. It was almost as if she expected him to call on her. He pressed on, however.  
  
  
"Rei, what can I do?" His eyes never blinked or diverted from her gaze.  
  
  
"What's the matter Shinji? You seem to have things going so well here."   
  
  
Shinji turned to face the voice that just spoke behind him. His jaw dropped as he saw Kaworu Nagisa standing in front of him. "Kaworu?" The young boy simply nodded. "I'm so glad your here." Shinji reached out to hug him, but passed right through.  
  
  
"Sorry Shinji, " Kaworu laughed. After a moment of embarrassment Shinji joined him.  
  
  
"Well, it's good to SEE you again."   
  
  
"You too," Kaworu replied as he floated over next to Rei. They exchanged a mutual smile before turning back to face Shinji.  
  
  
Rei spoke first. "What do you wish?"   
  
  
"I want to help them come back and end this guilt before it kills me."   
  
  
"Shinji, people must chose to come back of their own free will, you cannot make them come back," Kaworu replied. "You cannot force them to return if they don't wish it."  
  
  
Shinji nodded his head as he listened to Kaworu. "But I think right now they are blinded by fear and loneliness."  
  
  
Kaworu simply nodded as Shinji continued.  
  
  
"They don't attempt to discover the truth within their hearts because they have no hope, they can see no reason to return. They will not exercise their free will until someone gives them a reason to try."   
  
  
"What do you wish?" Rei repeated.  
  
  
"Could you to send me back...with them?" Shinji said as he pointed to the red band circling the night sky. "I want to show them that there's enough hope in this world for everyone that wants it. If I can find a reason to live, there's no reason they can't."   
  
  
Shinji paused as he tried to remember something that he heard during Third Impact. "Images, you said that images would change the hearts of others. Can I be that image..."  
  
  
Kaworu cut Shinji short, "even if you can not return?"   
  
  
Shinji hung his head and turned away down as Rei spoke. "You may lose yourself in your own words or the words of others and be unable to return."  
  
  
"I only want to help." Shinji questioned.  
  
  
"Shinji," Kaworu began, "if you return, neither I nor Rei can help you. The lost souls are so desperate and lonely that once they sense your presence, they will flock to you like moths to a flame. Because of this, you may loose your identity and be unable to return."  
  
  
Shinji spun around to face them, his face revealing his fear he was experiencing. Not returning was a possibility Shinji had not considered. "W...why would they attack me? Don't they realize I'm trying to help?"  
  
  
Kaworu smiled as he responded. "No, quite the opposite. They are going to gather around your presence because you are showing them something they haven't felt in a long time, hope. It will be like a beacon that lights the void...do you understand now?"  
  
  
"But why wouldn't I return?"  
  
  
Rei's face formed a slight frown as she slowly dropped her head and gazed at the water below. "They will take your hope and love, and leave you their despair."  
  
  
"Like when I sync with the Eva, I can feel its pain although we are separate."  
  
  
"Correct." Rei raised her head to look him in the eyes before continuing.   
  
  
"This fear and loneliness will become part of you. Destroying your hope. Obscuring the truth within your heart. Without this truth, you will lose your identity and be unable to return to human form."  
  
  
Shinji turned and walked over to the slumbering Second Child. The labored steps through the deep sand passed quickly, his desire to close the distance between them causing him to quicken his gait. Noticing the light from the fire dance across her face, Shinji felt embarrassed for staring at Asuka's beauty. He desired nothing more than to put his arms around her, to feel her touch, if only for a moment.   
  
  
Closing his eyes, he contemplated what Kaworu and Rei just explained to him.   
  
  
"You may do nothing."  
  
  
Shinji slowly opened his eyes and immediately noticed Rei standing next to him.  
  
  
"How? The guilt is becoming unbearable."  
  
  
"The stronger souls will find the strength to return."  
  
  
"I understand that, but I need to give everyone the same chance. My mistake put them in this situation. I accept that. If I don't make amends, the weight of their deaths will ultimately kill me."  
  
  
"Will you go?"  
  
  
"Her..." he started while pointing down at the sleeping girl. "She is the path to my happiness, I know that now. I feel good when I'm with her, I don't want to leave her..."  
  
  
"Will you stay?"  
  
  
Shinji thought for a moment, the enormity of his decision weighing heavily on him. Finally he spoke.   
  
  
"I can't be truly happy unless I rid myself of this guilt. It will slowly kill me if I don't end it now...if I die then she will be left alone. I will not allow that to happen." Shinji paused as another thought entered his mind.  
  
  
"Rei, what will happen to her if I can't come back?"  
  
  
He could just make out a smile on her face. " She will never be alone."  
  
  
"Thank you."  
  
  
"Your choice?"  
  
  
Shinji balled his hands into fists, "yes, I will go...not just for myself but for her."  
  
  
Rei nodded in approval.   
  
  
"To risk everything you hold dear to help those you love. Your mother also made this decision a long time ago."  
  
  
Shinji's eyes flew and his mouth dropped upon hearing her words, but he was unable to speak. He simply smiled and nodded in approval.  
  
  
He took a moment to reflect before he knelt down as he brushed the hair away from Asuka's face.   
  
  
Realizing that he could look at her beauty for the rest of the night, he reluctantly broke the trance and bent down, placing a small kiss on her forehead.  
  
  
"Please try to understand why I must do this. I wish there was another way...but I have to. It will be better for you if I go...it will be better for everyone. Don't worry, as long as I know you are here for me, I know I'll return."   
  
  
He removed Misato's cross and placed it in her hand as he whispered something into her ear and stood, wiping a small tear from his face as he walked back to the pair floating just above the waves.   
  
  
"What happens now?"  
  
  
Rei and Kaworu looked at each other and smiled as they took each other's hand and offered the other to Shinji. He returned them a bewildered look, but a nod from Rei convinced him to reach out to grasp their hands.   
  
  
Shinji was quite surprised to find them both solid to the touch.   
  
  
"I'm scared."  
  
  
"Ikari, you have nothing to fear." Rei and Kaworu smiled knowingly at him.  
  
  
At her confident words he returned the smile. He could feel the warmth of their power. He felt his tension easing as he closed his eyes and prepared to proceed.   
  
  
---------  
  
  
Asuka awoke with a snap. She didn't know why, but something inside of her willed her awake. She turned to the side and noticed Shinji's empty blanket. Feeling something in her hand, she looked down to find Misato's cross.   
  
  
Her heart began to race as she clutched the cross, trying to calm herself by taking a deep breath. Slowly she sat up and looked around searching for her companion. As her eyes began to adjust to the early morning light, she could make out three figures standing just off the shore.  
  
  
"S...Shinji?"   
  
  
As she finished calling him, a light suddenly generated from within the trinity.   
  
  
"Shinji!" she bellowed out again, holding her arm up to block the light, which became brighter by the moment.   
  
  
Asuka started to work her way down towards its source, all the while screaming, "SHINJI!!"   
  
  
Finally the intensity of the energy making it impossible for her to proceed any farther, she reluctantly dropped to her knees.   
  
  
"Shinji," she called out, her voice breaking, "please don't leave me..."  
  
  
Asuka began to cry as she felt wave upon wave of intense energy surge through her. "Please...no," she whimpered, collapsing on the cold sand.  
  
  
As suddenly as it appeared, the light along with the three figures vanished.   
  
  
Asuka struggled to her feet and staggered down to the water's edge. Wading out into the crimson breakers, she scanned the shoreline for any sign of the Third Child. Frantically running up and down in the surf, she searched, stopping and calling his name every few seconds.   
  
  
Suddenly she felt something brush against her leg.  
  
  
Quickly jabbing her arm into the foamy surf, she felt around until she grabbed the object. Pulling it out of the water, her heart dropped as Shinji's shirt lay draped over her hand.   
  
  
Slowly she made her way out of the surf and silently began walking back to the camp. She didn't make it more than ten paces out of the surf before she collapsed to her knees, her body convulsing with each sob. She slowly brought her hands up to her face as the tears began to flow...  
  
  
"Why?"   
  
  
Asuka sat on the beach, still clutching his shirt and Misato's cross. Slowly she pulled her knees up to her head, slowly rocking back and forth with each sob.   
  
  
Had she the strength to pick her head up, the most magnificent sight the world had ever seen awaited her. High above the sobbing girl the morning sky bristled with activity.   
  
  
First one, then a second and third. Gaining momentum, within moments millions of indigo crosses suddenly appeared, redefining the crimson ring that circled the Earth. They lit up in rapid succession, quickly circling the globe in a frenzied pace. After a long pause, silently one by one they started to cautiously descend towards the Earth below.   
  
  
Asuka, however, was far too despondent to enjoy the heavenly fireworks. She simply sat, her head hung low, slowly rocking herself as she sobbed softly.   
  
  
To preoccupied with crying, she didn't notice as figure emerged from the surf and slowly walked towards her. Asuka jumped as she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder.  
  
  
"Asuka?" the figure called out.  
  
  
Asuka slowly raised her head and started blinking furiously in an attempt to correct her teardrop impaired vision. As it started to clear, she could finally make out the person's smiling face.   
  
  
"M...Misato, is that you?"  
  
  
"Yes, it's me...are you alright?" the purple haired woman replied as she hugged Asuka tightly. Asuka could only shake her head as she began sobbing once again.   
  
  
"Asuka, what happened, how did I end up here?" Misato loosen her grip in an attempt to look her in the face.   
  
  
"Please, tell me what happened."  
  
  
"It's S...Shinji," she replied in between sobs, "he's gone!"  
  
  
Misato raised her head, scanning the shoreline. Her heart started to race as she made out something bobbing up and down in the waves.   
  
  
"Asuka look!" she yelled.   
  
  
The Second Child slowly looked up in the direction Misato was staring. Furiously wiping away her tears, she could see groups of people emerging from the breakers, joining the growing crowd on the beach. Grabbing Misato's hand and pulling on her Asuka started towards the shore.  
  
  
"Come on, we have to go find Shinji!"  
  
  
Misato sunk to her knees in exhaustion.   
  
  
"Give me a minute, I'm wiped out." The physical toll of regaining one's AT field finally hitting her. "Just let me rest a little and then we'll go look for him."  
  
  
Asuka looked down at her guardian with a frown. "Well...hurry up, I have to find that jerk and make him pay for scaring me like this."   
  
  
She took one long glance at the growing crowd and satisfied that she couldn't immediately see anyone who looked like Shinji, she sighed and sat down next to the now reclined Misato.  
  
  
"So, can you tell me what the hell just happened? Last thing I remember is pushing Shinji into the elevator after I was..."   
  
  
Misato sat up with a flash and pulled open the front of her shirt. Not satisfied with her initial inspection, she reached around inside her shirt, before she noticed a bewildered look on Asuka's face. "Oh sorry, it's just that...I could have sworn I was shot."  
  
  
"You were, Shinji told me it was bad," Asuka replied apathetically.  
  
  
Misato turned white as a ghost, "you mean?"  
  
  
"Yeah, you died." Asuka stood and again scanned the beach.  
  
  
Misato was becoming quite unnerved by her casual attitude. She reached out and grabbed Asuka's arm. "I...Is this heaven?"  
  
  
Asuka glanced down and smiled, "Heaven? I don't think so." She continued surveying the various groups forming up and down the beach. "Dammit, where the hell is he?"   
  
  
He's probably hiding, she thought to herself, afraid that she'd yell at him for leaving.   
  
  
Her ongoing search was broken when the older woman pulled on the arm she was still holding, dragging Asuka to the ground.   
  
  
"Misato, hey," she protested as she sat up.   
  
  
Asuka struggled to stand but found herself held down by a pair of hands on her shoulders.  
  
  
Misato was trembling as she started. "Asuka, if I died and this isn't Heaven?" She began shaking the girl as her line of questioning continued, "then what in the hell is going on?"  
  
  
"T...T...Third...I...I...Impact," Asuka stammered out in between shakes.  
  
  
Misato stopped shaking her while releasing her grip as she lowered her head. "So, we failed."   
  
  
Asuka simply nodded her head in agreement.   
  
  
"But if we failed then where are we?"  
  
  
Asuka reached over and grasped Misato's chin, picking her head up to look her in the eye. "It's okay, we're still in Tokyo-3. Shinji rejected everything."  
  
  
Misato looked perplexed. "Shinji?"  
  
  
Asuka smiled at Misato's disbelief. She felt the same feelings earlier when Shinji recounted the story to her a few days prior.   
  
  
"Well, as Shinji explained it to me, Rei decided to give the choice of deciding the future of mankind to him. Apparently Rei was some type of Angel, the original Angel Lillith, and she allowed him to make the choice."   
  
  
Misato nodded as the images of the cloned Rei's replayed in her mind.   
  
  
Asuka continued, "and to make a long story short, the idiot eventually got it right and here we are."  
  
  
Misato took a moment to absorb Asuka's words before she decided to speak.   
  
  
"Well, it's hard to believe but stranger things have happened," although at the time she couldn't think of one. She glanced over so see Asuka smiling back at her.   
  
  
"But tell me one thing, you make it sound like you and Shinji have been back for a while?"  
  
  
"We've been back for a week. To be honest I had pretty much given up on anyone else coming back."  
  
  
"Wait a minute, you and Shinji were the only two people on the planet for the past week?"   
  
  
Asuka nodded, "as far as we could tell, it was just us."  
  
  
"And you didn't kill him?"  
  
  
How ironic, Asuka thought as she recounted her initial memory from Third Impact and exactly who tried to kill who.  
  
  
"No, Shinji and I have...we have patched up our relationship."   
  
  
Misato could not help but catch her blush.   
  
  
"We are getting along much better now."  
  
  
Misato smiled. "That's great, about the two of you I mean." Asuka blushed more upon seeing Misato's smile.  
  
  
"So, where did he go? What happened to him?"  
  
  
Asuka's smile was short lived, her mind replaying the last images of her fellow pilot. A frown formed as she informed Misato of the image of Shinji, Kaworu and Rei floating over the sea just prior to the return of Misato and the others. While telling the story, Asuka silently admonished herself for not noticing the connection before.   
  
  
"Misato, what do you remember, I mean what happened to suddenly bring you back?"  
  
  
Misato turned away and gazed out over the water, watching intently as the rising sun shimmered off the waves. She concentrated, trying to recall exactly what had transpired between her final memories of the battle for NERV and her arrival at the beach.   
  
  
"Well, it's all strange, like a dream." She turned back and faced the redhead.   
  
  
"I can remember bits and pieces, but nothing really substantial."  
  
  
"So you don't remember anything?"  
  
  
"No, I mean nothing that I can put my finger on..." Misato's voice trailed off as it seemed she was focusing in on something.  
  
  
"What do you mean?" Asuka pleaded.  
  
  
Misato paused as she attempted to put her thoughts to words. "It's strange but I can't remember images or sounds...but I can remember feelings."  
  
  
"Feelings?"  
  
  
"I can't really explain it but I can definitely remember feeling lonely and depressed for a long time, and then..." Misato suddenly turned pale as her jaw dropped, her hand reaching up to cover it.  
  
  
Seeing her reaction, Asuka immediately grabbed Misato's arms and began shaking her. "Then what...then what? Dammit, Misato what happened up there!"   
  
  
"S...Shinji. I felt his presence."  
  
  
"What do you mean, felt his presence?" Asuka lamented while shaking her head from side to side as she continued, "how do you even know it was Shinji?"  
  
  
The Major took a deep breath. "I just...know it was Shinji. I couldn't see him or hear him but I know it was him."   
  
  
Misato smiled much to Asuka's surprise. "When I felt him, I suddenly no longer felt alone, I no longer felt sorry for myself. The next thing I knew I was walking out of the water and saw you crying on the beach."  
  
  
Asuka turned away and walked a few steps up the beach. She paused for a moment, glanced up at the sky and then turned back toward Misato.   
  
  
"So, he really did go back...that idiot." Her eyes started to water as she stumbled over into Misato's arms.   
  
  
"That idiot went and tried to save the world again." Her tears were flowing quite freely now as she sobbed. "Am I so worthless he couldn't stand to be with me?"   
  
  
Misato tighten her embrace. She could sense the girls' pain. This girl was different from the girl who had once, hesitantly acknowledged that Misato knew her darkest secrets. A girl whose secrets had only led to more pain and a complete collapse of the mind. This Asuka, even in the throes of such grief, seemed stronger. Something had changed her   
  
  
A slight smile formed on her face as she decided someday to find out exactly what her two charges had experienced during the past week that would cause them to become so close. Her smile faded; however, as she decided those questions were for another time. Her first priority was to calm Asuka, and then find Shinji Ikari.   
  
  
Misato released her embrace and pushed Asuka out in front of her. Asuka simply hung her head down and continued to sob.   
  
  
"Asuka," Misato whispered. The redhead continued to stare at the ground as she whimpered.   
  
  
"Asuka," Misato called out again, her voice a bit more forceful.   
  
  
The Eva pilot seemed to respond as her sobbing slowed. Taking this cue, Misato grasped her by the chin, forcing the Second Child to look at her. "Listen, Shinji WILL be back, and when he does do you want him to see you looking like this?"  
  
  
Asuka shook her head. "No."  
  
  
"I didn't think so. Now pull yourself together and we'll go find him."   
  
  
Asuka felt invigorated by the Major's confidence, "you're right...let's go find that jerk so I can yell at him for making me get all upset. And if the dork even starts with, 'I'm sorry' I swear I'll..."  
  
  
Misato smiled as the new Asuka slipped back into her old mode of conflict resolution. It felt comforting to know that at least some things didn't change.  
  
  
Misato and Asuka stood and gazed out over the beach. By this time there were several good-sized crowds forming in both directions up and down the shoreline. After Unit 00 self-destructed, the majority of the civilian population moved away. Still between the NERV staff and the portion of the civilians who remained behind, Tokyo-3 had a considerable populace. Judging by the growing numbers on the beach, a good percentage of them chose to return.  
  
  
"Listen, I have an idea. Judging by the terrain, this area here is the only way on or off this beach."  
  
  
Asuka scanned the surrounding dunes and rubble. The Major was correct. They were standing on the only passable section off the beach.   
  
  
Misato continued, "as I figure it, we don't have to go looking for him, he's going to have to come to us."  
  
  
The proposal to just sit and wait did not really appeal to the fiery German. It didn't seem right to basically do nothing while her Shinji was out amongst the crowds. She could only imagine how lost he must be without her, probably crying or something because she wasn't there for him. But, given the amount of people and the distance to cover, even she had to agree it was the best plan.   
  
  
Reluctantly she sat down as Misato moved to the other side of natural walkway to ensure that no one would be missed.  
  
  
Asuka's mind began to race as she could see the first groups of people approaching. She tried to formulate a plan of what to do and say to Shinji when she finally saw him again. Would she yell at him, or would she run up and hug him?   
  
  
Asuka smiled as she imagined the looks on both his and Misato's faces if she ran up and kissed him. So many choices, she reflected, but which would be the best?   
  
  
Asuka was so deep in thought that she failed to notice the first two people approach.  
  
  
"A...Asuka, is that you?"  
  
  
Hearing her name called broke her trance. "Yes," she replied as she glanced up to see the smiling face of Makoto Hyuga. "Oh, sorry I didn't see you. Welcome back, Hyuga."   
  
  
Asuka silently cursed herself for never bothering to learn his first name. "Who's that?"   
  
  
Makoto stepped a bit to the side, revealing a very shaken Maya Ibuki. "We thought it looked like you up here," he started as Maya tried to hide behind him again.  
  
  
Misato finally noticed the pair stopped in front of Asuka. "Hyuga, is that you?" she called out as she started walking over to them.  
  
  
Makoto flinched, the color leaving his face as he caught sight of Misato's smiling face. Asuka threw him a confused look as he took a cautious step back from Misato's approach.   
  
  
"L...Lt. Hyuga reporting."  
  
  
Misato smiled and brushed her hand at Makoto. "Oh cut that crap out, NERV is finished so you can call me Misato from now on."  
  
  
He cleared his now dry throat. "Y...yes Major, I mean yes...Misato." The words seemed foreign to him as he struggled on, "Ma...Misato, what happened?"  
  
  
"It's a long story, even I'm not sure about the details..."   
  
  
As she moved closer, Misato caught sight of Maya, who desperately tried to conceal herself behind Makoto. For his part, Makoto seemed content to remain at arms length from the Major.  
  
  
"Hey, Maya what's the matter?" Misato stepped past Makoto and grabbed Maya. "It's alright Maya, it's all over now."  
  
  
Maya practically collapsed into Misato's arms, the pain and feelings of loss during the past few weeks finally catching up with her. The young woman trembled and shook uncontrollably.   
  
  
"I...I'm sorry," she whimpered as she pulled herself tightly into Misato's embrace. "I want to be strong, but..."  
  
  
"That's ok, let it all out." Misato started rubbing her back, "the last few days have been tough on all of us. There's nothing wrong with crying."  
  
  
"Hey, Hyuga."   
  
  
Makoto watched Maya and Misato as if hypnotized.   
  
  
"Hello, Hyuga are you in there?"  
  
  
Makoto finally turned around to the source of the voice. "Sorry Asuka, I was...distracted."  
  
  
Asuka looked at him with a sly smirk before she continued, "you didn't see Shinji down there, did you?"  
  
  
"No, I don't think so, but Maya was so shaken that we spent most of the time avoiding everyone down there."  
  
  
Asuka glanced over his shoulder as another group of people approached. She stared directly at them, moving from one to another, searching for a familiar face but finding none.   
  
  
Suddenly they each seemed to turn at the same time to face her. Later Asuka would realize these people all seemed to know her, even though she had never met them before. She sensed some type of connection to her as they all smiled and turned as they continued on their way, off the beach and back to their former lives. She observed them walk away for a moment before returning to her conversation.   
  
  
"Oh well, thanks anyway...um, Hyuga," Asuka hung her head just a bit in embarrassment, "what's your first name?"   
  
  
Makoto's face lit up as he replied, "Makoto."  
  
  
"Well thanks, Makoto."  
  
  
"Your welcome, and Asuka don't worry we'll find him." He couldn't help but notice that again she was looking past him, down at the bustling shoreline.   
  
  
This time Makoto decided to turn around and see what had diverted her attention. Looking out, he could make out the approaching figures of at least ten men, all dressed identically in black and moving up the beach towards them. His face instantly froze in fear as he called out, "Major Katsuragi, you better take a look at this!"  
  
  
Misato had calmed Maya down to the point that she was engaged in a conversation about the Children's return when she heard the call.   
  
  
"Makoto, I thought I told..." her voice stopped short as she also caught sight of the approaching party.   
  
  
"Asuka, stay up there. Lt. Hyuga, you take care of the Second Child."   
  
  
Makoto stood at attention and nodded.   
  
  
"Come on Maya, let's move out of the way so these people can pass." Misato slowly edged toward the side of the natural pathway, attempting to give the JSSDF troops a wide berth.   
  
  
Unfortunately, for Misato, the sudden decision to move caused Maya to instinctively search for the source of the problem. A fleeting look was all it took for her painful memories to resurface.   
  
  
Maya instantly fell into Misato's arms, unable to stand as the fear paralyzed her and the tears started spilling on Misato's shirt.  
  
  
The former Operations Director of NERV had a dilemma on her hands. Her military training was screaming at her to drop the helpless young woman and prepare to fight, while her compassionate side pleaded to comfort the poor girl and deal with the troops if and when she had to.   
  
  
Much to her surprise, Misato's compassionate side finally won, but not before her military training was able to bark out one last order to Makoto.   
  
  
"If anything happens, you get Asuka out of here and don't look back."   
  
  
Makoto nodded as Misato turned back towards the oncoming group. She clenched the shaking Maya tight as her eyes locked on the first person in the approaching line.   
  
  
Misato's glare bore down on the advancing troops, never staying on one soldier for more than a moment as she spread her evident disgust evenly amongst them. As they strode past, none were able to look the violet haired woman in the face, instead choosing to hang their heads and accept the judgement passed upon them by the NERV personnel. They quickly moved past, Misato's glare and the painful wails of a certain young lieutenant adequately providing them with incentive.  
  
  
"It's all over, they're gone now, " Misato whispered into Maya's ear after she watched the last of the troops move away.   
  
  
"Well, I'm sure glad that's over with, Major," Makoto said as he moved up next to Misato. They were both staring at the departing troops, ensuring to themselves that in fact it was over.   
  
  
"I know they were only following orders, but it still doesn't make it right."  
  
  
Misato pondered what Makoto said for a moment before responding.   
  
  
"Perhaps it's time to move on and bury the past..."   
  
  
---------  
  
  
The last remnants of the sun slowly slid behind the western hills as Misato surveyed their little camp. Around the blazing fire various members of the NERV command crew were sitting while chatting about various things, mostly trying to understand what happened.   
  
  
Makoto and Shigeru Aoba discussed the encounter with the JSSDF earlier in the day, Misato noting the look of indifference on Shigeru's face as Makoto again described his role in averting the potential confrontation. She smiled as her memory recalled a different set of events, much less dramatic and with a much smaller role for Makoto than the version he depicted.   
  
  
She continued around the fire, stopping next on Maya, who was staring intently into the flames. After the initial group of troops had left, Maya regained her composure and in fact as the day wore on she found herself aiding Misato in glaring at any JSSDF troops who passed by. Misato also remembered how Maya seemed almost as intent on finding Ritsuko Akagi as Asuka did in finding Shinji.   
  
  
The Major cast a lonely tear, realizing that her friend wasn't coming back. Ritsuko gave up on living at the end, a fact that Misato recalled all too well. However she wasn't about to dash Maya's hopes either, so all through the day Misato kept encouraging the young woman to keep up hope.   
  
  
Next to Maya were a handful of NERV Section 4 personnel that Misato could only remember by appearance. They were laughing and joking about, a far cry from the last time Misato saw them lying dead in the hallways of NERV.  
  
  
Her eye next caught a figure, sitting all alone and staring blankly at the ground, deep in thought.  
  
  
Subcommander Futyuski was one of the last to return and although outwardly he seemed fine, Misato instantly sensed that he was hiding something about his knowledge of Third Impact. His words and actions betrayed a sense of remorse and regret, she thought, and against her better judgement she offered him the leadership role in their little group. He politely refused as he explained that the entire NERV experience had soured him on a lot of things, not the least of which was leadership.   
  
  
Returning to her own thoughts, Misato recalled the other NERV personnel she had seen during the day. Most had just walked by, not bothering to stop. They no longer wished to have anything to do with the agency that while charged with saving the world, ultimately almost destroyed it.   
  
  
Misato couldn't blame them for walking away, in fact a part of her wished that she could simply leave and start a new life herself. She, like Futyuski, felt extremely empty after her NERV experience. It cost her the only man she ever truly loved. Wasted much of her youth. All for an ultimately futile attempt to avenge her fathers' death.   
  
  
Reflecting back on the past year, she smiled recalling memories of her Children and the few good times they spent together. As the images flooded into her mind, she started to cry realizing that one member of her family was still missing. Misato wanted to breakdown as memories of Shinji raced through her mind.   
  
  
What a poor guardian she really was. If he returned, she would do better. If he returned, she repeated to herself, the thought that she would never she him again began to overwhelm her. All of the things she wanted to say to him would never be spoken, forever trapped in her thoughts. Misato grit her teeth as she fought back those feelings of remorse.   
  
  
She needed to be strong, for her.  
  
  
Misato's thoughts unconsciously caused her to gaze over at a lone form sitting on a dune high above the beach, her outline perfectly silhouetted by the moon.   
  
  
No, Misato decided, the only person who could be upset over Shinji was Asuka. She earned that right over the course of the past week. For every word that Misato wanted to tell him, Asuka had a hundred more. The pain she felt at not being able to tell him was miniscule in comparison to the pain Asuka must be feeling.   
  
  
With a sigh, Misato moved up the dune and silently sat down next to the girl.  
  
  
"Asuka, why don't you come down and sit by the fire, it's starting to get cold." Asuka's only reply was to continue to stare out at the shimmering ocean. In the dim light provided by the moon, Misato couldn't see that her eyes were swollen from crying. She couldn't see the dried tears spent in wait, or the slight movement in Asuka's lips as she continued her silent chorus of prayer.   
  
She didn't need to.  
  
Asuka moved up on the dune after the initial groups of people passed by. For the first few hours it seemed like wave upon wave of people were emerging from the sea and she walked throughout the exiting crowds, making sure no one passed without her inspection.   
However, since sunset, fewer and fewer people emerged from the surf and by now no one had passed by in hours.   
  
  
Whatever optimism Misato felt for Shinji's return eroded as the hours passed by. She tried to keep up the hopeful facade, if only for the girl. Asuka was all that Misato had left in the world.  
  
  
"He'll be back, " Misato whispered, "he's just taking his time about it." Again Asuka simply continued to gaze out at the breakers, her eyes almost pleading for his return.   
  
  
Misato slowly stood and turned away. Asuka was unreachable, she thought to herself as she started to make her way down the dune towards the fire and the others. She started thinking about how she failed her Children again when she suddenly she stopped.   
  
  
A new feeling entered her mind, the same feeling she felt earlier when she held Maya. As the feeling grew she quickly turned and ran back to the girl, sitting down next to her and pulling her into a tight embrace.   
  
  
Asuka began to sob as Misato held her tight, gently offering the girl words of encouragement. Misato started to cry as finally her maternal instincts overwhelmed her years of military training and obsession with revenge.   
  
  
They stayed like that for hours, neither one wanting to destroy the fragile relationship that they desperately wished for...  
  
  
---------  
  
  
"Here, have something to eat," Misato spoke as she held a chocolate bar in front of Asuka. Although Shinji and Asuka only planned to be gone for two days, he packed extra food 'just in case'.  
  
  
"No thanks, I'm not hungry."  
  
  
"Come on Asuka, I know you haven't eaten anything since I came back. Please eat something...for me." Misato waved the bar just in front of Asuka's face for emphasis. Noticing that her initial approach wasn't working, Misato switched to another method. Changing her voice to one a mother would use with a little baby, she started again.   
  
  
"Come on, it's really good, you know you want it." She danced the chocolate bar in front of Asuka's face as if it were alive.  
  
  
Asuka smiled slightly and took the candy out of Misato's hand.   
  
  
"You sound like an idiot, you do know that."   
  
  
Misato simply returned her smile.   
  
  
"Let me guess, you found that beer that I brought."   
  
  
Misato turned away and blushed.   
  
  
"That's what I thought," Asuka commented after noticing the blush.  
  
  
Misato turned back to face her. "Oh, its not like that, besides, " she spoke while breaking into a huge smile, "four beers may be enough to get YOU drunk, but not me."   
  
  
"Where is everybody?" Asuka mumbled over the chocolate pieces in her mouth.  
  
  
"Well, I sent Shigeru and Maya off to try to reach Tokyo-2..."  
  
  
Asuka cut her off mid sentence, "Tokyo-2, it's going to take them a week to walk there."  
  
  
"That's true, if they walk...I purposely picked Shigeru because, well..." Misato began to look down at the sand as she pushed it around with her feet, "he has this way with cars that he can sort of start them without the keys."  
  
  
"Oh, I see..." Asuka replied with a wry smile on her face.  
  
  
Misato let out a pained chuckle, "Yeah, well...but what people did before they joined NERV is none of my business."   
  
  
Asuka looked at Misato with the same smile as the Major continued. "Hopefully they will be back as early as tomorrow and they'll bring good news. I send Makoto and the guys from Section 4 off to Gora to grab some more supplies and food since it looks like we are going to be here for at least a couple of more days. Once Shigeru and Maya return we'll decide our next move."  
  
  
Asuka paused for a moment before she spoke, "No."  
  
  
Misato turned toward the redhead, a perplexed look on her face, "No, what do you mean no?"  
  
  
"No, I'm not leaving." Asuka's appearance had changed from the earlier relaxed look to one of stern determination. "I will not leave Shinji. I'm going to stay right here until that jerk comes back to me."  
  
  
"Oh Asuka, I understand you wanting to remain hopeful and all, but at some point you have to face reality. After the few stragglers this morning, no one has come back since."   
  
  
Misato reached out and pulled Asuka into a tight embrace.   
  
  
"Listen, I want him back as much as you do, but there may come a time when we have to accept that he isn't coming back."  
  
  
Asuka pushed herself away from the woman and stood up, glaring down at a stunned Misato.  
  
  
"You can give up, " she motioned over to the campsite on the beach although no one was there, "they can give up, the whole god damn world can give up but I will never, I repeat NEVER, give up. He didn't give up on all of you...hell I would have written the rest of the world off long ago except he wouldn't let me do it. He had more hope and faith in his damn pinky than all of you combined!"   
  
  
Asuka took a deep breath and turned away, resuming her vigilant watch over the sea.   
  
  
After a few minutes of stunned silence on Misato's part, Asuka calmed down and started again.  
  
  
"Please Misato," she whispered, "please understand that if I leave this beach and give up, then he'll never come back." Asuka's voice began to break, "I'd rather stay here and die than go on living knowing that I failed him."   
  
  
She ran down the dune and onto the beach leaving Misato alone.  
  
  
"Shinji if you can hear me, please come back to us...come back to her."  
  
  
---------  
  
  
Awake for nearly two days, sleep came to Asuka relatively easy. She wouldn't agree to even lie down until Misato promised she would remain awake and assume her vigil. As she nodded off, Asuka's last image was of Misato sitting next to her, gazing out over the ocean as the sun set behind them.  
  
  
That night he came to her in a dream.  
  
  
"Asuka, can you here me?"  
  
  
"Shinji, Shinji is that you?" Asuka hesitantly called out, still unsure of what was happening.   
  
  
"Yes, it's me," the voice returned.  
  
  
"I'm so glad to finally talk to you. "   
  
  
Asuka peered around in the darkness, searching for the source of his voice. "But where exactly are you?"  
  
  
"I'm everywhere...and nowhere. I am in your dream."  
  
  
Asuka frantically twisted and turned trying to find him. She noticed that this world had no light, no up or down, it was as if she was suspended, yet nothing held her.   
  
  
"Where are you, I need to see you again!" she cried.  
  
  
"Wait a minute." Slowly Shinji's image materialized in front of her.   
  
  
"There, how's that?" he said with a smile although his voice sounded labored.  
  
  
She returned his smile, "much better. You sound like you're in pain...are you alright?" The stress in his voice had been evident.   
  
  
"I...it's taking everything I have left to make this image for you...I don't have much time." Shinji groaned, his image seemed to dim and then brighten again.  
  
  
Her smile now gone, Asuka's face portrayed a look of concern as she spoke. "Oh Shinji, stop if it's too hard, I don't need to see you that bad...you can just talk to me, that will be enough."  
  
  
"No, I'll be okay, " he replied and then paused for a moment, his face dropping to a frown, "besides, this will probably be the last time we'll be able to see one another again...even if it's only in a dream."  
  
  
Asuka's jaw dropped as she shivered in fear.   
  
  
"What do you mean, the last time? Come on Shinji you have to fight, you have to come back...I need you!" Asuka took a moment to catch her breath, bringing her trembling hand to her mouth in anticipation of the tears.   
  
  
"I can't go on without you, " she whispered as the tears began to flow in earnest. She dropped her head and continued to sob.   
  
  
She felt his hand reach up and caress her cheek, lifting her head so he could look her in the eyes.  
  
  
"Please don't cry, I hate to see you in pain, " Shinji winced as he grew a bit dimmer. "I need to talk to you before I go."  
  
  
Asuka fought back any new tears as she wiped the old ones from her face, if her Shinji did not want to see her cry, then she damn well wasn't going to disappoint him. Within a moment she had composed herself to the degree that she reluctantly pressed on.   
  
  
"Shinji, tell me why...why won't you come back?"  
  
  
"I've tried, you have to believe me," he started, then paused as his head dropped. "But it's just too hard. All I can feel is their loneliness and fear."  
  
  
Asuka listened to his words and began shaking her head, "but you're here, right here in front of me...if you keep trying you can make it back!"  
  
  
Shinji picked up his head and smiled as he listened to her pleas.   
  
  
"You never knew when to quit, did you?"   
  
  
He took a deep breath before continuing. "For you I will keep trying...I'll never stop as long as your memory exists here," he said as he pointed to his heart. "But you must understand it has taken everything I had left inside of me just to come to you, for this brief moment in your dream."   
  
  
Upon hearing these words, she abandoned her promise and started to cry again as he continued, "I think that soon I the truth in my heart will be completely obscured. I will be lost forever."  
  
  
"No, don't say things like that, don't give up...the Invincible Shinji never loses!" she screamed, the pain of the words evident in her expression.  
  
  
Shinji grimaced in pain as his image faded a bit more. "Asuka, please don't cry...I don't want my last memory of you to be like this."  
  
  
Asuka tried her best to remain composed but she found herself losing the battle as she sobbed quietly.   
  
  
He edged over to her and carefully placed his arm over her shoulder and pulled her tightly against him. His presence seemed to give her the strength to ask the question that had haunted her for the past two days.  
  
  
"Why Shinji?"  
  
  
The question was not unexpected on his part. He knew she would ask it and he also knew his answer. He prayed she would understand his reasons.   
  
  
"I just couldn't allow anyone to suffer if there was something I could do about it. Like the time when I jumped into Mount Asama to save you or when I returned to NERV to battle the Fourteenth." He paused for a moment to catch his breath. "I can't allow the people I care about to be hurt if there is something I can do about it."   
  
  
"But you didn't have to do this for me. I wasn't in pain because we were alone. I told you I wanted you to be all mine. It would have been just fine if it were only the two of us."  
  
  
Shinji smiled, although she was still hunched over and couldn't see it.   
  
  
"I know, but if I didn't try, the guilt would have destroyed me. The darkness returning."  
  
  
"I still don't understand, I thought you wanted to be with me forever...am I so worthless to you that you chose them over me?"  
  
  
He continued to hold her, watching her convulse with each sob, her head hung low and her hair covering her face. It genuinely pained him to see her like this and for a moment he regretted entering her dream and causing this much hurt.   
  
  
He strengthened his resolve however, as he remembered the reasons he needed to speak to her this one last time.   
  
  
"You are not worthless. I never chose them over you. Whether it was my image of you, or actually you, some part of you in Third Impact helped me make the correct choice. You saved me from myself. It was you who kept me going, gave me a reason to hope. You are as much a part of saving the world as me, if not more. I had to complete the circle, otherwise this would have been for nothing."   
  
  
Shinji winced in pain as his image faded yet again, by now he was barely visible.  
  
  
Noticing him flinch, Asuka slowly picked her head up and turned to face him. "Please, Shinji, it can't end this way."  
  
  
Shinji carefully pushed the hair out of her face and smiled, trying to ease her pain.   
  
  
"I still have so much I want to say...please don't have any regrets. Nothing you did made me choose this path. I made this choice. I knew that I might not be able to return. I wish I could to spend more time with you...but it appears destiny won't allow it. I will always cherish the memories of us, the good and the bad, for as long as I live."  
  
  
"Please don't remember the bad memories Shinji, I...I was so stupid back then, always teasing you, pushing you away. Burying my true feelings. Please don't dredge up those memories again...you won't want to come back to me."  
  
  
"Asuka, even the bad memories make me happy because I was with you." Shinji took another deep breath, summoning the courage to finish his task.   
  
  
"Listen Asuka, I need you to promise me that you will move on. Forget all about this and live a long and happy life."  
  
  
The girl shook her head violently back and forth, attempting to block his words. "Stop talking like that, it's like you're giving up...don't give up on me!"  
  
  
Shinji clenched his fists and pressed on, determined to deliver his message. "Someday you will find someone, settle down and have a family...you'll make a great mother, even if you don't believe it."  
  
  
"Stop this Shinji...this is NOT happening...no, everything is going to work out and you're going to come back to me...Don't you understand, I don't want anybody else, I want you!"  
  
  
Shinji seemed to smile, although by now his image was but an outline so it was hard to tell.  
  
  
"Stubborn to the bitter end... Third Impact was meant as a wake up call to all of us. Show us what is important in life. Give mankind another chance at paradise. Don't let this gift go unused and wasted, find something in your life to give it a purpose and find your happiness."   
  
  
The remaining image of Shinji disappeared in front of the girl's eyes, but his final words echoed throughout the void.   
  
  
"I am sorry that my leaving caused you so much pain. You were never second in my thoughts or deeds. Never. But always remember why I did this and that...I love you."  
  
  
"No, Shinji!" she screamed before dropping her head in obvious grief.   
  
  
"Please don't leave me," she whimpered.  
  
  
"He is gone now."   
  
  
Asuka looked up to see images of Rei and Kaworu standing in front of her.   
  
  
"He is beyond the reach of even your dreams, " Kaworu continued as Rei simply stared at the redhead, her face emotionless as her companion spoke.   
  
  
"He is back in the world of lost souls, the world without AT fields."  
  
  
Rei finally decided to speak, "Ikari is unable to return, he the truth within his heart is hidden due to his interaction with the others. He has no hope left by which to find that truth."   
  
  
Asuka swore that she saw a frown appear on Rei's face as she finished. "What will happen to him?"   
  
  
"He will continue to exist. Alone, memories his only companion...until they fade into nothingness," Rei replied.  
  
  
As painful as Rei's description was, Asuka still pressed on, her question not answered, "and what will happen to him once his memories have faded?"  
  
  
This time Asuka was sure she could see both of them frown before Kaworu answered.  
  
  
"Once his memories have left him, the being known as Shinji Ikari will cease to exist."  
  
  
"He will die?"  
  
  
"No, a human soul is eternal, it can never die. When a soul has decided to release itself from the memories of it's past existence, it will move on to the Hall of Gauf with the others until it is needed again on Earth."  
  
  
"So Shinji can come back that way, right?"  
  
  
"Yes and no, the new life will possess the qualities and traits of Shinji Ikari because those are part of the soul, but without the memories and life experiences of him, it will not be Shinji Ikari, he will be gone forever."   
  
  
Kaworu's words cut through Asuka's heart like a knife, her agony evident in her facial expression.  
  
  
After taking a moment to build her rage, Asuka finally lashed out at the duo.   
  
  
"Why won't you do something to help him! What's wrong with the two of you! Don't you see, he gave everything to save these people and you're going to stand there and tell me he's gone forever!"  
  
  
"Asuka, " Kaworu started, "you have to understand that there is nothing either of us can do, it's beyond even our abilities to return him. Rei and I cannot help him to return, we cannot provide the hope he requires to rediscover the truth within his heart."  
  
  
Asuka's frustration became unmistakable as she spoke.   
  
  
"As I see it, if he can't return on his own and your not going to help him, then how is he going get back here? Don't sit there and tell me there's nothing you can do. For God's sake don't you realize he's going to be alone in there. Desperately clinging to those few memories he has left in an effort to keep his identity. Don't you understand what a horrible fate that is! He doesn't deserve that, there has to be something you can do!"  
  
  
"Ikari knew the risks before he ventured forth, he knew this possible outcome."  
  
  
Rei hung her head as Kaworu spoke, "there truly is nothing that we can do, his fate is no longer in our hands."  
  
  
The images of Rei and Kaworu slowly faded from sight as Asuka screamed.  
  
  
"NO!"  
  
  
  
  
To be continued...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Authors Notes:  
  
Well, just a couple of loose ends to wrap up, mainly when are Shigeru and Maya coming back from Tokyo-2 and I will be finished with the fic.  
One of my prereaders asked me how I could write such a dark fic, especially after I told him I didn't think it was dark. I'll say it again, this is NOT a darkfic. I mean come on I've saved millions of people, what difference should it make if ONE 15 year old kid doesn't return and ONE 15 year old girl is upset about it. I say 15 because I always figured the series lasted at least a year so they both should be 15. Anyway back to the point, I ask that you wait until the final chapter before judging whether this fic is dark or not; then you can kill me. Again, all the thanks in the world to my prereaders, Random1377, 20eva and Rhine. As much as I tried, there are a few paragraphs that are all Rhine, I just couldn't change them, they were too good. You can tell his stuff, it's the sections that seem out of place because they are so good.   
  
  



	7. How Could You Go, When You Know How I Ne...

Nergal Fan Fiction LLC 

Nergal Fan Fiction LLC 

A division of Nergal Heavy Industries proudly presents:

NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: RENAISSANCE

Chapter Seven (True) "HOW COULD YOU GO, WHEN YOU KNOW HOW I NEED YOU" 

by Ryoma

Misato sighed as she gazed up at the girl sitting on the dune, looking intently out over the expanse of ocean before her. Recreating the same pose she held the previous two days, the Second Child spent all of her waking hours on the lofty perch. Her vigil broken only by Misato's constant queries about the dream.

Selfishly, Misato felt relieved the girl chose to keep the burden of his words to herself. She didn't want to face the truth, and as long as the redheadheld it tightly within herself, the Major was able to live the dream.

As cliché as it sounded, all dreams truly must come to an end and unfortunately for those involved, Misato knew that time had come. 

She stared down at the sand as all around her people scurried about, breaking down and cleaning up the camp that had been their home for the past four days.

The Major stood frozen, her mind contemplating some combination of words and phrases to ease what she knew would be the impossible task of convincing her charge to also surrender the dream.

Misato continued to ponder her choices, blocking out the excited chatter of the other members of the party. Shigeru's and Maya's return the day before brought the welcome news that Tokyo-2 was indeed still standing and quite full of activity. And since their return the atmosphere on the beach lightened as a party-like feeling swept through the group.

The world would in fact survive Third Impact. Mankind proving it was worthy of a second chance at paradise.

In stark contrast to the jovial atmosphere, two members of the band grew more and more upset as the time drew closer for them to leave. Clutching her cross for strength, Misato decided to no longer delay the inevitable as she slowly trudged up the dune to confront Asuka Langley Sohryu. 

And wake her from her dream.

Misato sat down silently next to her, matching her gaze out over the now-blue ocean. The sun shone brightly directly overhead, Asuka's hair casting shadows over her sunburned face. 

With a deep breath, Misato began, "Well...Asuka...we're almost ready to leave for Tokyo-2 now." Glancing over and noting no sign of acknowledgement from the girl, she pressed on, "Um...Makoto's got the truck all loaded up and..." 

She would never finish.

"I'm not going!" Asuka bellowed, her gaze never breaking.

Misato pulled her knees up tight to her chest. She had after all she expected this response. Ever since Shigeru and Maya's return, Asuka made it clear in no uncertain words that there were only two ways in which she would leave. 

One involved a coffin, and the second involved walking hand in hand with a certain blue-eyed pilot upon his return.

Much to Misato's dismay, nothing over the course of the previous night seemed to lessen Asuka's resolve on this issue. 

"Asuka, what happened...in your dream...I need to know."

Asuka slowly turned to face her, locking onto her eyes and searching them for the slightest hint of insincerity. 

Satisfied, she released her burden on the only other person on the planet she remotely trusted.

"He told me...he couldn't come back...he told me to move on..." she stammered, her voice pausing in-between sobs. "He's going to be...trapped all alone...until he just fades away."

Misato instinctively pulled her into an embrace as she continued to weep. Shecouldn't help but join her as the true fate of her other child was fully realized. Pulling Asuka in as tight possible, she hoped to ease some of the former pilot's pain. 

"I'm sorry Asuka, so very sorry," was all Misato could muster in her feeble attempt at consolation.

Asuka paused for a moment, then pushed herself free of the embrace.

"Feeling sorry doesn't help, Misato!" she started, her voice suddenly full of rage. 

Misato reached out, but Asuka backed away as she stood. 

"No, I don't need your goddamn help. I can do this without help from you or anyone else. Just stay the hell out of my way!"

She pushed past Misato and stormed away to the shoreline below.

Misato sighed deeply as she pulled her knees up to her body. Although Asuka wouldn't believe it, she empathized with the younger girl's plight, she herself reacted in the same manner when Shinji was absorbed by the Dirac Sea and again by Unit 01. She understood the sense of frustration and prayed that the Second Child would realize that indeed she felt the same emotions. A single tear fell to the sand as Misato suffered over the current state of her two children.

---------

"Status report!"

Misato called out to Makoto and Maya as she observed them walking back into view. After her failure to console Asuka earlier, Misato found herself inadvertently slipping more and more into the role with which she was most comfortable, NERV Operations Director. 

Makoto glanced at Maya, who could only shrug her shoulders over the sudden return to military protocol. Unable to determine the best course of action, they too reverted into familiar roles.

"LieutenantsHyuga and Ibuki reporting in Major," Makoto replied while they both snapped to attention.

Misato cringed as the realization sunk in that Major Katsuragi had resurfaced. 

"Oh damn, sorry about that."

The apology produced a look of relief on the two officer's faces. After an awkward pause, Makoto saved the Major from further embarrassment. 

"Shigeru, Subcommander Futyuski and the Section 4 team took the first truck and left about 15 minutes ago. The remaining vehicle is loaded and ready to leave," he said in his standard military tone before softening for the ending, "...whenever you are."

"Very good...thanks."

The two young lieutenants smiled and stood awaiting the actual order to finally leave the remnants of Tokyo-3 once and for all.

An order that would never come as Misato frowned and turned away.

"Maj...Misato, what's the matter?" Maya whispered, "are you okay?"

Misato turned toward them, her face showing the full weight of her situation. She forced a slight smile before answering. 

"I wish it was me." 

She slowly turned, gazing out at the distant sight of a young woman, standing in the surf, still desperately searching.

Maya followed Misato's stare until she too caught sight of Asuka. "Oh, I forgot...in all the excitement the past few days...I guess I sort of..."

"It's not your fault," Misato started, putting her arm around the younger woman who hung her head in self imposed shame. "If anybody should be ashamed, it's me...I'm the one who let her down."

She placed her hand on Maya's chin and slowly picked her head up. Upon seeing her smile, Maya returned it before they both resumed watching the distant red head. After a few moments of observation Maya broke the silence. 

"What are you going to do? Are we going to stay and give her more time?"

Sensing an opportunity to finally participate in the conversation, Makoto joined in. "Yes, if you want us to stay, we will."

Although they sounded sincere, Misato knew the two of them wanted to close this chapter in their lives and move on. Tokyo-2 and the promise of a new future called them, as it also called her. It was all Misato could do to convince everyone to stay the one extra day and it seemed entirely unfair to ask anyone to say longer.

No, there would be no more delays. She would act on her chosen course of action. 

She didn't have to like it though.

"No," she sighed, "we're leaving today."

Maya gasped, "you're not thinking of leaving her here, are you?"

"No."

"So she's decided to come with us?"

Misato shook her head. "No."

Maya and Makoto turned to each other in bewilderment.

Misato answered their unasked question. "Whether she wants to or not, Asuka IS coming with us, even if it's kicking and screaming."

For just a moment, Makoto smirked, never imagining how it could possibly come to that. Glancing over at the seriousness in Misato's eyes, however, he suddenly knew this would not be a laughing matter.

"You two stay here, I'm going to try talking some sense into her, but if that fails..."

"Misato you can't possibly expect us to drag her off, it's...it's horrible."

"Maya, I don't like this anymore than you do, but it's for her own good. If we don't take her with us, she will die here." 

She paused for a moment, her expression becoming even more cold and unforgiving. "I can't do this alone...I don't think even I can hold her down in the state she's bound to get in. I need you both to be strong for her and do what's right."

Reluctantly first Makoto then Maya nodded in agreement.

Misato returned the nod before continuing. "I'll go alone because I don't want to scare her. But if I signal, you both need to come quickly and help me restrain her." Her resolve threatened to crumble as she listened to herself.

"Remember...we are doing this because we love her," she added, more for herself than anyone else.

---------

Asuka sensed Misato's approach. She didn't need to hear footsteps or turn around to know the time had come. Based on the events of the previous days, this was the logical conclusion to the situation, the moment wasnow at hand. Following her years of military tactics training, Asuka fired first.

"Save your breath. I told you I'm not leaving without him!"

Based on the initial volley fired, Misato knew this would be an all out war. "Please Asuka, you're not thinking rationally...if he could come back, don't you think he'd be here by now?"

"Just go. You don't need me. I'll be just fine."

"Not an option. We are all leaving together, ALL of us."

"Well since someone isn't here yet, I guess we're staying." Asuka followed her statement with a sarcastic smile.

Misato however was not amused. "I don't see anything funny in this situation, Asuka. It's hard enough to deal with Shinji's loss, don't make me lose you too."

"He's NOT lost!" Asuka screamed. "He can come back as long as he knows I'm here waiting." 

She paused as her voice dropped to a whisper. "Please Misato, don't make me leave. You have to trust me, I just know that as long as I'm here, he has a chance. But if I give up and leave..."

Misato listened intently to her words. What if the girl was right? What if she was the last hope for his return? She felt her resolve waver again. Would one more night prove the difference? This could be the night he returned.

The hope within her heart struggled to escape as she gazed into Asuka's pleading eyes.

Violently Misato turned away, her rational side gaining a hard won victory. As much as she wanted to believe in his return, at some point in every rescue attempt you reach a point when you have to call off the search. That time was now and whether the girl understood that or not didn't matter. The dream was over.

"Asuka," she started while turning to face her, "that's a nice belief, but you shouldn't try to accept all the guilt over his loss...he made the decision on his own. You need to move on." Misato reached out to embrace her. 

Interpreting the move as hostile, Asuka jumped back away from her. "Don't touch me!"

"I only want to help you," Misato said as she reached for Asuka's arms in an effort to calm the obviously agitated former pilot.

"I said stay away from me!" she screamed while pulling her arms out of the Major's grasp. "You're not taking me away!"

Noticing the intensifying situation between the two, Maya and Makoto ran up beside Misato. Asuka started slowly backing away from the three adults.

"Stay away from me!" she screamed as Misato, Maya and Makoto inched forward, trying to close the gap.

"I said stay back!" Asuka bellowed while balling her hands into fists as she felt the waves brush against her bare feet. 

"Shinji…Shinji help me!" she cried out in vain.

Further retreat blocked by the water, she grit her teeth and prepared for battle. 

Misato held her arm out, indicating for her companions to halt their advance. Asuka simply stared at her for a moment, her eyes full of fire and rage. Holding her attention for just a painful second, she quickly moved on to the other two. Never taking her eyes off any of the three, she constantly scanned for any attempt by any of them to close the distance further.

The caged animal look in Asuka was frightening Misato as she spoke in a reassuring voice. "Calm down...you're not thinking straight."

How wrong Misato was, Asuka mused to herself. She hadalready developed a plan for her escape, the key to which stood fivefeet in front of her. 

Maya Ibuki. 

The smallest and weakest, therefore she would be the one to fall. Hopefully in the resulting confusion Asuka's escape could be assured. Not that she wanted to hurt the poor woman, but desperate times...

"Asuka, look at me!" the violet haired woman called, demanding her immediate attention. This situation was spiraling out of control and she needed to stop it. 

"Maya, Makoto please…give us a moment.

Makoto looked to Maya, who could only manage a bewildered shrug.

Silently they stepped back, leaving Misato and Asuka alone.

"Asuka, I love you like a daughter and I can't bare to see you like this."

The Second Child slightly nodded as Misato continued.

"I don't want to hurt you, but understand that we are leaving...ALL of us."

Asuka took a deep breath, her face beginning to boil in rage. Misato cut her off before she even spoke.

"Wait," she said, holding her hand up and turning away. "You seehow serious I am about this. Rest assured you WILL be coming with us."

Again Asuka prepared to speak, raising her hand and pointing at the older woman.

"Just let me finish Asuka." Misato turned back and stepped towards the girl, who instinctively backed away. "I don't know what happened between you and Shinji...but it's obvious you care a great deal for him."

Misato watched the tentative nod from the girl. 

"I'll give you five minutes...no more, no less."

Asuka watched as Misato slowly walked away, soon joining the others down the beach. Just before turning back towards the sea, she saw Misato lower her head and begin to cry on Maya's shoulder.

---------

"Well, Shinji I failed you after all. I can't put Misato through this...I know you wouldn't want me to hurt her anymore."

Given the amount of crying she did the past days, the tears didn't come easy anymore. Not that the feelings weren't there, physically she was empty. Content to simply hang her head, Asuka stared down in reflection as somewhere in the back of her mind, the seconds ticked away while images whipped through her mind...

Her first impression of him on the Over the Rainbow, sync training, Mount Asama mission, the ramen stand, Dirac Sea, the kiss, the battle with the Fourteenth, awakening on the beach, the night in the tent, the time on the bridge, their trip to the beach...his smiling face in the dream.

One by one her mind revisited each of these memories, her face alternating between a smile and a frown. Her eyes never straying from their steady gaze as the white sand below provided the perfect movie screen.

The sun slowly set behind her as a warm breeze pushed the few small clouds in the sky. Not a sound could be heard, apart from the rhythmic crashing of the waves. It truly was a beautiful sight, if she were here to enjoy it. But she was still in the past, in another place and time, her mind blocking out everything around her. 

Slowly she closed her eyes as the dream replayed in her mind.

'Some part of you in Third Impact forced me to make the correct choice.'

'He will be gone forever.'

'You saved me from myself.'

'There is nothing either of us can do.'

'You are as much a part of saving this world as me.'

'His fate is not in our hands.'

'Remember why I did this...I love you!'

"I love you too," Asuka whispered as she opened her eyes and raised her head. A broad smile formed on her face as she finally spoke the words she feared her entire life.

The weight lifted, she turned and looked to the distant trio, locking on Misato and slightly nodding her head.

The older woman returned the smile before Asuka turned again to the sea.

"I am ready."

---------

Misato finally stopped crying. Maya slowly released her grip as she pushed away, her composure regained.

"Thank you Maya."

The young girl blushed a bit as out of the corner of her eye Misato noticed a very lonely looking Makoto slide closer.

"Thank you both. I realize this can't be easy on either of you."

"What do you think?" Maya quizzed.

"I don't know...I told her she had five minutes to say goodbye."

"What will we do it she still wants to stay?" Makoto offered.

"You will know in about a minute," came the flat reply.

Silently she prayed that Asuka wouldn't push the issue anymore. The pain of Shinji's loss still filled her heart. There just wasn't room for any more pain.

In the distance, Misato saw the girl stare at her with a smile. Sighing a breath of relief, she returned the broad grin with one of her own.

"Thank God," she spoke while turning to face the other two. "It's going to be alright. She finally came to her senses."

---------

"Why?"

The images of Rei and Kaworu floated effortlessly above the water just in front of her.

"I need you to bring me to Shinji."

"For what purpose?" Rei returned.

"To be with him. To help him."

"Why?"

Kaworu smiled to Rei and floated closer to Asuka, who appeared about ready to explode.

"You will have to excuse my companion...she is not as adroit at conversation as myself."

Asuka nodded, her face forming a slight smile.

"Why do you want to go to him?"

"He's alone. I want to help him."

"What makes you think you can help?"

"You said it yourself, his fate is not in his own hands. His fate rests with the person he chose during Third Impact...his fate rests with me."

"So you remember now?"

Asuka again nodded her head before speaking. "I guess I suppressed those memories. That's something I'm far too good at."

"So you are," Kaworu said with a smile. "But I must warn you, we cannot help you."

"I understand."

"And there are no guarantees either of you will return."

Asuka returned a slight nod, though somewhat reluctantly.

Kaworu frowned as he started to speak once again. "There is also the very real chance you will not find him. That world is an infinitely large place. You may very well search for an eternity and never find him."

Asuka's expression fell as a wave of fear and doubt swept over her body.

This was the decision that would affect her the rest of her life. The stakes were now clearly laid out on the table before her. Walk away and live a long life on Earth, or try to find him and risk never returning.

Slowly she lifted her head as a smile grew on her face. 

"Mount Asama."

"Excuse me?" Kaworu replied, a perplexed look on his face.

"Mount Asama...I guess that's when I realized I was falling for him. When he risked his life to save me."

"Oh."

"I told you before, I'm ready...it's time to go save that little jerk!"

Kaworu smiled and slowly floated back next to Rei. Asuka closed her eyes, waiting for something to happen.

After a few moments, she slowly opened them again.

"I said I'm ready, let's go."

Kaworu slightly shrugged his shoulders as Asuka's gaze shifted to Rei.

"WHAT!"

"Why?" came the familiar response.

"Because I want to help him!"

"Why?"

This was becoming pointless, Asuka thought, what was Wondergirl getting at.

"I need him!"

"Why?"

Asuka felt ready to explode. In front of her was the image of a person she always hated, asking her the same stupid question over and over again. What answer would make her happy? What answer was she looking for? Asuka though of this for a moment before pressing on.

"I LOVE HIM, THAT'S WHY!" she shouted.

"That will do."

---------

Misato started into a dead sprint the moment she saw Rei and Kaworu appear with Asuka. Not bothering to tell her companions why, she immediately started running toward the trio. 

Losing Shinji would haunt her for the rest of her life, losing Asuka would kill her.

"Asuka, get away from them...NO!" she screamed as her vision was robbed by the intense light forming at her desired destination.

Her primary source of direction and balance lost, Misato stumbled and fell well short of her goal. Still unable to look at the blinding light, she remained on her hands and knees with her head hung down, purple hair covering her face. Tightly she gripped the cold sand, feeling the grains slip through her fingers.

Suddenly it was gone, the light once as bright as the sun disappeared in the blink of an eye.

She didn't bother to look up, instead choosing to watch the tears roll off her cheeks, impacting on the ground below. 

Why expend the energy to pick up her head? She already knew what happened. Asuka was gone.

Makoto and Maya ran up behind the sobbing Misato and knelt down beside her.

"What the hell just happened?" yelled Makoto as Maya wrapped her arms around Misato's waist resting her head on the older woman's back. 

"Where's Asuka?"

"S...she's...gone," Misato stammered out in between sobs.

"Gone?" Makoto returned as he scanned up and down the beach.

"Gone where, Misato?" Maya started, still holding on tightly.

Misato paused for a moment, then stood up and stepped away from the two former lieutenants. She simply remained there, her back to them gazing at Asuka's last earthly location. Soonit became apparent to them she was wiping tears from her eyes. Makoto was about to ask the question again when he felt Maya grab his arm. Looking over she simply shook her head.

Finally Misato turned and faced the duo.

"You two can leave now…I won't be joining you."

"If you're going to stay, then we will stay too," Maya retorted.

"No. I want to be alone."

Before either one could respond, Misato abruptly turned and walked away. 

Makoto whispered to Maya. "What do we do? We can't to stay any longer."

"I know."

"She did say to leave. Won't she get more upset if we stay?"

"Listen, take the truck to Tokyo-2 as planned. Try to find the others, grab some supplies and get back down here as fast as you can."

"What are you going to do while I'm gone?"

Maya took a moment to clear her dry throat. "Try to keep the Major from killing herself..."

---------

Floating.

No that wasn't the right word to explain this feeling, Asuka thought. To float would imply that there was some type of substance, a medium providing support. This was different, she was surrounded by nothing. No liquid, no gas...quite simply this world was complete and utter emptiness.

Yet with this condition came one unmistakable advantage. 

Complete and utter freedom.

Unencumbered with such earthly constraints as up and down, left and right, Asuka started her quest.

This shouldn't take long. I'll find that idiot and get us out of here. 

Soon a smile appeared on her face.

Yes...this won't take long at all.

--------- 

"I thought I told you to leave!" 

Misato yelled toward the pile of rubble just off the in the distance. She sat next to the remnants of the fire, willing flames to appear and drive the chill that swept over her. With sunset approaching the air grew increasingly colder and just enough of a breeze rolled in to make her life even more uncomfortable. The person spying on her from a distance did nothing to lighten her mood.

Maya majored in computer science in college, with a minor in biology. She never served in the military so sneaking around covertly wasn't something that she was remotely good at. That fact was painfully obvious as she stood behind the aforementioned pile of rubble. Cautiously she peered around a large slab of concrete. 

Misato didn't bother to look up, instead continuing to poke at the ashes of the fire, searching in desperation for an active ember.

"If you aren't going to leave then at least come over here and help me with this fire...it's getting cold out."

Maya nodded before realizing that Misato still wasn't looking. 

"Y...yes," she stammered while stepping out and slowly walking over to the older woman.

"Here," Maya started, sticking her hand out just in front of Misato's face. The Major sat with a puzzled look on her face before Maya rolled her hand over revealing a cigarette lighter.

"Thanks."

"I'll get some firewood and have this thing going in no time."

Misato could only manage a slight nod as Maya turned and walked away.

---------

Maya dropped another log on the fire. Not that she was cold or that the flames threatened to burn out. In reality the heat generated by the already over stoked flames had twice caused her to move back. Judging by the instant increase in temperature, another retreat was imminent.

She placed this log on for the same reasons she placed all the others. 

To prove that she was still alive. 

For hours now she stared into the dancing flames, searching for something, anything that could be used as a bridge to reach the despondent woman sitting next to her. 

Perhaps subconsciously she hoped the intense heat of the flames would melt the barriers cast up in front of her. Misato had said nothing to her for hours, instead watching the hypnotic glow of the embers as they pulsated with each passing breeze.

"I think that's enough."

Maya jumped. She was not prepared for the sound of another's voice as it broke the endless droll of the crackling and hissing of the fire. She quickly collected herself to respond.

"Oh...sorry about that. I got a little carried away."

"It's okay."

Maya nodded and continued to stare at Misato. The young woman's eye's screamed for more, anything further. Receiving no additional response, Maya broke the gaze and resumed watching the fire. 

Her hands clenched and shook as she chided herself for not taking advantage of that small opportunity. Why did she have to be so weak? Her disgust started to be displaced by growing anger. She needed to help Misato, she needed to be stronger.

"Thank you for staying with me."

Maya let out an audible sigh of relief as Misato presented her with another opportunity. 

"Can you tell me what happened?"

Misato watched her feet as they dug deep into the sand, the cool sensation providing a contrast to the heat felt by the rest of her body. She fidgeted a bit, pretending to get more comfortable. It wasn't going to be easy, she thought, but if she didn't open up now...

Looking up at Maya, her eyes were filled with long repressed tears. 

"I loved them, and I never showed it. I was too afraid. Too scared. Too wrapped up in my own problems. Unwilling to help them when they needed it the most." 

She brought her hands to her face, wiping away the torrent of tears. "I wasn't a guardian, I was a joke."

"You are being too hard on yourself." 

"No, I'm not. I sent them out to fight my battles, my demons. What the hell is wrong with me?"

"You were only following orders. The future of the world was at stake."

"What kind of world uses children to fight its wars?" 

Maya hung her head in shame as Misato continued. "I get sick just thinking about all the things I did to them. The worst part is, at the time I only cared about killing the Angels."

Maya walked over and sat down beside the weeping older woman. Placing an arm around her shoulder, Maya found the strength to pull her tight. 

"You were only following the Commander's orders, you can't keep blaming yourself."

"No...that's an excuse. I used those kids as much as Ikari did. I used them to get my revenge on the Angels. I can't blame them for leaving me. I've done nothing to earn their love. I have to prove that I do love them both."

"And if they don't return?"

Misato pulled out ofthe embrace and stood. After a moment of reflection Misato turned and faced the young woman. 

"I though once the Angels were defeated, I could repent formy sins and make amends. I guess that was my plan all along, asking forgiveness after the war was won. Well, I was wrong...if they don't return, it will haunt me for the rest of my life."

---------

She was moving. She must be moving.

Yet with no landmarks or points of reference, how could she be sure? Still she pressed on continuing her pursuit of the elusive pilot. 

Her heart raced as she finally saw a figure in the distance. His back was to her so she could not make out if it was Shinji or not. Even if it wasn't him, finding another person in the void was uplifting. Coming up rapidly behind him, Asuka grabbed his shoulders and spun the figure around.

Gazing back at her were two eyes. Eyes devoid of any emotion, any feelings at all. They simply stared inward, oblivious to her presence. Silently she screamed as suddenly his vision became hers.

Asuka felt her fists throb as she punched her wife, watching the battered woman sob for her to stop before Asuka released another savage fury. 

Try as she might, Asuka could do nothing to stop the pain, these events had long since been played out.

This memory was his gift to her. This was a gift she could neither refuse nor return.

After a few more painful moments, she was finally able to break free. 

Moving away quickly, Asuka looked down at her balled up hands, imagining them covered in blood as the screaming wife's image was etched into her mind. 

She continued on her journey, wiping the tears from her eyes. Asuka knew this visit to someone's purgatory wouldn't be the last. In front of her thousands of figures appeared in the distance. 

Her determination wavered just a bit as she stopped and observed the huge crowd. With a deep breath she pressed on toward the heart of the mass...

---------

Misato slowly opened her eyes. Looking up she blinked rapidly adjusting to the light as she watched the few puffy white clouds break the endless sea of blue. Another morning had arrived.

And still no dream.

It was almost comical, she thought, excusing herself to go to sleep the moment the sun dipped below the horizon. She hadn't gone to sleep this early in twenty-five years. She never really had a good reason to until now.

Dreams might be the last chance to say goodbye to her children.

"Misato...Misato." 

The violet haired woman sat up, squinting while searching for the source of the voice. It sounded strangely familiar. In the distance she could see a young girl running towards her, sand spraying up from each stride.

Her heart leapt as she jumped up, holding her hand up against her forehead as a visor to block the sun. Maya ran up next to her, mimicking her pose as the two women gazed toward the approaching figure.

As the girl finally got close enough to distinguish her features, Maya did not recognize her, but the lack of flowing red hair immediately eliminated a certain Eva pilot. Glancing over she saw the expression drop on Misato's face, a slight frown replacing the hopeful smile.

The girl ran up and silently threw her arms around Misato into a strong embrace. Maya watched curiously as Misato's frown eased, her disappointment abating as the girl continued to hold on for dear life.

"Hikari, what are you doing here?" 

The young Miss Horaki waited a moment before releasing her grip and stepped back to look the older woman in the eye.

"Well Misato…um," Hikari stopped with an embarrassed blush. "I'm sorry, Major Katsuragi I…"

"Wait," she said stopping the young girl. "Please don't call me Major Katsuragi anymore, it's Misato."

"Yes," Hikari added with a nod before resuming her story. "We were in Tokyo-2 and everyone was celebrating and stuff...but to us it just didn't feel right." She chose this moment to look down and observe the sunlight sparkling off a few grains of sand at her feet. She pushed them aside with her bare feet.

"So we started walking down here...to find out what happened."

"You keep saying we...who else is with you?"

Hikari's head rose revealing a cute little blush on her freckled cheeks. "Touji, Kensuke and myself. The going was slow with Touji'scrutches and all, but he was determined to come with us."

Misato smiled causing a deeper blush to form.

"It was mostly his idea. He said we had to come find our friends, so we started off two days ago. As luck would have it Makoto noticed us walking on the road and recognized us."

"Luck," Misato whispered while turning away. "Fate would be a better choice of words." 

She gazed out toward the glistening sea, watching the waves slowly advance and break on the shore, pushing foam far up the beach before retreating again. Fate was calling everyone here for a reason, perhaps there was still hope.

Realizing that she was completely ignoring Hikari, she turned around and again faced the former class rep. "Where are they? I haven't seen either of them in a long time. I sure hope Touji's making out okay."

Hikari smiled and nodded as she pointed to the entrance to the beach. "He's fine. This sand and debris makes it tough to walk, so the others are helping him."

"Others...who else is here?"

"Let's see there's me, Touji, Kensuke, Makoto, Shigeru something and some old guy...I think his name is Futyuski." Misato nodded allowing Hikari to continue, "and a bunch of people that I don't know just sort of followed us here. It's kind of…weird."

Misato smiled as the figure of Maya caught the corner of her eye. "Oh, I'm sorry...Hikari Horaki this is Maya Ibuki. Maya this is Hikari."

Both bowed slightly and smiled politely at one another.

Soon all three were gazing toward the beach entrance, eagerly awaiting the first glimpse signaling the arrival of the others. A slight breeze passed between them as each squinted to block the sun.

"I know what happened to Shinji and Asuka," Hikari whispered to Misato.

"How?"

"Makoto told us...do you think..."

"It's only temporary," Misato interjected. "They'll be back soon."

Hikari slowly turned to face her. "Is there anything we can do?"

Misato forced a smile and nodded knowingly. 

"Hopefully just being here is enough."

---------

The pain was becoming unbearable. Try as she might, Asuka could not avoid the images and feelings passed on to her from the others. As she moved amongst the crowds of tortured souls, each shared with her pain and loneliness from their previous life. 

Asuka could feel her resolve start to falter. She learned to deal with her own pain and loneliness, it didn't seem fair that she would have to experience others too.

She broke free and moved into a small opening in the masses. A frown grew on her face as she gazed out over the thousands upon thousands of lost spirits in every direction. She couldn't even remember which direction she just came from as the images of others pain replayed in her mind.

Maybe it would be better to stay here and avoid any further pain, she thought. Soon however a darker thought entered her mind. 

Perhaps she was always meant to be alone.

---------

The fire burned brightly, embers flying up into the cloudless night sky to join with the countless stars above.A small group of individuals sat surrounding it, laughing and joking with one another as the sake flowed freely. Everyone seemed happy, save the two figures who slowly strode along the beach, waves occasionally lapping at their feet.

"Misato, do you think they will ever return?"

Misato stopped and turned to observe the moon, just rising out over the open ocean.

"I don't know."

Hikari turned and faced Misato, her tear filled eyes glittering in the advancing moonlight.

"What will you do...?"

Misato took a deep breath, dropping her head to watch as a wave crashed over her feet. She watched intently as the foamy water advanced and then froze for a split second before slowly retreating back to the sea. Hikari waited patiently as another wave came and repeated the process.

"Move on, I guess."

Misato looked up into Hikari's eyes. "When Asuka left I was very upset. I thought it was my fault. I thought I was so pathetic that she left me. I wanted to die."

"A...and now?" Hikari hesitantly asked.

"In the past few days I've come to realize that it wasn't Asuka leaving me. No, she went to find Shinji, that's all. She decided that he was more important to her than anything else."

Another wave washed over their feet as a tear fell off Misato's cheek into the advancing ocean below. 

"If it takes me the rest of my life, I will again find someone that important to me."

Hikari nodded and laid her hand on Misato's shoulder.

"It looks to me like you may have found that someone."

Hikari started to turn away, her blush apparent even in the dim moonlight.

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything."

The class rep smiled and nodded as Misato wiped away her remaining tears before unleashing a slight giggle as she heard Touji's drunken yelling in the distance.

"Speak of the devil."

Hikari could only hang her head in obvious embarrassment as she turned in the direction of the fireside celebration.

"TOUJI!" she bellowed, causing Misato to cringe. For a small girl she possessed a powerful set of lungs. 

"Touji Suzahara you'd better not be drinking over there!"

The sound of laughter erupted from the general direction of the campsite as Touji's companions unleashed a chorus of taunts. Kensuke could clearly be heard yelling something about Touji being whipped, and again another set of cheers and ridicule filled the night air.

"Idiots!" Hikari started while turning back facing Misato again. 

"I'm sorry they're acting like this Misato. I don't see how they can laugh and party knowing what happened to Shinji and Asuka."

Misato thought for a moment, her head shaking back and forth as a large smiled appeared on her face. She reached out and grabbed Hikari's shoulder as she spoke. "No Hikari, we've been wrong."

Her reply was the blank stare from the girl as the cool water again rushed past.

"They have it right," she started, motioning in the direction of the clamor. "We should be celebrating. Laughing and having fun. I want them back more than anyone, but standing around moping isn't going to help...Let's show them why they should come back."

---------

Time was an unknown commodity in this world so Asuka couldn't judge how long she waited here. Curled up in a tight ball she sat with her eyes closed, occasionally sobbing as the masses moved silently around her. Apparently she no longer interested them, her gifts to them were more painful then anything they could share with her. Though she finally unburdened herself of the other's nightmares, they rekindled her own long repressed painful images. In her she mind replayed the image of her mother hanging from the ceiling, still clutching the doll she loved so.

The images in her mind suddenly changed. Now she saw herself inside the Unit 02 entry plug, yet it didn't seem quite right. This entry plug sat inside a lab hooked to wires as unfamiliar technicians scurried about. Immediately she could see and hear alarms blare and warning lights flash. These audio and visual sensations were soon replaced by a powerful feeling. 

Pain more intense than anything she ever experienced in the Eva Series battle. Looking at her arms and legs she could see no injuries, yet the agony increased with each heartbeat. 

Closing her eyes she screamed out, the LCL absorbing every sound as she felt her very essence being torn away.

After a few moments the anguish subsided to the point that she was able to again focus on her surroundings. The image before her was unmistakable as she felt herself drifting. Her hands reached out in a futile attempt to grasp anything as she clawed desperately tried to hold on. The woman sat in the entry plug, eyes wide open, yet devoid of life as Asuka slipped farther and farther away.

Finally she was released from the pain. Slowly opening her eyes she smiled as a warm feeling passed throughout her body. Standing in front of her was the woman, this time her eyes full of life as she returned Asuka's smile.

Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu reached out and took her daughter's hands, instantly erasing the sorrow and loneliness. With a slight nod Kyoko suddenly pulled Asuka free from the crowds and whisked her away.

Though she never took her gaze off her mother's smiling face, out of the corner of her eye Asuka could see nothing but a blur as her mother held her hands tightly. Unable to speak, she could only smile back as her mother led her away. 

---------

"Touji, I thought you said you weren't going to drink," Hikari complained as she watched him down another glass.

"No, I said I wouldn't get drunk. It's a party, and besides he's doing it too," Touji responded pointing over to Kensuke who quickly hid the glass behind his back.

Hikari crossed her arms and put on her most sternappearance. "You both know you're not old enough."

"Don't worry about it," Misato interjected as she pulled the sake bottle from her lips. "I drink all the time and nothing bad has ever happened to me." 

Hikari could only roll her eyes as laughter erupted from the crowd.

"What?" came Misato's bewildered reply before she returned the bottle to her lips.

"Class rep, come sit down over here and have a little drink." 

She looked over at Touji who motioned to the opening next to him. Cautiously she sat down as he handed her the bottle.

"Now be careful, this stuff is potent."

"Ok, just one little sip and that's it." 

---------

As suddenly as they started, Kyoko stopped and released Asuka's hands. As her mother still drifted back slowly, Asuka's smile faded. She desperately longed to feel that touch again. She opened her arms and moved toward her mother, who raised a hand causing her to stop. 

For a moment the two stared at one another, before her mother turned to the side, revealing the curled up figure of a young man, his black hair covering much of his face.

Kyoto again nodded slightly and turned to look down at him as Asuka rushed forward and wrapped her arms around Shinji. He was cold to the touch yet she felt the warmth start to return to his body as it flowed from her.

Slowly Shinji started to move as he turned to face her. His eyes blinked a couple of times before finally recognizing Asuka. With a huge grin he threw his arms around her as he tightly embraced her. Looking over his shoulder she watched her mother slowly drift away, the bright smile never leaving her lips. 

Asuka reached out with her hand, just grazing her mother's hand and felt that warm touch for the last time. 

Thank you mama.

When her mother finally disappeared from sight, Asuka turned to face Shinji as she clutched him as hard as she could. She closed her eyes content with the knowledge that she would never be alone again.

*********

The night air was quite pleasant and no hint of a breeze disturbed the thin blades of beach grass. The still calm as broken only by the alcohol fuel revelry that overcame the area. To a passerby it would seem hard to believe that people could be enjoying themselves this much in the rubble that was Tokyo-3. 

Of course those same people didn't know Misato Katsuragi, and when she wanted to have fun, no one was spared.

She finished filling Kensuke's glass, carefully making sure to afford him a nice view of her ample cleavage. Satisfied that he was sufficiently teased, she turned to search out the two that had been her favorite prey all night.

Hikari Horaki and Touji Suzahara.

The aforementioned duo was still blushing from Misato's earlier tormenting and tried desperately to hide behind the flames. Being a master military tactician, Misato hunched down low, reducing her signature as she crept around the fire preparing to resume her all out badgering of the young couple.

Finally spying Misato's stealthy approach, Hikari burrowed her face into Touji's chest. She smiled brightly when she felt Touji's strong arms wrap around her, pulling her tightly against him.

Hearing her giggle in delight, Misato smiled as she saw the look of happiness on Touji's face.

He waited eagerly for another round of Misato's ribbing. 

If Misato only knew, he thought to himself, that all her teasing was only helping his chances with Hikari. A smug grin appeared on his face as Misato stared towards him, her face emotionless as she started to stumble in their general direction.

Touji held his girl tight as Misato picked up the pace, ignoring her sneak attack for what appeared to be an all out frontal assault. Quickly she closed the distance between them.

His jaw dropped as she ran right by him, her eyes never breaking from their fixed gaze on the heavens behind him. 

Hikari sensed that something in the game changed. Slowly she lifted her head up to determine the cause. Turning her head to match her boyfriend's gaze, she immediately discovered the source. 

A new star, or so it seemed, burned brightly in the clear night sky. It's brilliant light easily outshining its distant counterparts. Slowly it faded, it's pure white emanations giving way to two teal green crosses. 

Hanging for just a moment the two began their effortless descent to the Earth below...

---------

The only sound she could hear was the methodical crashing of the waves on the shore. It was the same sound she remembered listening to during her long vigil. Yet this time it seemed more…pleasant.

Asuka slowly opened her eyes and stared up at the gorgeous night sky. Her fingers dug into the cool damp sand before she grasped a large handful. Raising her left hand, she watched as it slowly sifted though her fingers. Clenching and unclenching her fingers she varied the flow until the last grain fell back to Earth.

A slight smile grew as she closed her now empty hand into a fist. Rapidly bringing her fist down she pounded on the sand, ensuring once and for all that her return was complete.

"Mama," she whispered.

Asuka carefully sat up and pulled her knees up into her chest as her strength started to return. Glancing over she noticed the reclined form of Shinji was beginning to stir.

Quickly looking up and down the beach, she found no signs of help.

It seemed again she and Shinji would have to go it alone.

Though still unable to stand, Asuka slid over until she was sitting next to Shinji. She leaned over ensuring that his first sight would be her smiling face.

Opening his eyes first a crack, then a bit more each time he blinked Shinji soon was staring up at Asuka. Her beautiful crimson locks were dangling down to just enough to tickle his nose. Slowly a smile emerged on his face to match hers.

A few moments of unspoken words were exchanged between them as they simply stared into one another's eyes. Asuka gently rocked back and forth to lash Shinji with her hair as her smile transformed to a wry little grin. 

Determined to finally end the incessant brushing on his nose, Shinji struggled up to a sitting position.

"Y...you came for me."

Asuka tried her best to subdue her blush. The cause was lost as she turned away before Shinji could notice. Trying her best to remain in control of her emotions, Asuka recoiled slightly as she felt his arm wrap around her shoulder, pulling her against him. 

"Yeah...well," she started, still unable to face him as her new emotions played havoc with her psyche. "I couldn't leave you there."

Finally gaining enough control that she could safely do so, she turned back to face Shinji. With one smile from him she blushed again.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Again an awkward silence developed between the two as for the next few minutes two pairs of eyes watched the waves crash on the shore in front of them. 

Stealing secret glances at him from time to time, Asuka noted the ease in which Shinji seemed to conduct himself. He was sitting here with his arm around her and yet he didn't act shy or scared. 

He finally determined his next course of action. Slowly he turned and started to lean in towards her. 

Her heart threatened to break out of her chest as she caught her smiling reflection in those deep blue eyes, the realization of what was about to happen setting in. 

Never breaking their gaze, Shinji gently took Asuka's hand and held it within his own.

"Shinji, promise me you will never leave me again."

With a frown Shinji broke the gaze and stared down at her hand as it rested on his.

"I'm sorry," he regretfully started. "It wasn't something I wanted to do…but I had to. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I promise I will never leave you again."

"I guess that's acceptable," Asuka replied with a wicked grin while picking up Shinji's chin with her free hand, again taking in those deep blue eyes. 

"I'll forgive you, but…" she watched as a little life faded from those eyes, "don't ever forget the lengths I will go to drag your sorry ass back if you try to leave me again."

Asuka moved her hand off his chin and slowly slid it around the back of his neck. During the same instant she deliberately positioned her fingers so they became intertwined with his. The moment their fingers were properly aligned she tightly gripped down, his fingers doing the same as their two hands became as one.

Confident that Shinji would be unable to run away from her grasp, Asuka started to slowly pull him toward her. Neither would break the gaze as Asuka gently drew him closer, surprised that he offered no resistance.

Finally they closed their eyes as Shinji tilted his head just a bit to avoid a collision between their noses.

He paused for a moment to enjoy the feeling of Asuka's hot breath on his cheek. Not that he really wanted to stop, but in all the movies he watched, the hero always paused before kissing the girl. 

There must be a reason. 

The increased pulling on his neck caused Shinji to reevaluate this theory and he decided to ditch the movie ending. This moment had already been delayed enough for his liking.

He continued forward again, somehow finding the strength to squeeze her hand a bit tighter, ensuring himself that she couldn't escape at the last moment or even worse, pinch his nose.

Chins lightly brushed against one another allowing each to make the subtle corrections in their position to guarantee they were properly aligned. Two hearts beat in perfect unison as each leaned in to close the little gap remaining between their lips.

"There they are!"

Shinji and Asuka's eyes shot open as they heard the familiar voice somewhat in the distance behind them. Instinctively he pulled back away from her as she released her grip on his neck. The net sum of their panicked reactions left him sprawled out on his back in the sand while she turned away blushing a nice shade of crimson.

Shinji sat up and brushed the sand out of his hair. Turning to her he smiled, easing her fears that he might be upset at her. 

Slowly their mutual gaze shifted as they both looked down in amazement that somehow their hands remained still locked together. Behind them they could hear the chatter of voices drawing closer.

Slowly he opened his hand, pulling his fingers up through hers. 

It was too soon. She would feel awkward in front of others. 

A slight frown appeared on his face, notion of losing of her touch, even for a short time, saddened him.

"Asuka…Shinji!"

The unmistakable voice of Misato Katsuragi cut through the otherwise tranquil night sky. Not even the crashing of the waves could compete with her calling. 

Asuka started to ease her grip, preparing to pull her hand away before she noticed Shinji's pained look. With a confident smile she clamped back down on his hand, returning the beaming smile to his face as he reciprocated the action.

Unfortunately the union was shortened considerably by a very elated, and also very intoxicated Misato.

Running up to them she pulled Shinji to his feet with such force that the grip was broken, Asuka left sitting below.

"Shinji...Shinji, I never thought I would see you again!" Misato cried, tears of joy tumbling down her face.

Asuka looked up at the pair, a hint of jealousy evident in her eyes as Misato pulled Shinji into an ever-tightening embrace. She slowly rose to her feet and after brushing the sand off her legs she decided to end the sordid display.

Shinji was all hers...Misato could find her own man. 

"Okay, that's quite enough," Asuka started as she carefully wedged herself between her two housemates.

The little grin and nod from Shinji reminded her exactly where his heart belonged as Misato wiped away her tears.

"I'm just so glad that you're back."

Misato again put her arms out, this time capturing both of them in a bear hug as only she could do.

This time Asuka didn't seem to mind. She was being pulled toward Shinji as Misato's emotional charged grip increased.

Smiling over at her fellow prisoner, she reached out trying to grab his hand again. Following her lead, he pulled an arm free and extended it out toward her. 

Each time they got close however, the Major would shake them in a fit of crying, causing them to start over again.

"ASUKA!"

Asuka turned just as Hikari grabbed her free hand. "I'm so happy to see you again!" 

Shinji frowned and desperately reached out as Hikari ripped her free from Misato's grasp before placing the red head into her own vise like clinch.

As fate would have it, the dueling embraces allowed the Children to have an unencumbered view of one another while their respective partners latched on for dear life. While Misato cried on his shoulder, Shinji gazed over longing to hold Asuka in the same way. Slight pangs of jealously flowed through him as he watched Hikari.

For her part, Asuka was completely ignoring Hikari's sake induced ranting about finding true love, choosing instead to focus all her energy into watching the object of her desire. Her eyes were pleading to him, to hold her, to kiss her, to love her.

That was until a new voice was heard.

Asuka's eyes rolled back, staring up at the heavens for strength as she instantly remembered the voice from her past. The elated look on Shinji's face confirmed her fears as Touji called again. 

She could only watch helplessly as the others converged on Shinji. Misato was forced to release her death grip on the boy as Touji, Kensuke, and the rest of the NERV staff started their own round of handshakes and hugs.

After a few moments Asuka completely lost sight of Shinji as a mass of humanity swept around him. Sounds of a celebration flowed from the crowd as it twisted and shuffled, constantly frustrating her attempts to locate him.

With a determined scowl she broke free from Hikari and stormed over to the edge of the throng. Grabbing the first person she encountered, she pushed him aside to gain access to the interior.

Upon entering the fray, she was subjected to her own allotment of hugs and handshakes as she tried to move about the group. Periodically picking her head up, she vainly tried to find him, managing to only catch quick glimpses of him here and there. Each time she pinpointed his location, someone would inevitably move him or force her to retreat.

Her frustration reaching the boiling point, she clenched her fists and prepared to unleash a diatribe the likes of which even she had never attempted.

Dammit, Shinji was all hers and the idea of sharing was not appealing at all.

Suddenly someone grabbed her hand. Before she could yank it away she was pulled through the horde finally emerging face to face with him.

His beaming smile matching hers, the feeling of her touch again invigorated him as he interlaced his fingers to resume his previous grip. His free hand carefully brushed her cheek causing her to shudderas it continued past to the back of her neck.

Asuka's eyes closed as she felt herself pulled rapidly toward him.

Their lips collided, a bit harder then Shinji planned, but given the previous failed close calls he was leaving nothing to chance. Asuka didn't seem to mind as she moved her lips, adjusting for any misalignment.

Shinji opened his eyes for just a moment, softly gazing at her to assure himself. 

No, this wasn't a dream.

Reality confirmed, he closed his eyes and returned the kiss with all his heart and soul. Time seemed to wind back as again they were the only two people on the Earth. Everything around them stopped and not a sound could be heard as the pulled at one another, arms rubbing along one another's back, desperately trying to find a way to get closer then the bounds of an AT field would allow. 

"OH MY GOD!"

Kensuke's pained shriek rose over the din as all at once the happy couple found themselves the center of attention. The crowd noise started to dim as unconsciously they eased back creating an opening. 

"I don't believe it. He's betrayed us with...HER." 

Misato fought her way through the mass and finally caught sight of the still oblivious pair. For a moment a frown seemed to appear on her face before becoming overwhelmed by her usual glowing smile.

"Wooo hoooo, go Shinji...that's the way Asuka!" she bellowed as her fist pumped in the air.

"NO!" Touji screamed as Kensuke pointed out the duo to him. "Shinji how could you? Not the dev..."

Hikari's well-placed elbow silenced the Fourth Child. 

"Stop it Touji," she whispered before turning to the Eva pilots. "Go Asuka...I always knew it."

Soon Misato's whistles were battling with Kensuke's catcalls in the chilled night air. 

Reluctantly Shinji disengaged himself from the union. Though his nose wasn't pinched this time, he still needed a breath of air. Kissing with this much emotion took more energy then he thought. 

The vision of Asuka's smiling face was soon replaced by the image of a screaming Kensuke and Touji as he instinctively turned his head to the source of the commotion. Rapidly turning his head from left to right, he tried to assess the scene around him.

A hundred eyes intently watched his every move as he frantically looked for an escape route.

Shinji's release from her lips finally registered in Asuka's mind as the spell was broken. One hell of a kiss she thought to herself as she opened her eyes in search of more. A mortified blush instantly replaced her look of bliss as she buried her face into his chest. 

He gently wrapped his arms around her, protecting her from further embarrassment while still searching for that elusive opening. 

Misato stepped forward to address them. "I'm so happy for both of you," she said as she gently hugged the pair, providing a limited sense of privacy. 

"Congratulations."

"Yes, congratulations," Maya added. 

"Way to go!" Makoto exclaimed as he and Shigeru began to applaud.

The applause spread through the crowd, though it took a glare from Hikari for Kensuke to participate. 

Taking advantage of the slight intimacy Misato's human shield provided, Asuka grabbed Shinji and pulled him into another kiss after deciding that the pleasure generated was far greater then the embarrassment.

Asuka's aggressive action did not go unnoticed, providing more incentive for the crowd as the volume of cheers increased. 

Touji for his part seemed genuinely happy for his friend and was whistling loudly until Hikari wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled him into a fiery kiss of her own. 

Kensuke could only sigh as he watched his two best friends in action. Desperately he searched out the crowd for Misato, hoping against hope that perhaps another miracle would happen tonight.

Unfortunately for him, Misato was directing the crowds away from the four teens. Waving her hands and yelling at everyone to move back to camp. Soon the crowd dispersed as she finally succeeded in providing her Children some privacy. 

Satisfied with her work, slowly she started walking back toward the camp, stopping for a moment to look back and smile before turning and running up behind Kensuke.

Throwing her arms around him, she resumed her teasing from earlier as the two of them disappeared from sight.

---------

One Last Final / Goodbye

--------

The last flames fought valiantly for life, struggling to the last even as the cinders turned cold around them. The encampment was quiet except for the sporadic snoring of a certain Major who lay sprawled out on the sand. Intermittently spread around the fire, groups of people slumbered dead to the world thanks to the copious amounts of sake consumed earlier. The bottles were strewn amongst the bodies, tell-tale reminders of the festivities that occurred there. 

Shinji and Asuka carefully maneuvered through the crowd as if it were a minefield. They only stopped to briefly look at the sleeping images of Touji and Hikari, their contented looks bringing smiles to the faces of the Second and Third.

Resuming their trek down the beach, Shinji finally stopped just out of the reach of the crashing waves.

He cautiously placed his arm around Asuka's waist, gently pulling her in close. He tensed a bit as she rested her head on his shoulder. There they stood gazing out over the water as overhead a lone gull squawked its approval.

"I l...love you Asuka."

She picked her head off his shoulder and turned to look at him. He chose to remain fixed on the horizon, watching and waiting. 

She gave him a small peck on the cheek before placing her head back down on his shoulder.

The rhythmic crashing of the waves threatened to overcome her. Their hypnotic chants combined with exhaustion were causing her eyes to slowly close. Each blink lasting a bit longer than the last.

Reluctantly she decided to rest her eyes knowing that Shinji would wake her when the time came.

He tightened his grip as he felt her start to doze off. He couldn't blame her, in fact his eyes were also becoming quite heavy as well. Still by the looks of the ocean, the wait would be over soon.

He cocked his head over to rest it on hers as he waited out the last few minutes.

Suddenly he heard a flock of birds take flight off to his left. Straightening up he watched as they flew away.

Turning back he saw the ashen faces of Kaworu and Rei, each dressed in their school uniforms and holding one another's hand. They seemed to be...smiling. 

The three simply stared back and forth at one another, not a word spoken. Shinji felt his shoulder move as Asuka began to stir.

"S...Shinji is it time?"

He turned to face her, his face aglow in a smile from ear to ear.

"Yes."

"Good."

Together they turned to face the sea. 

Gone were Rei and Kaworu, but in their place the sun was finally braking free from its watery confines. Instantly filling the beach with warmth and light.

Silently the two watched as it rose still higher, the clear blue sky revealed from the darkened veil of night.

"Thank you Shinji...this is beautiful."

She rested her head back against his shoulder while grasping his hand gently as the two enjoyed the specta6cle before them. Unrelenting the sun pushed on, taking its rightful place in the cloudless morning sky.

Today was going to be a beautiful day...

THE END.

Disclaimer: Characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion have been used without permission.All characters contained in this work are copyright GAINAX, Project EVA, Movic, AD Vision and Manga Entertainment. 

Authors Notes: Well that is it, finally. If you hang with me through my writer's notes there is an extra at the bottom. I want to thank everyone who took the time to review...I took all suggestions to heart. I really want to thank 3 people who gave me the confidence to see this thing all the way through. Random1377 for his immense help in prereading and providing me with good reading material when I wasn't in the mood to write. Rhine who gave me some valuable (and tough love) advice on how to write better, and 20eva for giving me a sounding board for my ideas and being there right from the start. Big thanks to all of you... Special thanks to some of the other writers out there whose work inspired me to try this. Some of my favorites, James Lee's Second Child/Promises to Keep; Rakna's TOILI; Strike Fiss' Higher Learning and countless others...Also a quick thanks to Digital God and his AMV of Everything You Want...provided a great deal of inspiration.

Just a couple of things to point out. I wrote this to fill the void that I had after watching End Of Evangelion. I wanted some closure to the series and characters. My personal belief is that eventually others will come back, Asuka and Shinji were just the first. Phi Templar was the first, but not only person to notice my use of Pink Floyd The Wall lyrics for chapter titles. I got the DVD for the Wall right when I started and noticed a lot of similarities between the character Pink in the Wall and both Shinji and Asuka.

Ok, here is the extra:

ALTERNATE ENDING:

Pick up after ********

Misato Katsuragi knelt down as she carefully placed the flowers down at the base of the statue. Wiping a single tear from her eye she said a quick prayer before she again rose to her feet. She looked up as the bronze images of her Children stood watching over her. She smiled as the breeze passed through her purple and gray hair, causing it to wave in the air. Stepping back she sat down at one of the many benches that circled the monument. Apart from the occasional bird, the only sounds she heard were the soft breaking of the waves in the distance and the rustle of the sand in the breeze. Running her hand through her hair, she was finally able to remove it from her face.

As she had done for the past 15 years, Misato carefully laid out her things on the bench, arranging them in just the right order. The faded pictures, Shinji's SDAT, Asuka's A-10 connectors were joined by pictures of Misato and her husband holding their son; Touji, Hikari and their three sons; Kensuke's family, and a recent picture of Maya.

She was too busy with her arrangement to notice as two others approached the Third Impact Shine. Created in 2017 on the site specified by Major Katsuragi, the Third Impact Shine had become a popular tourist attraction as mankind still coped with the events of past. Dedicated to all those who didn't return, the most striking section of the Shrine was the statue of the Eva pilots who made the ultimate sacrifice.

Finally hearing their voices Misato let out on audible sigh. Though she always came on the anniversary of Third Impact, she usually had the place all to herself. It was her time to be alone with her Children.

Looking up she watched as they approached down the long marble walkway. The girl had short strawberry blonde hair and looked to be about 15 while the boy appeared the same age with straight dark hair. Misato couldn't help but notice the girl was dragging the larger boy by the hand.

"Come on Takeru…I want to see the statue!"

"Ouch, stop pulling on me already."

The girl released his hand while crossing hers across her chest. "We're here."

The boy nodded while shaking life back into his arm.

The two stood between Misato and the statue, their backs to her as she eavesdropped on their conversation.

"Wow…I've seen pictures of her in books but she really is something," the young girl started.

Satisfied that his arm functioned properly again, the boy replied. "Yes, she's pretty alright." 

"What would you know…I'm just as good looking as her."

The boy could only hang his head and nod.

"That's good, Takeru."

Anxious to change the topic away from looks, he started again, "I read that Shinji was the best pilot of them all."

"No Asuka was."

"Was not, it was Shinji because Unit 01 was the most powerful."

"Wrong…" she mocked while pointing to Asuka's likeness. "Unit 02."

"Unit 01!"

"UNIT 02!"

Misato chuckled as she listened to the duo's banter. It seemed the battles over which pilot was better and which Eva was best had been fought on nearly every playground and barstool in the world. These two were no different she decided as she returned to her memories.

"What are you, stupid?!?!" 

Misato's heart stopped as she heard the words. Not that she hadn't heard them hundreds of times from hundreds of different people, but it was the way the girl said them.

"I'm not stupid."

"Yes you are…sometimes I wonder why I put up with you Takeru Kobayashi. You should take more time to appreciate me, you know."

"Yes Ms Chisa, I thank you for allowing me to spend time in your presence," he replied sarcastically.

Yokoyama shook her fist menacingly at him before a large smile appeared on her face. "Come on idiot, you can go buy me some ice cream."

As they turned around to leave, Misato called out to them. She didn't know why, perhaps to help settle their argument about the Eva pilots. As she noticed their eyes she became so shaken that she forgot why she stopped them.

"Yes…are you ok?" the boy started as the girl clutched his arm for protection. "Miss?"

Misato finally broke out of her daze. "Oh…sorry about that…I thought you were someone else."

The boy continued to gaze at her with his deep blue eyes before a tug on his arm caused him to move on. 

"Takeru let's go," the girl with the sky blue eyes whispered as she pulled him down the walkway. "She's weird."

Misato stood and watched as the two walked away, hand in hand as a light breeze again blew her hair out of place. Turning around she again looked at the statue, the figures of her Children holding hands. After a moment of reflection she turned with a large smile on her face and shouted down to the teens.

"Hey…hang on for a minute! I want to tell you about Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Sohryu."

THE END

Quick notes on this ending...I was very torn on which ending to use. I really started liking this ending more and more, but I went for the WAFF ending instead because I wrote this story to cheer me up after EoE. It was a tough choice. The boy's name is the guy who won the 2001 World Hot dog eating contest (so no SI complaints) and the girls name is the VA for Ryoko in Martian Successor Nadesico. If you watched the dubbed Nadesico you would know why I picked her.

Look for my next fic, Best Laid Plans coming soon...

You are at the bottom so you have no excuse not to post something, good or bad for a review. Just put something...


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